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AIBU?

Bedrooms going against the grain

72 replies

Fulltimekiddosfulltimework · 15/10/2022 20:40

Is it unreasonable to give the largest bedroom to the younger child because the older one doesn’t keep their room tidy? Ages 6 and 4 and soon to be moving house. I’m the eldest of my siblings so I’ve been fortunate enough to have had the largest room by default, but my youngest really looks after her things and keeps things tidy whereas her older sister really…doesn’t.

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Am I being unreasonable?

182 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
53%
You are NOT being unreasonable
47%
Notmenottodaynotever · 15/10/2022 20:42

Why will being in a smaller room make it tidier? Or is this meant to be a punishment?
you've a long and weary road ahead of you.

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Discovereads · 15/10/2022 20:43

YABU
Its turning a tradition of eldest gets largest room into a years long punishment of a child for being less tidy than another child.

Its a great way to make a child feel unloved and cause grief between siblings. As you’re making one the black sheep and the other a golden favourite child.

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Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2022 20:43

She's six. She needs your direction and some assistance to keep things tidy. She also needs to know that keeping her room reasonably tidy isn't optional.

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Fulltimekiddosfulltimework · 15/10/2022 20:43

It’s not meant to be a punishment, more of a reward for the younger one I suppose?

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Discovereads · 15/10/2022 20:44

Fulltimekiddosfulltimework · 15/10/2022 20:43

It’s not meant to be a punishment, more of a reward for the younger one I suppose?

It is still a punishment because you’re taking away from one to give to the other.

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sandytooth · 15/10/2022 20:46

There's nothing saying the eldest won't want the smallest room though? Have you asked? If it has a funky layout and a coooool desk bed thing they may want it anyway.

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Boating123 · 15/10/2022 20:46

I think you should flip a coin.

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sandytooth · 15/10/2022 20:47

Boating123 · 15/10/2022 20:46

I think you should flip a coin.

Seems fairest, winner chooses their room for the next 5 years then swap

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Oysterbabe · 15/10/2022 20:48

Mine are 6 and 4 they share a room and have a play room. It works much better having the toys in a separate space with a home for everything so that can be easily tidied away.

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Discovereads · 15/10/2022 20:49

Oysterbabe · 15/10/2022 20:48

Mine are 6 and 4 they share a room and have a play room. It works much better having the toys in a separate space with a home for everything so that can be easily tidied away.

We did this when ours were that age as well. Reduced nightmares.

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luxxlisbon · 15/10/2022 20:50

It’s their room, completely petty to punish the older one for not meeting your arbitrary standards.

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Redglitter · 15/10/2022 20:50

Why is assumed the eldest would always get the biggest room. When we moved house I got the small room because I didn't need as much space whereas my brother was still at the lying on the floor playing with toys stage.

I've never understood why so many people have eldest gets the biggest rook as the default rule. Surely it makes more sense to go by needs
.
Although I saying that at 6 & 4 their needs are the same. I dont think punishing a 6 year old for a messy room is fair

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Discovereads · 15/10/2022 20:51

Redglitter · 15/10/2022 20:50

Why is assumed the eldest would always get the biggest room. When we moved house I got the small room because I didn't need as much space whereas my brother was still at the lying on the floor playing with toys stage.

I've never understood why so many people have eldest gets the biggest rook as the default rule. Surely it makes more sense to go by needs
.
Although I saying that at 6 & 4 their needs are the same. I dont think punishing a 6 year old for a messy room is fair

Your parents assumed the child with penis privilege gets the bigger room.

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Oysterbabe · 15/10/2022 20:52

Discovereads · 15/10/2022 20:49

We did this when ours were that age as well. Reduced nightmares.

Yes, same here. They absolutely love sharing. I went in this morning they were in bed together looking at a book.

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Fulltimekiddosfulltimework · 15/10/2022 20:52

Ok, interesting. We haven’t moved yet (soon hopefully) and my children haven’t seen the house. They know there’s a bit of a size difference between rooms.
We have spoken to our eldest about tidying, and where things should go. She just doesn’t really listen. Probably because we’ve tidied it for her in the past but trying to teach them both some responsibility for their own things as there’s so little time in the weekend to get all of the household jobs done.
Im glad I asked, as I find it interesting that the rule of the elder getting the largest room is very much still a thing. Wasn’t really sure.

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BigYellowElephant · 15/10/2022 20:54

My younger two share the smallest room and have a big playroom. Works better for us and we all tidy together. Eldest (teenager) has a huge bedroom plus a den downstairs and they're both a tip until she wants her mates over

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Yutes · 15/10/2022 20:56

I think they’re much too little.

the parents get the biggest room.
if the other rooms are not equal in size, sharing a room when they are small is nice.

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PinkSyCo · 15/10/2022 20:58

Your dd is 6. I doubt she has mouldy plates and coffee cups and sweet wrappers and coke cans littering her room, so what sort of state is it in that warrants a childhood long punishment?

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Jingleq · 15/10/2022 21:00

I would suggest a cabin bed for the small room and a normal bed for the other… no doubt dd6 will choose the cabin bed. Personally I would encourage them to share but it might not be possible if they haven’t already :)

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KitchenSupper · 15/10/2022 21:03

At that age I would think you risk cementing her role as the untidy careless one.

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Discovereads · 15/10/2022 21:06

Oysterbabe · 15/10/2022 20:52

Yes, same here. They absolutely love sharing. I went in this morning they were in bed together looking at a book.

I’d find mine asleep in the same bed in the morning quite often too!

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Redglitter · 15/10/2022 21:08

Your parents assumed the child with penis privilege gets the bigger room

Fuck off with your assumption

I was 14 when we moved house. I had a TV & desk in my room because that's what i needed

My brother was 9. He was still playing with Scaletrix & Subbuteo & other games which needed floor space.

It would have made no sense for me to have the big room - I didn't need it. It was fuck all to do with him being male. It was down to our needs at the time

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OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 15/10/2022 21:09

My youngest has the biggest room because he has more toys. The teen doesn't need loads of floor space!

That didn't work so well with little ones though. At that age I had 2 sharing. I think at the age where the have toys that take up space sharing plus a playroom can work very well, gives you lots of floor space for train tracks and lego.

The dc of course might select different rooms. When we moved here dd (middle child) wanted the smallest room beggars she thought it felt nice and cosy.

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Untitledsquatboulder · 15/10/2022 21:09

6 is very young to tidy a bedroom by yourself. I dontbthink that the eldest must always have the biggest room but I dont think that tidiness is a good way to decide at this age.

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Fulltimekiddosfulltimework · 15/10/2022 21:13

I’m hesitant to let them share as they never really have and one stays up much later than the other, even though my they go to bed at the same time.
Take your point on tidiness deciding.

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