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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have woken DS up to walk the dog?

112 replies

artemo4kak · 16/10/2022 12:07

DS is 17, for his birthday we got him a dog as he’d been asking for one for years, one of the conditions of getting him was that he'd walk the dog and take care of it as it's his dog. He agreed.

Last night, his gf stayed over and I reminded DS he still needed to walk the dog. This morning, I woke him up at about 10 and told him to get ready to walk the dog, as we have plans for the rest of the day. He started arguing with me and called me embarrassing for waking him up when his gf is here. DP is on his side and has said I shouldn't have

WIBU?

OP posts:
Babyboynamehmm · 16/10/2022 13:10

Beees · 16/10/2022 12:17

Me too!

What happens when he want to go to uni? He's obviously not going to take the dog with him. I can't believe you thought it would be anything other than your dog in reality.

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Yep - agree with this. Are you expecting your DS to take the dog with him when he moves out?

BTW, waking him up to walk the dog is still work for you. If it were truly your DS’s dog and his responsibility, he’d decide when to wake and walk it. Not saying that’s appropriate, but seems like you’ve given yourself the worst of both worlds: a dog that you still have to do all the emotional labour of worrying about, a new thing to nag your DS about, and presumably also a dog you pay for?

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/10/2022 13:10

If you buy a child a dog, you must know that they will only take on some of the looking after.

Honestly, he’s 17 and I’m shocked at just how little we expect of our teens. Taking the dog to the vet, ensuring there is food, flea treatment etc, absolutely the parents‘ responsibility. But walking it, keeping it clean and ensuring there is food and water in the bowls, absolutely the responsibility of the 17 year old… unless his leg has fallen off.

Only get a teenager a dog if YOU want a dog

I totally agree with this as the parents still have to do the lion’s share of the logistics. But unless by prior agreement, walking it shouldn’t be one of them.

ReadySetDontGo · 16/10/2022 13:12

YABU. And who in their right mind would buy a 17 year old a dog. Surely it’s a family dog.

Aconitum · 16/10/2022 13:13

If your DH doesn't think you should have woken DS up to walk HIS dog then DH can now walk the dog ...henceforth and for evermore.

Oliverfunyuns · 16/10/2022 13:17

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect him to walk his own dog, as agreed. The poor dog needs some consistency in his schedule, and if it's embarrassing to be reminded to care for his dog, he needs to remember on his own. If he's old enough to have his girlfriend stay the night, he needs to be mature enough to take care of his dog, now that he has one.

However, I'm afraid I agree with other posters who say this may end up being your dog, whether you want it to or not.

Oliverfunyuns · 16/10/2022 13:21

Also, OP did say that they (the family?) had plans for the rest of the day, so I assume that's why she felt she needed to remind him to do it right away. She didn't wake him until 10, which seems generous to me. Not as though she were pounding on the door, shouting at him at 6am.

00100001 · 16/10/2022 13:21

Idontevenknow · 16/10/2022 13:09

YABU, the dog isn't going to come to any harm if it's walked a bit later on a Sunday after its owner has a long lie. I think you were a bit ridiculous to be honest

What if it hasn't been put since yesterday evening and is absolutely desperate for a wee, as it usually goes out at 7am, and the owner is making it wait until whenever he feels like it?

00100001 · 16/10/2022 13:22

And yes, DP can now be the "reserve" dog walker after DS.

Twofurrycats · 16/10/2022 13:25

DSD's DM let her get a dog when she was 18. Roll on 3 years and DM has had enough of dog being left with her while DSD works, goes out on the lash, stays at her boyfriend's. The dog is now with me and her DF. I've just got back from an hour walk. DSD is at her boyfriend's probably in bed watching netflix.
I am not best pleased with this but it isn't the dog's fault and I am a responsible pet owner.

Idontevenknow · 16/10/2022 13:34

00100001 · 16/10/2022 13:21

What if it hasn't been put since yesterday evening and is absolutely desperate for a wee, as it usually goes out at 7am, and the owner is making it wait until whenever he feels like it?

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I'd assume other people in the house are capable of opening the back door to let it into the garden. The question was about waking up for a walk, not the toilet.

Bayleaf25 · 16/10/2022 13:34

YABU for buying a teenager a dog, so unfortunately this problem is really your own making. As others have said who’s going to look after the dog when he goes to uni/goes travelling/gets full time job/moves into rented accommodation that doesn’t allow pets etc.

And also, if it’s his pet why can’t it be walked later in the day?

