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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we are beyond 'girls night' in 2022?

76 replies

rosenippl · 15/10/2022 18:43

I recently started a big new project at work. Entirely new team, about 10 of us. We'll be working together full time on this for the next 2-3 years. None of us know each other.

We had the first site meeting, and then afterwards I assumed we'd all go for a drink to get to know one another. One of the women on the team decided as she lived close, it would make more sense for all the girls to go to her house for a 'girls night' with cheese and wine. It was quite apparent that the men in the team were not invited.

The men said alright then, we'll be going to the bar down the road if anyone wants to come. I went with them, as the idea of going to a colleague's house who I don't know is a bit strange. Plus, I thought in 2022 we had got over the whole 'girls night' thing. With close friends sure, but to the exclusion of male work colleagues? I think that is quite immature, and frankly, unprofessional.

OP posts:
maddening · 15/10/2022 20:19

Yanbu because it is a work situation

Liz1tummypain · 15/10/2022 20:21

I agree. If the men had suggested a " boys night" and excluded the women that would be sexist but the other way round........

TheHauntedPencilCase · 15/10/2022 20:23

Girls nights are great! However I steer clear of going for a drink after work as a get to know you because I tend to work in quite diverse teams so usually lots of childcare commitments or religious reasons for not wanting to go to a pub. We do lunch, escape rooms or food in the workplace. Could it be she had or knew that another in the team couldn't go for a drink after work and was trying to manage that discretely (albeit in the wrong way in my view)

StinkyWizzleteets · 15/10/2022 20:24

Referring to adult women as girls makes me
cringe. Girls or girly nights would have me heading off to the pub with the men. I’m a grown woman, not a girl.

ZenNudist · 15/10/2022 20:25

In a work context this is inappropriate. But it sounds like cheese and wine at home was her thing and she didn't have enough room for everyone. Can't say I'd want to go to a pub much. Surely a happy medium. Nice bar?

AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut · 15/10/2022 20:30

Yeah, that was rude.

However, outside of MN, no one gets offended by the term ‘girls night’ it’s just a phrase and ‘women’s night’ just makes me think of women sitting around knitting and drinking tea like the WI. Nothing wrong with girls night and if you ever were to protest at the name if you are invited to one, you will look so uptight 😂 it’s so typical of MN to get het up about it!

ChocFrog · 15/10/2022 20:35

In a professional situation - where a new team is trying to bond!! - that’s so inappropriate.

She sounds dominating and weird.

spirit20 · 15/10/2022 20:50

Nothing wrong with girls night, but your colleague was really strange to do that on a work event where you'd only all just met each other.

I'd personally be wary of her, she sounds like she likes creating divisions in groups, and possibly the next step will be creating divisions among the women into an 'popular girls' v not popular. (Or maybe I'm overreacting and have just been watching mean girls too often........)

PoundShopPrincess · 15/10/2022 21:03

If it's a male dominated industry, it's common to carve out space for females to bond and share. Maybe she was trying to do that. There's a real push in business, leadership and personal development circles for that type of informal support structure.

caroleanboneparte · 15/10/2022 21:07

Well I wouldnt invite a bunch of men I didn't know to my house.

If one of them raped me the law would do nothing as I'd be seen as consenting for inviting them to my house.

Flubber88 · 15/10/2022 21:19

Agree. I have no time for girls nights etc cannot stand it.

Revolvingwhore · 15/10/2022 21:45

At least they call themselves 'girlies'.

Revolvingwhore · 15/10/2022 21:45

caroleanboneparte · 15/10/2022 21:07

Well I wouldnt invite a bunch of men I didn't know to my house.

If one of them raped me the law would do nothing as I'd be seen as consenting for inviting them to my house.

Wow.

Cw112 · 15/10/2022 21:46

I see no issue with this as long as you have opportunities to mix together as well.

StinkyWizzleteets · 15/10/2022 21:56

caroleanboneparte · 15/10/2022 21:07

Well I wouldnt invite a bunch of men I didn't know to my house.

If one of them raped me the law would do nothing as I'd be seen as consenting for inviting them to my house.

Yeah that’s not how consent, or the law works.

ReadySetDontGo · 15/10/2022 21:56

Girls? You mean adult women? Your wording is as outdated as inviting only one gender.

Witchcraftandhokum · 16/10/2022 02:57

I would have gone to the pub too. I'm kind if socially awkward in groups of just women and struggle to chat.

Nevertouchakoala · 16/10/2022 02:59

I love a girls night but that situation you’ve described is weird. I would have gone to the pub too!!

Vapeyvapevape · 16/10/2022 03:03

If people don't like the term 'girls night' what do you call it ?

anonbelle · 16/10/2022 03:06

Mmm to be honest, don't see anything wrong with it 🤷🏽‍♀️

GlassDeli · 16/10/2022 03:15

I agree. It's unprofessional to discriminate in a work related context. 'Girls' sounds ditzy too. Adult human females are women, not girls.

Trez1510 · 16/10/2022 03:15

TheHauntedPencilCase · 15/10/2022 20:23

Girls nights are great! However I steer clear of going for a drink after work as a get to know you because I tend to work in quite diverse teams so usually lots of childcare commitments or religious reasons for not wanting to go to a pub. We do lunch, escape rooms or food in the workplace. Could it be she had or knew that another in the team couldn't go for a drink after work and was trying to manage that discretely (albeit in the wrong way in my view)

Or, perhaps, she herself couldn't go to a pub or invite men into her home for religious/cultural reasons? If it's that, then her behaviour is not weird to her or women in the same religion/culture.

The fact none of the other women objected, lends me towards that being the reason rather than any power-struggle as suggested by pp in a semi-jocular way.

As to the idea that girls' nights shouldn't be referred to as such, I always have and always will call them that.

Zonder · 16/10/2022 03:33

Imagine a male colleague taking the initiative and declaring a men's night that the women couldn't come to straight from work!

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/10/2022 03:37

Zonder · 16/10/2022 03:33

Imagine a male colleague taking the initiative and declaring a men's night that the women couldn't come to straight from work!

i don’t think that’s a hard one to imagine at all!

torquewench · 16/10/2022 06:38

The thing that's wierd is thinking it makes more sense to invite strangers to her home because she lives nearer than the pub.

I regularly enjoy girls' nights with my friends though.