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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why some people don't work full-time?

1000 replies

donniedarko89 · 13/10/2022 17:16

I was part-time myself while DD was very young as I wanted to spend time with her. I know many mums however who have stayed part time even after the kids go to school. They only work 2 or 3 days a week. The thing is, they're not loaded, on the contrary they keep complaining that finances are tight and they can't afford stuff - then why not increase your work days (they could all easily do it)? Some of them even have a cleaner. No hobbies on the side either. It genuinely puzzles me!

OP posts:
Happyhappyday · 13/10/2022 18:14

@purfectpuss I do work full time and do all those things… even when I had to commute… but have always chosen jobs with flexibility.

spanishmumireland · 13/10/2022 18:14

equaitygrey · 13/10/2022 17:43

It's fine to say 'it's what I want / work life balance / lots of life admin' etc but I do wonder how many people are being facilitated by a spouse working full time who has no option to ever cut their hours down because (usually the mum who had children) got in first.

If you are financially self sufficient in part time work and retirement, great. But don't force your spouse to have no options and don't pretend they are happy with it just because they say they are because really, what else can they say once you've gone part time with small children and it's not always easy to get full time work again.

(and I say that as someone who is the higher earner, FT worker who has zero chance to ever cut my hours down now - believe me, the resentment builds)

It cannot be explained better.
All women working part time value their quality of life, health etc. over everything else. They just never thought of the unfairness of the deal.
Men as well as women:
-Like to enjoy life

  • Might suffer from some illnesses
  • Are more tired as they age
  • Hate their commute

Also women generally never think about:
-Their quality of life post 65 years of age (pension)

  • Life changes: partner dying/ill/ leaving you for a younger model/ being a twat.

To me it's really a no brainer to be equal in a relationship. That's also what I want for my kids in the future (have DS and DDs).
Work FT, same as DH and actually enjoy my life. Mortgage is being paid a lot faster. Enjoy my security and independence.

Gistbury · 13/10/2022 18:16

Absolutely baffling. I'm genuinely puzzled now too, might not sleep tonight

Panjandrum123 · 13/10/2022 18:16

I wanted to work and at the time would have found it hard to get part time work in my role. DSis has always been a SAHM and it suited her.

However, I do now understand why people take early retirement and if I had the money I’d take it this minute. Unless I win the Lottery I’ll probably be working until I drop because my pension is likely to be worth sweet FA.

Dixiechickonhols · 13/10/2022 18:16

Mommabear20 · 13/10/2022 18:07

I can't imagine sitting at home alone while my kids were at school, but it's each to their own isn't it. My DM was a SAHM all my life, and it was what she enjoyed, keeping the home, cooking, and being there for us when we went out on a morning and again in the afternoon. 🤷‍♀️ I couldn't do it but she loved it.

I didn't sit at home alone at all on a my day off. I'd do admin/prep for my volunteer role. Exercised - swimming pool in day time was lovely and quiet or long walk in countryside. Sometimes I'd tidy a cupboard out - easy to drop to charity shop/tip. DIY/Gardening/Decorating. Meet a friend. Batch cooking. Also did things like go to cinema and I used to look for groupon offers afternoon tea, massage. Between school runs it's 6 hours max. I really miss my day off now i'm ft, it made a massive difference to my quality of life.

Cats4life · 13/10/2022 18:17

A couple of people I worked with would work 2 days a week and then complain how broke they were constantly or the price of things etc and it used to drive me mad. I was working 45 hours a week with a 2 hour commute a day and I was shattered but I never stressed about money and when I had time off I travelled and did things and enjoyed my money and they were often so resentful of that and got a lot of comments about me being a snob or how it was lucky for some or they would love to do that- but at the same time didnt seem to appreciate that I also wouldve enjoyed working 2 days a week and not spending a fortune in petrol and seeing my family more.

I just picked what made sense for us at that time and made some sacrifices so that we would be more financially stable later in life.

Then one time this same girl did so many extra shifts it worked out as 4 days a week and she was amazed at how much money she had and how much life was easier and I was like yep....

A work life balance is important and I have since changed jobs and now earn less but work less (37.5 hours and with a smaller commute) but I cba listening to people who work 2 days a week moan about how they cant afford this that and the other and then be snarky about me doing things with my money.

If you want to work fewer hours and that suits the family by all means go for it (that's my future plans) but then give over pleading poverty

IncompleteSenten · 13/10/2022 18:17

Depending on how expensive childcare is it can end up costing you more to work full time.

Happyhappyday · 13/10/2022 18:18

@spanishmumireland well said! My work life balance is facilitated by a husband who has also opted for a less stressful job and his by me making that choice. But we are both still able to work FT. DC only in childcare 9-4:30. We don’t do tons of chores on the weekend by any means. Family don’t do regular childcare for us. We made financial choices (smaller house mainly) that allow us to stick with our less stressful jobs (both could easily be earning 2x if we were willing to work for Amazon, Google etc).

SleepingStandingUp · 13/10/2022 18:20

Mommabear20 · 13/10/2022 18:07

I can't imagine sitting at home alone while my kids were at school, but it's each to their own isn't it. My DM was a SAHM all my life, and it was what she enjoyed, keeping the home, cooking, and being there for us when we went out on a morning and again in the afternoon. 🤷‍♀️ I couldn't do it but she loved it.

