To wonder why some people don't work full-time?

[donniedarko89]

I was part-time myself while DD was very young as I wanted to spend time with her. I know many mums however who have stayed part time even after the kids go to school. They only work 2 or 3 days a week. The thing is, they're not loaded, on the contrary they keep complaining that finances are tight and they can't afford stuff - then why not increase your work days (they could all easily do it)? Some of them even have a cleaner. No hobbies on the side either. It genuinely puzzles me!

1. DD with significant medical condition - appointments practically every other week at a hospital 1 hours' drive away. Takes whole day - often means I have to ask DH to do pick-up for DS. Also, due to her condition she has more dental appointments during school time (specialist hospital dental team), so even though she's year 10, she needs care. We have to run a second car for this (tried it with one, but DH business too compromised), as no public transport to specialist hospital - so we'd be one of those you mention OP that don't work F/T but moan about being short of money.
2. DD needs lots of care but mainly night-time. If you met her during the day you'd think she had zero needs. Care is something like home dialysis. Managing DD's IV and oral medication and all the admin that entails takes me at least 1 day per week. Current prescriptions in short supply - think on the phone to GP several times a week, driving to different pharmacies etc.
3. DD's condition means lots more laundry & lots more specialist food preparation.
4. Youngest DS is still in primary. Needs collecting at 3:15. DH does this when I work, but can't do it 5 days/wk.
5. We have zero family nearby and the family we do have live far away but need us at times. My DF died recently, but was ill for a long time before then. FIL has dementia. MIL needs support at times. We can't do much, but it helps to work P/T and visit for long weekends etc.
6. DH runs his own business. Can be flexible, but needs to put in the hours, go abroad at times etc, so me working F/T doesn't work.
7. In order to be flexible/school holidays etc my work is poorly paid (TA in school), so can't afford wrap around childcare.

This. And I hate it when people ask why other do or do not choose to live their lives a certain way.
People still deserve empathy even if their life choices are different.

@MargeSampson Or they cannot afford/do not have any wraparound childcare available.

Hi,
I believe that apart from the benefits of having time to raise the kids is that if you work less than 16 hours/week - I believe- you can still have government help (benefits), that’s why many chose to work part time. Because the other part time is funded by full time workers (I’m talking about low income families, single parents…, of course if the partners earn a fair amount you never get anything and the choice to do part time is simply to have a nice balanced work/ life.

If you do the maths and go back to work full time having to pay childcare, you end up much worse off working full time, unfortunately is the reality where hard workers end up poorer :(

We can manage with me working part time and I’m a much nicer person and parent this way, which is probably the most important thing. We could have more money - a nicer house or better holidays but they would have a crabby bitch for a mum.

May be all kinds of reasons. After my daughter was born I went back to work 3 days a week (when she was a year old). I wanted to have the other days with her. When she started full time school I stayed part time as I wanted time with her after school, whether to go to the park, help her with school projects or just play/visit friends/have them visit us. Before too long I became self employed. This allowed me to increase my hours but work within the 9.00am - 3.30pm that she was in school and catch up on computer based stuff once she was in bed. I would have been financially better off if I'd worked longer hours but I'm glad I didn't miss out on her early years.

I work part time.

I would like to buy certain things that our incomes won’t stretch to. These aren’t necessities but luxuries.

I balance my desire to have these items with my desire to see my children more. I currently don’t work school holidays, and try to limit my days to 3 a week. Sometimes it’s 4. If it came down to it and we were struggling to pay for essentials and be comfortable enough, I would increase my hours. But I really value spending time with my children.

I didn’t realise I wasn't allowed to grumble about not being able to buy a handbag I want if there was any way (regardless of its unpalatability to me) I could somehow gather the funds to get it.

I don’t want to. I don’t want to have to find and pay for childcare, my OH works shifts and any work I’d be likely to find would be shifts. There are no childcare facilities open when you’re pulling pints at midnight.

I also don’t actually mind being skint. As long as I’ve got enough for necessities then I’m peachy. I can pick up extra bits of odd jobs here and there if I need more.

I think there are soooo many reasons why people don't work ft and they have all been listed on this thread! And it may be a combination of factors. You have to ask the individual if you really want to know - or use your imagination.

Also, why can't friends complain about lack of money to each other? Sometimes friends do this and I think:

• you could work more hours
• You could go on cheaper / fewer holidays
• you could just have one car
• you could live in a cheaper area
• you could spend less money on X or Y

BUT I wouldn't say that (unless they asked for suggestions).. they are entitled to have a minor whinge! There are often good reasons why they can't do the things I'm thinking. They are not stupid and they know the trade off of their actions. Unless they are complaining all the time and seem genuinely puzzled, I wouldn't think anything of it.

