AIBU?
Bedrooms going against the grain
Fulltimekiddosfulltimework · 15/10/2022 20:40
Is it unreasonable to give the largest bedroom to the younger child because the older one doesn’t keep their room tidy? Ages 6 and 4 and soon to be moving house. I’m the eldest of my siblings so I’ve been fortunate enough to have had the largest room by default, but my youngest really looks after her things and keeps things tidy whereas her older sister really…doesn’t.
Am I being unreasonable?
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CarefreeMe · 15/10/2022 21:14
They’re 6 and 4 jeez!
You need to loosen up seriously as they are way too young to be responsible for tidying their rooms to your high standards.
Kids are meant to be messy and enjoy their toys and using their imaginations.
Thos is not something you (or they) should be worrying about.
I think the biggest for the oldest because in theory they will move out first, so then then second one will get their room afterwards.
PPs have good ideas about making one into a playroom but my worry about that is when it’s time to separate them then they’ll be much older and more aware that one is going to get a bigger room.
Vecna · 15/10/2022 21:18
I'm second-born by 13 months. I never had my turn because my sibling was always older. It's very unfair.
Make them share the big room. They'll make lovely memories then you can sell the smaller room as the new, freshly-decorated room. Then they'll appreciate the privilege of having their own room too.
Theroad · 15/10/2022 21:22
Ooh following along. Exact same scenario in my house right now. Same age too. The room isn't that much bigger but the en-suite has become a source of conflict between them! I'm going to give it to the younger child I think. She's much neater and is the only one who wakes in the night to pee so it makes sense.
Remainiac · 15/10/2022 21:26
Oysterbabe · 15/10/2022 20:48
Mine are 6 and 4 they share a room and have a play room. It works much better having the toys in a separate space with a home for everything so that can be easily tidied away.
We did this too. They don’t need space to sleep, they need space to play, then study, then entertain their mates.
Fulltimekiddosfulltimework · 15/10/2022 21:26
Theroad · 15/10/2022 21:22
Ooh following along. Exact same scenario in my house right now. Same age too. The room isn't that much bigger but the en-suite has become a source of conflict between them! I'm going to give it to the younger child I think. She's much neater and is the only one who wakes in the night to pee so it makes sense.
Oh right, you’re in the same boat! I take everyone’s point about sharing. Maybe it might be nice. I don’t know.
MummyGummy · 15/10/2022 21:27
Your expectations are completely unrealistic for such young children, and it’s really unfair to punish/reward them for it.
In a 3 bed house usually there are 2 big bedrooms and 1 small one, why don’t you have the small one? They can both have more space for all their toys etc then.
Theroad · 15/10/2022 21:31
Don't have them sharing if you have space for separate bedrooms. Total pain in the arse when one keeps the other awake. They may have fun times but also it's hust more opportunities for mischief and fighting too.
Also lol at posters suggesting you take the box room 🤦🏼♀️
Im glad I asked, as I find it interesting that the rule of the elder getting the largest room is very much still a thing. Wasn’t really sure.
People often just follow conventions unthinkingly. Don't let what they do sway you - suit your own family.
JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 15/10/2022 21:32
I was a second child. I'd have been extremely annoyed if my parents always gave the larger bedroom to my older sibling just because they were born first. Fortunately my parents were fair in their approach, and we would actually swap bedrooms each year. It served as a good opportunity for spring cleaning! And as the larger bedroom had an additional sofa bed, it had to be vacated whenever there were visitors staying.
BloobryMuffin · 15/10/2022 21:33
Redglitter · 15/10/2022 20:50
Why is assumed the eldest would always get the biggest room. When we moved house I got the small room because I didn't need as much space whereas my brother was still at the lying on the floor playing with toys stage.
I've never understood why so many people have eldest gets the biggest rook as the default rule. Surely it makes more sense to go by needs
.
Although I saying that at 6 & 4 their needs are the same. I dont think punishing a 6 year old for a messy room is fair
We did the same growing up. And two girls, so no penis bias. I was the older sister in the smaller room.
JudgeJ · 15/10/2022 21:36
Discovereads · 15/10/2022 20:44
It is still a punishment because you’re taking away from one to give to the other.
Fulltimekiddosfulltimework · 15/10/2022 20:43
It’s not meant to be a punishment, more of a reward for the younger one I suppose?
Then by your own poor logic, the youngest child is being punished for being the youngest child!
JudgeJ · 15/10/2022 21:37
BloobryMuffin · 15/10/2022 21:33
We did the same growing up. And two girls, so no penis bias. I was the older sister in the smaller room.
Redglitter · 15/10/2022 20:50
Why is assumed the eldest would always get the biggest room. When we moved house I got the small room because I didn't need as much space whereas my brother was still at the lying on the floor playing with toys stage.
I've never understood why so many people have eldest gets the biggest rook as the default rule. Surely it makes more sense to go by needs
.
Although I saying that at 6 & 4 their needs are the same. I dont think punishing a 6 year old for a messy room is fair
Quite agree, the youngest will be living at home the longest so should have the biggest room.
Discovereads · 15/10/2022 21:39
JudgeJ · 15/10/2022 21:36
Then by your own poor logic, the youngest child is being punished for being the youngest child!
Discovereads · 15/10/2022 20:44
It is still a punishment because you’re taking away from one to give to the other.
Fulltimekiddosfulltimework · 15/10/2022 20:43
It’s not meant to be a punishment, more of a reward for the younger one I suppose?
No. If you’re following tradition, that is the reason. There is no taking away from the younger to give to the elder.
PuttingDownRoots · 15/10/2022 21:39
DD2 has the bigger room in our house. She has to vacate her room when grandparents visiting, and has bigger toys.
DD1 loves her small room... its got her desk, her books, her collections and a loft bed.
We might swap in 3 or 4 years if DD1 "outgrows" the loft bed.
Discovereads · 15/10/2022 21:39
JudgeJ · 15/10/2022 21:37
Quite agree, the youngest will be living at home the longest so should have the biggest room.
BloobryMuffin · 15/10/2022 21:33
We did the same growing up. And two girls, so no penis bias. I was the older sister in the smaller room.
Redglitter · 15/10/2022 20:50
Why is assumed the eldest would always get the biggest room. When we moved house I got the small room because I didn't need as much space whereas my brother was still at the lying on the floor playing with toys stage.
I've never understood why so many people have eldest gets the biggest rook as the default rule. Surely it makes more sense to go by needs
.
Although I saying that at 6 & 4 their needs are the same. I dont think punishing a 6 year old for a messy room is fair
? How? Is not 18yrs still 18yrs at home? How is the youngest home “longest” unless they stay home until much older?
JustEatTheCake · 15/10/2022 21:43
I would trial the room sharing. They share the smaller one to sleep in and the larger one is the playroom. Lots of children share bedrooms. We have a playroom here, they could leave out train tracks or scalextric, lego models etc. You can revisit it when the children are older and their needs change say perhaps for secondary school and then decide who gets the larger room then.
Firstworldprobs · 15/10/2022 21:45
Our youngest (9) has the bigger room because he still plays with stuff on the floor and “uses” the available space, whereas our eldest (13) just sleeps and games in his room.
Frame it that way to your daughters so that the youngest gets the space but your eldest doesn’t feel like shit for not being as naturally orderly as her sister. Tidiness is not a sign of good character / messiness is not a terrible personality trait, after all. Be kind.
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