Why do you need to sit at home alone??

My 3 yos may be full time from Jan so I'll have an empty house from 9 am til 2.45 (inside of school run).

I'll be studying, doing housework I'd otherwise do of an evening / weekend, spending time with my sister and newborn nibbling, spending time with friends who are free in the day, spending time working on my volunteer role. On top of that there's hospital appts for kids and all the school commitment stuff I couldn't do if I worked (so we had a 12 hour trip last month, a 80 minute session today, a 60 minute assembly yesterday and that's just with the eldest in school. I certainly won't be rocking backwards and forwards in my chair moaning quietly into the void of my existence

Chrisinthemorning · 13/10/2022 18:20

I work 2 days with a 10 year old who is at school and yes I have a cleaner.
We can afford it (mortgage free) and I never complain about money.
I like my life and am able to help my parents who are mid 70s with things. My Dad has cancer so they need a little help.
As we went into Covid lockdown my mental health was so bad I thought I would never work again. I had 6 months off and the way I feel now I can happily carry on doing 2 days for the next 10-15 years (I’m 45).
There are lots of reasons but FT work with children is exhausting and not easy for parent or child. PT allows for a better mix.

Forfukzsake · 13/10/2022 18:21

Some people know there is more to life than work.

Caroffee · 13/10/2022 18:22

Because they don't want to and can afford not to (despite their moaning). Many people find work unfulfilling to say the least. There is more to life. These women probably like to work part-time for some adult company, social contact and pin money but aren't otherwise bothered about it.

TwoWrightFeet · 13/10/2022 18:22

Unfortunately most people are incredibly lazy when it comes to work. It seems to be a race to the bottom to who can work the least hours.

FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 13/10/2022 18:22

I can complain about my husband without divorcing him, right? Complain about school without transferring the kids? It’s par for the course to complain about finances without maximising your finances.

Comedycook · 13/10/2022 18:23

I'm currently a sahm but even when I worked two days a week, I felt like it was too much and I struggled to keep up with house/kid stuff.

CanYouPickItUp · 13/10/2022 18:23

I work part time because I want to and I have a profession where it's fairly easy/common to do so.

Sh05 · 13/10/2022 18:23

My main reason is my house would be a tip, the cupboards would be empty and the laundry basket constantly piled up.
My husband already works long hours, if I did the same I'd either be working but doing the bare minimum of my actual duties or working full on and neglecting everything and everyone else.
We're not a high income family, were also not on the breadline, we've always been good savers and not big spenders. We make do with what we have and don't sweat about what we don't. And we never compare our lives to those around us. There lies misery.

Cats4life · 13/10/2022 18:23

I think about it long term, if kids are a bit older and more self sufficient and childcare is taken out of the equation then the both of us working full time means we pay the mortgage off quicker we can retire earlier we can travel and do more activities and hobbies- but for some people these arent priorities, I met a girl who hated to travel her life was work, children, gym which i think sounds like hell but she prob thinks my life sounds like hell

Different strokes I suppose but to me the financial benefits outweigh the other stuff

NippyWoowoo · 13/10/2022 18:23

Because I don't want to, HTH.

Oh, and I have no children either 😇

cherrytreelanecherries · 13/10/2022 18:25

pattihews · 13/10/2022 17:32

Worth remembering that your state pension is dependant on you having paid National Insurance contributions for 35 years. This comes as a nasty shock to some people.

I don’t understand this comment - you do still get NI contributions if you work part time!

I have NI contributions dating back to the part time job I had at 16.

Sewwhatmrmagpie · 13/10/2022 18:25

I stayed PT after my DD went to school because I didn't like my job much. I worked 16 hrs when she was under school age and increased to 30 hours. I also enjoyed going in to school to help out during my days off.

I changed jobs after a while and then went FT because I enjoyed the job, and have stayed FT ever since.

Cats4life · 13/10/2022 18:25

Forfukzsake · 13/10/2022 18:21

Some people know there is more to life than work.

I think most people know this, I know this and still work fulltime dont presume that people who work fulltime dont enjoy life or are all workaholics

Woolandwonder · 13/10/2022 18:26

I don't work full time. I don't even have kids! I do have a chronic illness and would work more if I could but even if I was fit and well I'd have no interest in working 5 days a week, I'd probably work 4, despite definitely not being loaded, I just don't think it's a healthy balance, the only people I know that do work full time are really stressed trying to juggle everything and/or spend money on cleaners/dog walkers etc.

Cloverforever · 13/10/2022 18:27

Newusernameaug · 13/10/2022 17:17

Because not everyone wants to dedicate the majority of their life working for someone else!

strangely enough for some people life isn’t just about how much money you earn, but how much quality time you have

Exactly this. I enjoy my work, but enjoy my time off more. I work as much as I need to, no more.

flowersinthewind · 13/10/2022 18:27

I don't work full time I work part-time at a Nursery as a bank staff member three days a week meaning I get flexible hours. My hubby wfh as an architect I would be bored at home all day. Plus we have no mortgage we own outright

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