I would love to go back full time, but the hours they need me for don't work. I need to be at home to take the kids to school so the 7am start is out and I need to be at home with my kids (as they are to young to be left on their own) when they are home from school, so 10pm finishes don't work. So I do 2 10pm finishes one when my DH is at home to be with the kids and one at the weekend when my DM has them overnight. I pick up extra shifts here and there to help out, but only the hours I can do, which are always covering for another member of staff.

Because after watching my parents work hard all their lives and both subsequently pass away within 2 years of their retirement age - and me then having a mild heart attack after the stress of that (along with other things) I value my work life balance and want to spend as much time as I can with my boys - at 20 and 14 they won’t be at home forever. Money is tight - but money isn’t everything. My family is!

Oh come on OP. 😂

On threads like these, the OP wants to do one of these things -

a) Join in with bashing whoever or whatever is the subject of the thread

b) Give an impression that they remain balanced, that they're bewildered by it all, whilst satisfactorily watching other people get their clubs and bash the subject for them.

Topgub - "he views women as capabable of nothing more than childcare but doesn't value it himself."

No. He understood me and respected that if we had several children, there is an impact to that and women bear the brunt, physically and emotionally, so it's his job to take the slack elsewhere. He does value 'childcare' but knows I'm the best person for our kids day to day in terms of my temperament and motivations in life and just the way I am. He also knows he is the best person for our kids in terms of providing them with a home, schools and other opportunities. Anything else (for us) would be less practical; more stress for everyone concerned; less fulfilling and less money and a less secure future.

I work part time and on the days I do work I'm up early dragging my dc to breakfast club, rushing around to sit at a desk for 8 hours. I don't get to see my dc those evenings as I'm home too late and to be honest with you I'd rather spend time with the ones I love and have less money. Life's too short.

I chose to stay at home as didn’t want anyone else bringing our children up, my husband always worked whilst I stayed with our children, we sacrificed cash for joy, my second child had severe allergies / Anaphylaxis to Egg, Milk, nuts and some fruit I came close to loosing her on one occasion, why would I want to trust putting her in nursery, Sure I could of chosen working full time but think about what would be missed, we have struggled through but all worth it for the memories, it’s each to their own but this is my story and one that I don’t regret for a second

OP here, I have seen some people saying I am judgemental/nosey etc. The people I was referring to are not school gate mums, but mums I hang out with and know quite well. They have often commented on things I do/would like to do saying they're expensive (nothing out of the ordinary, I am not super loaded either), which made me feel a bit guarded and conscious about the topic.

About the whole working mum/FT/PT/SAHM debate, everyone is obviously free to choose what works best for them. But I hate this rhetoric that a SAHM or even a PT Mum is a better Mum. I changed jobs and went FT because I wanted to work in a sector I would be proud of, and in this way inspire my DD. I think that's valuable in its own way!

@ambermorning

Its a gender stereotype match made in heaven!

Because childcare is a faff to organise or too expensive to pay for alongside a wage - the cost of working outweighs the point of working in the first place…?

I like only working part time 😂

Probably because they found during lockdown they are just as well off working 20 hours a week and getting benefits top ups . I don't blame them . Liz Truss and the Government are going to crack down on it by making people work more hours . Good luck with that considering the expenses scandal .

Work life balance?

Mental health?

Stressful job?

Not given an increase in hours again after being part time?

Damaged career prospects from parenthood and part time working?

Still doing 100% of the childcare and housework?

And the rest.

I wanted to work ft but my second child has sen so even going back pt is difficult. It feels strange not working but due to me being an older mother and also having a successful career and investing money when younger I'm doing OK. But I see a lot of other sen parents and they do struggle financially because they just can't work the hours needed. Nobody struggles out of choice.

"Its a gender stereotype match made in heaven!"

As opposed to what - a "look at us were so non-gendered - oooooh noooo" stereotype match made in heaven?

Oh and again, if my OH had told me he wanted kids but to not actually look after them because I as the woman was obviously better suited 'temprementally' and that actually he'd be a pretty shit dad, only suited to making money, he'd have been out the door so fast his feet wouldn't have touched the floor.

Funny how we all have different priorities eh?

Interesting discussion I’ve always worked part or full time but now I’m off on the sick due to my daughter mental health and eating disorder and going through a horrible divorce where there father pays for nothing yes money is tight but I’ve come to realise family mean more