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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU that brother didn’t visit parents

60 replies

confusedinlondon · 14/10/2022 14:26

My brother hasn’t visited my parents in almost 1.5 years, maybe more, and this way a 10 min visit just to say hello during Covid when you could meet.
his last proper visit was some time in 2019.
today he returned from a business trip and our parents live 5 mins from the airport. He got a taxi and went home.
he could have taken a 10 minute detour just to say hello to them. We don’t really speak but his thoughtlessness towards them is very annoying.

OP posts:
AnnapurnaSanctuary · 14/10/2022 14:28

I agree OP. How thoughtless of him. Not much you can do though.

Testina · 14/10/2022 14:35
  1. He has a valid reason - in which case it’s none of your business to judge
  2. He is “just” selfish and it would be a perfunctory duty visit not worth the having for your parents - so what’s the point in wanting it to happen?
MRSE20 · 14/10/2022 14:36

It’s disgraceful really

I remember a woman who used to live in the same flats as my Nan told me both her daughters hadn’t visited in over 2 years
She unfortunately passed away recently

Do your parents visit your brother? Are they able?

PoundOfNesh · 14/10/2022 15:13

Well why doesn’t he visit

most do if they like their parents, your brother clearly doesn’t, there will be a reason for that

FictionalCharacter · 14/10/2022 15:26

Not enough info. Would they have been expecting a visit? Have they said they want him to? Do they really have much of a relationship with him? Could they have had a row you don’t know about? Was he unwell the day he flew home?

jtaeapa · 14/10/2022 15:37

He clearly doesn’t like them. Either they are horrible to him or he is horrible to them

partie · 14/10/2022 15:38

it it was a longer trip I would say YABU but 10m shows a lack of thought so YANBU

Discovereads · 14/10/2022 15:40

YABU
Last thing you want to do is go straight from the covid and other virus cess pool that is travelling by air and visit elderly parents straight from the airport.

Travis1 · 14/10/2022 15:43

YABU given you say you don’t talk to your brother anyway I’ll bet there’s a bigger backstory and your brother is doing what’s right for him. No one is obligated to give someone else their time

luxxlisbon · 14/10/2022 15:43

Why don’t you speak to him more then?

sheepdogdelight · 14/10/2022 15:46

People visit people because they want to.
Clearly your brother doesn't want to visit his parents. This is his choice. He's no obliged to visit them just because he's related to them.

Also, this is none of your business.

Untitledsquatboulder · 14/10/2022 15:47

Discovereads · 14/10/2022 15:40

YABU
Last thing you want to do is go straight from the covid and other virus cess pool that is travelling by air and visit elderly parents straight from the airport.

???? Better than a week later when you've had a chance to incubate and transmit something.

Cheeseandcrackers86 · 14/10/2022 15:51

Well kids don't usually have this little contact with their parents for good reason....We can't possibly know that reason though and possibly neither do you so how can we possibly judge whether he's BU or not? Our kids owe us nothing. Their continuing contact with us as adults is (usually) our reward for treating them right as kids. Even as his sister it isn't really any of your business why he isn't visiting but if you feel it's unfair then why not have an open conversation with him about it instead of criticising him on the internet?

Discovereads · 14/10/2022 15:52

Untitledsquatboulder · 14/10/2022 15:47

???? Better than a week later when you've had a chance to incubate and transmit something.

Show quote history

Your comment shows you know nothing about how communicable infectious diseases work. Incubation is the period from catching to showing symptoms.
Usually, you are highly infectious & transmitting to others while you are incubating (as in you have no symptoms yet).

HideousKinky · 14/10/2022 15:53

Perhaps there are difficulties in his relationship with them of which you are unaware - have you asked him?

pinkpotatoez · 14/10/2022 15:53

Weird if he likes them but that seems unlikely. Is there a backstory to the distance in their relation ?

Ponoka7 · 14/10/2022 15:55

So he doesn't speak to you or your parents? There's obviously a back story.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 14/10/2022 15:57

Since he got a taxi home from the airport he can't live that far so why would a quick visit on his way home from a business trip be the best way to visit?

BeyondMyWits · 14/10/2022 16:01

I hate when others have expectations of who I should visit when. When my mum was alive I did not visit. I had reasons, my sister kept poking her nose in telling me I should be visiting, I should be doing stuff.

Nope. Your life, your choices, my life, my choices.

He probably has a reason.

Windtunnel · 14/10/2022 16:09

Very sad, OP. You say you don't really speak to your db, maybe there's something in that, e.g ypur family isn't really very close?
I guess you could try and get to know him and speak to him again, then a few months in broach this.

thelobsterquadrille · 14/10/2022 16:11

I don't think it's that straightforward.

I mean, you say you don't speak to your brother much either, so are they even close? Would they even want him to visit?

Whitepouringglue · 14/10/2022 16:11

The very worst time to visit them. He'll be exhausted and full of plane germs. Don't be so controlling.

parietal · 14/10/2022 16:13

A 10 min visit off a plane with a taxi waiting is not helpful or sensible. especially without warning. If he is going to visit, he should plan it and spend at least a lunch or dinner. and if that is not something he wants to do, you can't force him.

buggeredmyleg · 14/10/2022 16:13

I don't visit my parent.

I have my reasons.

My brother was told to lay off guilt tripping me and keep his nose out of it if he wanted a relationship with me.

I suggest you do the same.

lovenotwar149 · 14/10/2022 16:13

Why does it matter to you if/when/why/what your brother does re your parents?