To wonder why some people don't work full-time?

[donniedarko89]

I was part-time myself while DD was very young as I wanted to spend time with her. I know many mums however who have stayed part time even after the kids go to school. They only work 2 or 3 days a week. The thing is, they're not loaded, on the contrary they keep complaining that finances are tight and they can't afford stuff - then why not increase your work days (they could all easily do it)? Some of them even have a cleaner. No hobbies on the side either. It genuinely puzzles me!

Because I can't be arsed 🤷‍♀️

@facelift Another person here. I progressed my career too.

Exactly this. I have absolutely no problem with people choosing to stay at home with their children if they can afford it and they are comfortable with the financial risk.

What really pisses me off on these threads is this narrative that people who work are all desperately cut-throat ball-busting types who are determined to get the corner office and never see their kids because they are too busy playing Working Girl.

And you get this slew of silly comments along the lines of "I don't live to work" or "You'll never get the time back" or "There's more to life than work" (no shit, Sherlock).

There seems to be this perception that women who work FT do so because they are determined to prove a point, even at their children's expense. Or that they do so because they want to buy Ferraris or Prada footwear.

It's all astonishingly lacking in any basic understanding of economic reality and it makes me wonder how there are so many people in this world who can't understand that a lot of people need to work to support their children. It also misses the vast level of variety around what work can encompass. Work can be as demanding or as chilled as you make it and it can range from being ludicrously demanding to incredibly flexible. But there is a certain type of SAHM on here who talks about work as if they are describing a cross between a 1980s investment bank and a Siberian prison camp. It just has absolutely no basis in reality at all.

I'm single, no children and choose to work only 25 hours per week.

I love it.

So many things about this post I dislike!!!

For a start you're obviously one of those sharp-nosed mum's at the school gate who is into everybody's business. I've got literally no idea what hours the mums of my DD's classmates work, unless they are my very close friends - why would I? I also have no idea, if they work part time, how easy it would or wouldn't be for them to simply snap their fingers and "increase their hours" - personally, I had to put at least a year full time in at my workplace before being eligible for the flexible working policy and had to make a strong case for reducing my hours. My youngest is still in nursery and I spend my day off with her; but I don't think that in 3 years when she goes to school I'll simply be able to turn around to my boss and say "so I'm going to increase my hours (and salary) by 20% now because it's convenient for ME, that's cool right?" I can't think of a job or a sector where it would be possible to do that in the current climate, unless they are all NHS clinical staff. So I can only assume your certainty that they could "easily" increase their hours is pulled out of your hat.

For another, how on earth do you know that their husbands/partners don't also work flexibly or part time? Mine does - we both work 0.8FTE and so we can have a day off with our youngest daughter, and so eldest can actually finish school at 3.15 a couple of days a week instead of heading to after school club. How would your nosy self know that unless I'd told you? Incidentally neither of us are looking to increase our hours when youngest is at school. We like the balance, spending more time with our daughters, getting various admin, shopping etc done on days off so weekends can be family time. We have a cleaner too actually (horrors). Because we prioritise our time over what money we can make with it. And yes we might occasionally moan that money is tight, or not send our children on a £££ skiing trip with school so we can afford to do this. But that's because big ticket items aside the lifestyle works best for our whole family.

For another, this sanctimony about "pulling your weight" and not "putting all the pressure" on their poor poor husbands is just ghastly. YOU ARE NOT PRIVY TO THEIR DECISIONMAKING AS A FAMILY OR AS A COUPLE. And unless your FT job is earning exactly the same or more than your DH's FT job, then you are in the same position of not bringing in as much financially to the family pot, whilst not providing the useful cover a PT parent does. Do you think no woman should partner up with a man who earns more than she does and vice versa? What if you start out on level pegging but one of you gets a big promotion - if the other party can't keep pace economically, should she/he separate from their beloved partner in the name of fairness? What is the principle at stake here? Your personal preference for how you and your partner manage your affairs is not a moral good that all couples should aspire to.

