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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To agree with Uber parent her kids are vastly superior.

150 replies

Joshanddonna · 14/10/2022 06:37

Last night I went to a talk about Year 13 at my kids school and I sat next to a woman I've known since my DS started reception. Let me tell you that her children are highly superior to anyone elses. They run, they write books, they read Shakespeare for fun, they all learn multiple instruments, speak several languages and even walk in a vastly superior way to anyone else on the planet (probably even on water).
You can't have a conversation with her she just talks at you.... regaling you with their achievements. If you try to interject with anything your kids have done she will interupt and tell you hers did it so much better.
My DS is lovely and doing well. Her DS is heading for Oxford and sainthood.
So I sat and listened as she spoke about this golden child and at the end agreed he was indeed a superhero and I didn't know why I even bothered talking to my DS.
My DH - who when he saw her grabbed DS and moved to another part of the hall - said I shouldn’t have said it. But that is what she wanted to hear and now I hope she will never speak to me again.
What do people like this want you to say?!

OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 14/10/2022 10:55

I feel sorry for kids like this. I bet they are desperate to drop all extra curricular activities they are "encouraged" to participate in by their God awful mother and just want to veg out in front of the TV eating junk food like normal kids 🤣🤣

SiobhanSharpe · 14/10/2022 10:57

I feel it's not so much as seeing it as a child 'getting their comeuppance' as concerned the child will be unprepared for life's realities, either at university, at work or socially, wherever they're no longer the brightest and best, and will struggle.
I have a friend who tutored Rhodes-type scholars at Oxford for some extra cash when doing his PhD. These young people were used to being the best in their previous milieus, and often over-praised by their parents and teachers. But many could not cope well when they were much the same as everyone else and no longer top of the class, so to speak.

His opinion was that they were quite bright kids, certainly, but were fairly standard for Oxford. (And marked accordingly, which didn't go down well)

BeanStew22 · 14/10/2022 11:04

But that is what she wanted to hear and now I hope she will never speak to me again.

What do people like this want you to say?!

^ I think it’s unfortunate that you neglected to mention that her son’s superlative achievements must be due to her outstanding parenting …!!

Genevieva · 14/10/2022 11:07

Does her son have the Oxbridge offer yet? I went to school with people like that. They didn't get in and I did! I had no plans to apply and none of the arrogance that goes with thinking it is your destiny. My teacher just suggested it so I thought Why not? The funny thing is, a lot of my friends there had had similar experiences. Oxford and Cambridge choose who they want. They don't follow orders from schools or parents. Also, having ended up in academia, I am not convinced that Oxford and Cambridge are necessarily better at undergraduate education or the undergraduate experience of being at university.

Kitkatcatflap · 14/10/2022 11:25

All the armchair therapists postings, saying this woman is insecure and it's all coming from a place of insecurity. Really? The woman is an insufferable braggart. She didn't ask OP about her child nor let OP interject about her child. Some people are just bloody rude, insensitive and total bores.

OP I thought what you said what very funny

HangOnToYourself · 14/10/2022 11:29

These are the kids that end up with anxiety issues when they are older.

"My son has written 3 plays this term"
"Only 3? Never mind if he gets his head down he might do better next term"

WendyWagon · 14/10/2022 11:31

I agree with the sentiment that a sibling can be effected by a ‘Golden Child’. My DS was given this title by my wider family.
Top athlete (GB), head boy, clever, blah blah. However his school was awful to his sister. Always in his shadow. She had a lot to deal with. Nobody ever asked after her in our twee market town because her SEN may have been catching! I would say to these boasters be careful what you wish for. Our DD had a Cambridge Scholarship, it nearly broke her.

flingingmelon · 14/10/2022 11:32

Comparison is the thief of joy.

And also my kid is best so everyone else's opinions are totally irrelevant Grin

LovinglifeAF · 14/10/2022 11:33

Good for you. I hate arsehole parents like that.

OrangePumpkinLobelia · 14/10/2022 11:35

flingingmelon · 14/10/2022 11:32

Comparison is the thief of joy.

And also my kid is best so everyone else's opinions are totally irrelevant Grin

Ditto. Grin

bookworm14 · 14/10/2022 11:35

Well done OP! I know a parent like this - it’s very tedious to be told how incredibly bright little Johnny is and how they’re struggling to find books complicated enough for him as he’s just such an advanced reader. Wish I had the confidence to give a reply like yours!

MarshaBradyo · 14/10/2022 11:35

What did she say after you said it?

MsTSwift · 14/10/2022 11:38

We all have our line. My mother had an acquaintance like that her Christmas letters were hilarious. When the Uber saint got a pilots licence that was it for mum. No more!

flingingmelon · 14/10/2022 11:43

I'm bitter. We had wonder child in DH's family who was perfect according to their mother.

Perfect to the point that their sibling struggled a lot.

Now they're a grown up and it's all gone quite wrong. I have every sympathy for perfect child but not so much for boasting parent. Also secretly enjoying the siblings schadenfreude.

On top of that one of my supremely average family members, that boasting parent was always a bit patronising about - has hit the big time and makes perfect child looks like the average one.

This stuff means nothing in the long run.

Bearsporridge · 14/10/2022 11:44

I know two people like that. One has a disabled daughter who will never be independent and worries constantly about her future. She goes on and on about her amazing sons and their golden futures. I think those two things are inter related.

