AIBU?
Bedrooms going against the grain
Fulltimekiddosfulltimework · 15/10/2022 20:40
Is it unreasonable to give the largest bedroom to the younger child because the older one doesn’t keep their room tidy? Ages 6 and 4 and soon to be moving house. I’m the eldest of my siblings so I’ve been fortunate enough to have had the largest room by default, but my youngest really looks after her things and keeps things tidy whereas her older sister really…doesn’t.
Am I being unreasonable?
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Libre2 · 15/10/2022 21:47
I hate to burst your bubble but my youngest was a dream tidier at 4 and had a lovely tidy room. She is now 11 and her bedroom is an absolute midden. DS now 13 who was always a bit slapdash now lives in a minimalist’s dream bedroom. His is the smaller room for some reason - not quite sure how that happened…
Don’t assume that how they are at 4 and 6 is how they will remain…
Fulltimekiddosfulltimework · 15/10/2022 21:48
I’m surprised that so many people think it’s unrealistic expectations for young children to keep their room tidy. I’m not saying I go in militarily every day, but if there’s stuff all over the floor that could be easily put away, I point it out and it either gets done or it doesn’t.
A little bit more context to it would also be that the eldest is often out and about doing her classes she likes but my youngest doesn’t want to do any of those and prefers to just sometimes play at home. So sometimes I wonder with all of those factors taken into account, perhaps the bigger room should be considered.
maybe we should look at a bigger house 😂
Escapetothecountryplease · 15/10/2022 22:01
I think different people have different styles of tidiness/ not as part of their nature.
I'm naturally pretty tidy always have been, previous flatmate/ best friend, and husband - chronically messy!
My 3 1/2 year old keeps his tiny room really neat and loves putting stuff away. 7 year spreads out to fill every space she can with multitude of creative messy projects. Drives me to distraction, but I can tell she is just like this !!
Possibly the storage in son's room is more effective? I've yet to find a good way to stash colouring books, sheets, pictures and art materials whilst also having them easily accessible. Typically she pulls out the magazine file boxes I currently have for her, and dumps it all over desk/ floor to find the one tiny cat picture she knows is in there somewhere!!!
Fulltimekiddosfulltimework · 15/10/2022 22:18
neverbeenskiing · 15/10/2022 22:03
Rewarding one child by taking something away from the other is a recipe for resentment.
Couldn’t you argue this the other way around though? I’m not taking rooms away from anyone in our current home. It’s a new house, new rooms. I haven’t explicitly said ‘ lack of tidy ness means a smaller room’ (even if that’s what I think). Surely the youngest one could claim unfairness simply for being the youngest and therefore by tradition having to have the smaller room?
Labradorandme · 15/10/2022 22:20
I was the older sister (by two years) and for a reason I've never understood, I was given the box room while my sister had a lovely big room. It seemed so unfair to me, and really affected my feelings about myself and my sister. Perhaps it's also unfair for a younger sibling to have the smaller room, but at least there's a good chance the older child will leave home first and the younger child can have the bigger room then. So all I'd say is please be careful - sibling jealousy and resentment can be powerful and long-lasting.
Fulltimekiddosfulltimework · 15/10/2022 22:35
Labradorandme · 15/10/2022 22:20
I was the older sister (by two years) and for a reason I've never understood, I was given the box room while my sister had a lovely big room. It seemed so unfair to me, and really affected my feelings about myself and my sister. Perhaps it's also unfair for a younger sibling to have the smaller room, but at least there's a good chance the older child will leave home first and the younger child can have the bigger room then. So all I'd say is please be careful - sibling jealousy and resentment can be powerful and long-lasting.
So I suppose there’s an argument to make them share and then then the one who wants their own space would be choosing the other (smaller) room…
I get what you’re saying. I always had the biggest room but my sister obviously never did, this was despite 2 or 3 house moves.
justasking111 · 15/10/2022 22:48
Oysterbabe · 15/10/2022 20:48
Mine are 6 and 4 they share a room and have a play room. It works much better having the toys in a separate space with a home for everything so that can be easily tidied away.
That's what we did made life easier and they could continue a game that mummy hasn't made them tidy up. They preferred sleeping together anyway
Summerfun54321 · 15/10/2022 23:07
Let them share and enjoy their sibling bond without conflict and use the other smaller room for a reading room, quiet zone or homework room. When they’re old enough to decide between them who gets the larger room they can do it then, they may even choose to keep sharing. Much better than you just choosing a favourite child to get the bigger room now while they’re tiny.
PortalooSunset · 15/10/2022 23:38
Growing up I (youngest) had the bigger room, but I also had a spare bed in there so whenever we had guests I was sharing.
We have the 'traditional' set up for our dc. They were going to swap so eldest would have biggest room but they've been talking about it for a couple of years and it hasn't happened yet!
. Talipesmum · 15/10/2022 23:52
I am the eldest sister and my sister had the larger room because she had more of the “younger” toys in there - they tend to be bulkier. Her room was where most of our toys lived, mine was more grown up for me. (Though we moved into separate rooms when I was about 11). She was actually always rather envious of my smaller room as she wanted a cosier room, without all the kid stuff in it. But I liked mine and didn’t want to swap!
Saracen · 16/10/2022 12:09
You could swap round every year or two. My sis and I did that even though the rooms were roughly the same size, just because we always wanted a change and thought the other one had the better deal! 😂
I think it is extreme to punish a 6yo as you are proposing to do for not keeping her room tidy. What's more, it is harder to keep a small room tidy than a big one, so you are setting her up to fail.
Saracen · 16/10/2022 12:27
I can see why it might not work for your kids to sleep in the same room. But they don't have to play and keep toys in the same room they sleep in.
Between them, my kids had a huge room and a tiny one. When we moved here, they were 8 and 15. To my surprise, they wanted to sleep together in the big room and kept most of their stuff there, with the older one using the box room as a study.
After a few years, the older one wanted more privacy (I think in order to phone boyfriend from bed at all hours 😅) and moved into the small room, while keeping most of their stuff in little sister's huge room. This was actually DC1's idea, as they recognised that their own hobbies (art, music, drawing, using computer, reading) required less space than DC2's dolls and other toys, plus DC2 used to have friends round to leap off the bed and make huge dens, whereas DC1's friends came to sit on the bed and chat.
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