Nobody should take the piss in a relationship. But contributions to a family take many forms, not all of them financial. You cannot decide from your observer's standpoint that the women you are talking about "do nothing" whilst heaping pressure on their husbands to earn more. You just don't know. You are assuming. Quite probably out of envy you will NEVER admit.

RJnomore1 · Yesterday 19:36
Can I ask a genuine question of all the pet timers on here (almost all at least)
Why is it you who is part time to facilitate family life and not your husband/partner?

Because he earns six times what I do! Is that a good enough reason?

Can I ask a genuine question of all the pet timers on here (almost all at least)
Why is it you who is part time to facilitate family life and not your husband/partner?*
Because he earns everything eighty times what I do! Is that a good enough reason?

Well this is very confusing. PT/SAHMs are simultaneously lazy parasitic princesses who should be ashamed of themselves AND the downtrodden victims of the patriarchy. Trying to square that contempt with that jealousy must be making some posters positively crosseyed.

I'm sure somehow there's a way you're doing it wrong, Llama. But I'm sure you'll find a way to sleep at night! 😉

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen

Who do you think is jealous?

And of what?

But contributions to a family take many forms, not all of them financial. You cannot decide from your observer's standpoint that the women you are talking about "do nothing" whilst heaping pressure on their husbands to earn more. You just don't know. You are assuming. Quite probably out of envy you will NEVER admit.

I agree.

Contributions to a family/home indeed take many forms, and many couples choose to work as a partnership, where both parties benefit and are happy with their choices!

FACT!

Well if you work 3 days a week you need less wrap around care and less child care in the 13 weeks of school holidays don't you? Many kids do not cope well with wrap around care, especially those with SEN - one of mine has SEN but most people don't know this.

There's also many other reasons but like a PP I just can't be arsed to list them all.

The OP is clearly v judgemental of the women in her post, and seems to think they just sit around when they should be making themselves in some way useful. Sounds like envy to me. I mean. Clearly misplaced as she has no bloody idea what their arrangements or their lives are really like, unless she's been peeping through their letterbox.

The 'do little housework' piqued my interest @Eurydice84
So it sounds as though you're judging based on hearsay (although apologies if I am wrong - perhaps you have inspected these women's homes)?
What appears to be the case often isn't the case.
Others have pointed out reasons why a person might not work full-time.
I would advise you to be careful of jumping to conclusions.

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen

The op didn't mention PT/SAHMs are simultaneously lazy parasitic princesses who should be ashamed of themselves AND the downtrodden victims of the patriarchy.

You also said posters plural.

The op doesn't sound envious at all.

Its very clear they don't get moaning about not having enough money whole working part time.

How does that come across as envious?

And full time me was bloody jealous of theoretical part time me. Jealous she got to spend so much more time with her young kids. That's why I pursued part time work. And I found it so rewarding and relaxing that my DP followed my example. We love it. Because full time work, and maximising earnings, isn't for everyone.

The other thing which screams from the opening post is projection.
Often, that which we fear about ourselves, we project onto others.
e.g. fear being a 'bad' mother? You'll then 'notice' (project) things which indicate others are 'bad' mothers.

Well I haven't read all 28 pages because I have a load of sitting around on my arse to do today 😉

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen

Ok

So no one sounds jealous then, except you?

Grand

Oh come on who doesn't moan about not having enough money in idle chat at the school gate? It's on a par with "nice weather for ducks!" and "oh god only 2 months until Christmas, where does the time to?" in the panoply of non-conversations one will have with people you have bugger all in common with bar having a child or children of similar age.

Because OP people don't need to live their life worrying about if whether how they do it will one day genuinely puzzle some random person.

I don't moan about having enough money unless I am really struggling. It is insensitive and makes many people look like liars.

Whatever. I will just never for the life of me, in a world where even a brief perusal of the headlines makes me want to crawl into a hole on Mars and hide from the worst of humanity, understand how people can get so aerated about someone having a couple of days off a week, or having the odd moan about the life that they have nevertheless chosen for themselves with their eyes open and are largely content with. It speaks to people who are either not content with their own life choices, or just narky fuckers looking for a fight.

No I can't say I've ever moaned about money at the school gate.

I find people who moan about being skint who aren't actually skint a pita though.