My other friend is a little socially blind, and insecure in the self, and babbles on constantly about the dc and her dh’s work success. She also has a heart of gold and is a person I can always turn to in a crisis.

Neither of them and their quirks impact in any way on my dc. I always feel a bit boring on threads like these but why is it so important to keep everyone in their place, obeying the exact same unwritten, unfathomable social rules? Why does it matter?

MsTSwift · 14/10/2022 11:47

This is why I love my friends we have a right old laugh about our teens misdemeanours!

UpendedPineapple · 14/10/2022 11:50

My DM says with a lovely smile 'oh mine are such a disappointment' when her friends brag about adult dc and dgc 🤣

TheFormidableMrsC · 14/10/2022 11:51

I had a similar situation recently with a parent I barely know. Her son's new headmistress apparently called her within two days of him starting Year 7 to tell her they've never had a better student at the school, that he's clearly a genius. That he is a shining star to all other pupils. That he brings home a "high achievement" certificate every day. I just nodded and smiled and told her how wonderful it was and how proud she must be. I also said how lucky he was as I'd had to remove my own child from the same school due to horrific bullying. She got up and walked off 🤷🏻‍♀️

puddingandsun · 14/10/2022 11:56

Bearsporridge · 14/10/2022 11:44

I know two people like that. One has a disabled daughter who will never be independent and worries constantly about her future. She goes on and on about her amazing sons and their golden futures. I think those two things are inter related.

My other friend is a little socially blind, and insecure in the self, and babbles on constantly about the dc and her dh’s work success. She also has a heart of gold and is a person I can always turn to in a crisis.

Neither of them and their quirks impact in any way on my dc. I always feel a bit boring on threads like these but why is it so important to keep everyone in their place, obeying the exact same unwritten, unfathomable social rules? Why does it matter?

Absolutely.

Let it be her thing. It doesn't relate to you and your parenting. There are so many things that shape us to be the way we are - she's got her reasons to be this way.

shiningstar2 · 14/10/2022 12:12

🤣🤣🤣 very good although I wouldn't have done it. You do come across some people like that and I can never understand it. Most of the kids in our family are doing moderately to very well. One family has two who genuinely are doing amazing. They and their parents are the most modest people you could ever hope to meet. They are always interested in whatever any of the other kids are doing/achieving. They play down their own kids fantastic acheivements in that they are of course proud of them but you have to ask after them they don't hog all the kid centred conversations. We would never hear if we didn't ask. The usual flow of conversation is they ask after ours, then we ask after theirs. If we didn't ask the conversation would just flow onto other things and they would be quite happy. The family all like and love them very much. Surely if you are fortunate enough to be parenting such children, their isn't a need to be like the parents in the op's opening post. Having seen the opposite way of discussing the kids, I always take braggers with a large pinch of salt. If there is such a need to trumpet it all, maybe it isn't as rosy as it looks. 😁

gogohmm · 14/10/2022 12:13

Yes you meet them. I've been stuck next to them at concerts often. My DD is very musical (also completely screwed up but that's another story) so we obviously supported her but the other parents were something else, one criticised me for sending her to state school because she won't achieve her potential Hmm. Yes right I have £15k sitting around each year to pay, not!

TabithaTittlemouse · 14/10/2022 12:15

OrangePumpkinLobelia · 14/10/2022 08:23

That is hilarious, and as the mother of a child with learning difficulties I can tell you I do feel some secret amusement at what you said because I am so damned sick of feeling envious of other families with children who can do regular sort of stuff (never mind super hero stuff!).

(Just to add, my boy is perfect the way he is and I adore him. But I wish his life eas easier for him).

But some of it resonated. My mother constantly boasted about me and my sister. Just endless shit about how wonderful we were; how academic; how musical how talented. To the point that others called us sneeringly as 'The Golden Sisters'. It was horrible. Firstly it was horrible because it immediately made other children and adults dislike us, even though WE were not the ones wanging on. Secondly it was awful because it put untold pressure on us to be perefct as that was what our mother valued. (we both have MH issues from that and the constant feeling of never being enough for her) and thirdly it was bizarre because my mother was in real life a barely functioning alcoholic who physically and emotionally abused us so it was sort of baffling to have the 'how wonderful' narrative to others and then being screamed at that we were disgusting little shits who deserved to die.

So I guess my main feeling is worry for the perfect children. What pressures are they under? What expectations, and what happens to their own sense of identiy when they inevitably fail?

I’m sorry that you went through this.

Sophie1980 · 14/10/2022 12:19

At school he may well be:
One IN a thousand,
at Oxbridge he will be One OF a thousand.

Wavingnotdowning · 14/10/2022 12:34

Perhaps ask if he plays a brass instrument, as he must be fantastic at blowing his own trumpet. 😂

MakkaPakkas · 14/10/2022 12:37

There's a woman like this a DDs school. I've very rarely managed to get her onto another subject, but I did once find out she was into playing tennis so I normally ask her about that now. I think she just genuinely doesn't have much else going on in her life.
It's boring to listen to but I don't think she's trying to make me feel bad about my DD (who is a total bad ass). If she is, it's not working anyway. He son is quite a nice kid (champion musician, dancer and sportsman and what my DD specialises in at school is just so easy that he can pick it up any time 😂). He seems pretty boyant so hopefully he won't be too crushed by expectation.

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