To think we are beyond 'girls night' in 2022?

[rosenippl]

I recently started a big new project at work. Entirely new team, about 10 of us. We'll be working together full time on this for the next 2-3 years. None of us know each other.

We had the first site meeting, and then afterwards I assumed we'd all go for a drink to get to know one another. One of the women on the team decided as she lived close, it would make more sense for all the girls to go to her house for a 'girls night' with cheese and wine. It was quite apparent that the men in the team were not invited.

The men said alright then, we'll be going to the bar down the road if anyone wants to come. I went with them, as the idea of going to a colleague's house who I don't know is a bit strange. Plus, I thought in 2022 we had got over the whole 'girls night' thing. With close friends sure, but to the exclusion of male work colleagues? I think that is quite immature, and frankly, unprofessional.

Don't see anything wrong with it. Either as a group or separately.

I was going to disagree with your post based on the title, there's absolutely a place for girls only nights, but in that scenario no, it's rude and unprofessional.

Girls nights in general, no there is no reason why you cant have a female only evening if you want.
In the context you describe yes very odd to exclude the Male colleagues.

I have no problem with having a girls night, my group of friends often do and sometimes the men get together with out us but I think it’s really weird in the situation you describe where the men in the team are excluded. I imagine the women would be up in arms if the men in the team said they were off to the bar but the women weren’t invited.

It's a bit odd unless there are cultural/religious or health/addiction or family (had to go home for childcare) reasons she couldn't go to a bar with strange men or invite them to her house. But once everyone agreed to split the group, I think it was more unsettling for team dynamics that you decided to play cool girl.

The heading for this thread is quite different to the scenario you describe.

The thread heading is about whether girls’ nights should still be a thing in 2022. The situation that happened at your work is about some of your female colleagues behaving a bit rudely towards the male ones, or just not being very skilled at organising a cohesive social event at work.

The situation wasn’t handled very well but generally I don’t think there is anything wrong with a ‘girls’ night’ (though I really dislike girls being used for anyone over 18).

I'd much rather have a pint and a game of pool.

Bit weird having two separate outings.

It’ll be like the sleepover scene in Grease with one of you having to go down a drainpipe because they want to hang with the menfolk.

Can any of them even sing?

I agree with a PP tbat your title and premise are two completely different scenarios. As they said it's perfectly fine to have a 'girls night' .Although the only people I see using 'girls' nowadays are men.
But a gathering just for females is fine. That won't ever be 'over'. Imagine how Handmaid's Tale it would be if women could never meet up without men. What a nightmare!

Yeah, misleading title. Really odd choice for the woman to make on the very first social occasion. It would have been far better to have an option that anyone could chose to go to (or opt out of).

I don't understand why you think the year 2022 is incompatible with "girls' nights". Will they be viable in 2023? Were they compatible with 2021?

Nothing wrong with having a night at someone’s house. What is odd is excluding the men.

"Girls" for "adult women with jobs" is just ridiculous. I'd refuse to go on that count alone.

In the context of getting to know people you are working with yeah, it's really odd.

Obviously nothing wrong with a group of girl/women friends having a girls night generally.

‘Girls’ night’ is a stupid phrase unless you’re talking about female children and in a work context, I agree women & men doing separate stuff is odd.

In this scenario it's odd and inappropriate.

In general, I love a girls (womens) evening and I love the company and dynamic of female company.

I don’t think gender specific work drinks have been appropriate for a few decades now. Such a strange thing for the female colleague to suggest, particularly at her house.

You come across a bit judgy OP. In principle you are correct however

I think you were right to go with the men and affectively call her out on it by your actions, I expect a lot of the women were thinking the same as you but just went along with her suggestion.

Wow you're so cool 😍 not like the other girls at all, are you.

In the situation you described, yes you're right!

Me looking forward to 5girls night round my friend's house in 2 weeks, you're wrong!

5girls?

Fat fingers is all I can say 🤦‍♀️

I am with you OP; it does sound very dated IMO

I think its odd, and not a good idea in the workplace. But I think you handled it very badly.
If you were worried about sexism you should have made your views clear and put forward the alternative of everyone going to the pub.
Instead you just went off with the men. No one is going to see that as some big act of solidarity (much less the men, who would probably rather be in the pub) or read your mind and recognise your higher principles.
Unfortunately they'll just think your'e one of those tiresome 'I get on better with men' women that a lot of people (women and men) don't warm to, which may make it difficult for you to gel with the team.

If this was the first time you all met, I'm surprised she invited any of you back to her house tbh. I wouldn't tell a bunch of random strangers where I lived. The fact you are all going to work together doesn't rule out that the group potentially includes people you wouldn't want in your house.
Unless they're all in first roles after uni, where you invite lots of randoms round all the time. 😀
It makes me think there's probably context here that OP missed.