Brigante9 · 16/10/2022 13:37

I fed the dogs at 6, let them out for toileting, then went back to bed at 6.30 til 9. Big mistake. One ruined dog bed. Yabu to get a 17 yea old a dog, but he is bu to prefer staying in bed to walking the dog HE wanted.

liveforsummer · 16/10/2022 13:40

Brigante9 · 16/10/2022 13:37

I fed the dogs at 6, let them out for toileting, then went back to bed at 6.30 til 9. Big mistake. One ruined dog bed. Yabu to get a 17 yea old a dog, but he is bu to prefer staying in bed to walking the dog HE wanted.

On the other hand my dog is still curled up in bed now after a quick toilet break earlier. She likes a lie in on a Sunday as much as your average teen! She has free access to the house though. Wouldn't be so happy if shut away. Plenty dogs can manage as break from their normal walking schedule

Brigante9 · 16/10/2022 13:43

liveforsummer · 16/10/2022 13:40

On the other hand my dog is still curled up in bed now after a quick toilet break earlier. She likes a lie in on a Sunday as much as your average teen! She has free access to the house though. Wouldn't be so happy if shut away. Plenty dogs can manage as break from their normal walking schedule

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I have springers. They’re used to going out by about 10.30. One pulled all the stuffing out of his mattress, his brother will happily stay in his bed. The older dog wouldn’t dream of being destructive.

Beees · 16/10/2022 13:55

Honestly, he’s 17 and I’m shocked at just how little we expect of our teens. Taking the dog to the vet, ensuring there is food, flea treatment etc, absolutely the parents‘ responsibility. But walking it, keeping it clean and ensuring there is food and water in the bowls, absolutely the responsibility of the 17 year old… unless his leg has fallen off.

It's not his responsibility though, it really isn't because no matter how much anyone would like to pretend the fact is it's not his dog.

No 17 year old gets a dog after never owning one before and fully understands what a life changing, consuming, repetitive and often restrictive decision it is. Heck most adult first time dog owners don't fully comprehend this. Of course the 17 year old should pull his weight by walking it and feeding it but this is a family pet and anyone thinking otherwise is exceptionally naive.

The simple fact is no matter how its dressed up this dog belongs to the OP and her husband. In a few short years the son will have left home and they will be responsible for the care and costs of the dog.

Scalottia · 16/10/2022 14:07

Branster · 16/10/2022 12:16

You do realise this is the family dog not DS's dog, right?

He'll very likely move out in 1, maximum 2 years if university is on the cards. He's likely to be living on his own and with a job in maximum 5 years. Ni chance of taking the dog with him.

Dog likely to live 8-16 years.

It's your dog now and this has always been your dog.

If you don't want the responsibility, it's best to re-home the dog.

A bit unkind to wake DS up for this today.

Unkind? Bloody hell.

donttellmehesalive · 16/10/2022 14:08

I don't take my dog out that early on a Sunday, although I do let him into the garden for a wee. I do think it's odd that you woke him to do that. What time were you all going out? Presumably he could walk it at any time before then? Were you cross that his gf stayed over?

LondonWolf · 16/10/2022 14:15

If he's usually pretty good about walking the dog then no I wouldn't have gone into his room while his GF was there to wake him up and make a point in front of her. I'd have helped him out and taken it myself.

SnarkyBag · 16/10/2022 14:21

Congratulations on your new dog! Yeah honestly you may as well get used to walking it cause your ds isn’t going to be fully responsible and will in all likelihood move out one day and not take the dog so you’ve got another 10 to 15 years to cover.

if you don’t want a dog rehome it now. My 17 year old has asked for a kitten. I laughed a lot then went about my day!

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 16/10/2022 14:37

I'm old-fashioned so the gf wouldn't have been there in the first place. Nor probably the dog.

Floralnomad · 16/10/2022 14:58

YABU , totally irresponsible to get a 17yo a dog and frankly if you consider your 17 yo to be mature enough to have overnight guests I think they are probably mature enough to know when they want to get up .

Bluetrews25 · 16/10/2022 15:10

If my (sadly, late) doggo could understand 'where's DC?' said in a really excited voice, followed by 'go get him!' and would have belted upstairs and swatted at his door enough to open it, surely yours can be trained to, OP?
Mine would also have jumped on the bed....

liveforsummer · 16/10/2022 15:13

Bluetrews25 · 16/10/2022 15:10

If my (sadly, late) doggo could understand 'where's DC?' said in a really excited voice, followed by 'go get him!' and would have belted upstairs and swatted at his door enough to open it, surely yours can be trained to, OP?
Mine would also have jumped on the bed....

Ah mine does this. We use 'go see (child's name)' and she belts off to pester

WillPowerLite · 16/10/2022 15:16

Whether the dog is his or not... if it's his job to walk the dog at 10am, he needs to get out of bed and walk the dog at 10am. YANBU.

PhillySub · 16/10/2022 15:26

You were generous, I would have woken him at 7.