To just go away by myself for a couple of nights?

[WakeUpandMakeUp]

'D'P and I are not getting on well right now. I want to separate. He wants to bury his head in the sand and pretend it's not happening.

I'm completely drained and exhausted. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells in the house. Feel I can't talk to him about what's happening because he won't accept reality. It's impacting on my sleep, and on my work. My body feels tense and there's a painful knot in my stomach 24hrs a day. I normally never have a problem with my mental health but I can feel myself slipping. I'm bursting into tears randomly during the day without warning.

If I just up and left, I would need to continue paying the mortgage because he can't pay the bills on this place alone. I won't be able to afford that plus a rental around here. So financially, we're both stuck here until we sell the house. ³

We've both had next week booked off work for months. Normally always go somewhere in October but I cancelled our lodge some weeks ago as I knew we were at an end.

I can't stand the thought of a full week with him in the house without the break of us both going to work.

WIBU to go away by myself for a couple of nights? I don't care where I go. I want to just close the curtains, shut the door, and not speak to a single human being for 2-3 days.

There are no DC in this situation, thank God.

I can't imagine he will find it a nice break either.

He can make it nice for himself, just as you are.

This would be the ideal scenario but like I said, he's there all the time. Doesn't go out anywhere.

You do not need his permission, just go. He needs to get the message it's over and you need a break.

Thank you everyone. I've seen a beautiful place about 3 hours from home. I'm going to book it.

Excellent, have a great time. 👍

Don't be surprised if he accuses you of seeing someone else. (It tends to be the go-to reaction.) Don't let it stop you either.

Oh I already know he's going to do that. I can't even come home late from work without accusations. Part of the reason I want to separate.

Well, it's booked
I feel excited but at the same time sick with nerves about how ex-DP will react and strangely guilty for leaving him behind.

Well done you

That sounds really tiresome.
Enjoy your few days away.

I’m so glad you booked it.yay please keep us updated.as much as your living our dreams too haha.
Can you not go shopping and just go.
leave a letter on the table.literally just get the hell out of there.it’s not ideal but your not in an ideal situation with this.and so actually causing as little scene as possible will be better for you both.
I truly believe that would be kindest for you both right now.
the note can be kind it can be worded so your not confrontational which I imagine it will get to if you try to tell him.

where have you booked op?the coast?a city?

I don’t want your days there to be filled with dread and stuff.but is there any way you can try making some plans or have things in place so you don’t get to this.

pleas don’t feel guilty for this either.you need this for your health and safety.this is essential for you right now.

Brilliant OP, have a lovely time!

Thank you everyone. It's a coastal break. Haven't told DP yet. He has invited his parents along to the house this afternoon (without telling me) so I don't want to cause a scene before they arrive.

The note idea is a really good one but I would still need to pack and think he would notice if I took my wee case to Asda

No, go. Relax, switch off.
Take the time you need. This sounds like a great idea. I would not hesitate.

Do it, that's what I do when it's too unbearable to be in the same house

Would he physically try to restrain you from packing and loading the car?

If so I'd do it while his parents are there. Surely they wouldn't stand by him doing that?

No, I don't believe he would try to physically stop me. He would just pile on the guilt and what about me?

Well, that's his problem, not yours.

You are not responsible for his feelings.

Pack now get the case in the boot.possibly whilst parents are there for easier distraction.
Then just pop to asda.sorted.

Still haven't told him yet. For some reason I can't seem to bring myself to.

I'm thinking about leaving first thing in the morning before he wakes up and leave a note saying I'm gone for a few days.

I've had a constant headache all day and just feel so tense.

Do what works for you. If leaving early and a note feels like the least stressful then do that but will he ring / message you and cause stress that way?

Enjoy your few days away. Relax and do exactly what you want each day.

He will ring and text but I would find that easier to deal with I think than the inevitable questions and accusations I'll get if I tell him face-to-face.

I'm not one for a spa, but if either the hotel or somewhere in the area offers a massage (just check it's respectable!) I highly recommend a full body Thai for an hour. I recently went in with my shoulders up to my ears and came out like a ragdoll, but bouncing on the balls of my feet.

Have a lovely time and don't allow yourself to feel at all awkward on your own. Anyone looking at you is jealous. I know this!

Is it tomorrow?
I would just tell him tonight that you are going away tomorrow for a couple of nights. Otherwise you'll be super anxious all the way there and on your way home.
You are not doing anything wrong and I don't want you to feel you are. You have the right to go and it would feel better just to tell him in an adult way tonight.

Yes it's tomorrow. I understand what you're saying and I do feel just leaving with a note is a bit juvenile. But truth be told I don't trust him not to act like an adult in this situation. Maybe I'll compromise and tell him in person tomorrow morning.

I'd just leave the note. Why subject yourself to a confrontation? What is to be gained by it?