AIBU?
To think my kid shouldn't be concerned by her looks
34and3 · 13/10/2022 07:51
Dd1 is 12, year 8. Every morning for school she straightens her hair and puts on layers of mascara as well as some concealer. She's almost obsessive with her appearance and it's worrying me. For context her friends do similar. They're in the "cool" group - or so they think are! We've talked about not being a sheep, being yourself etc etc. She's my first so I don't know if I'm responding to this properly. She's in a mixed independent school whereas I went to an all girls so I just didn't care.
Aibu? Is this just "normal"?
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 17/10/2022 18:01
Reallyreallyborednow · 17/10/2022 17:57
It really, really doesn’t unless you’re exceptionally dim
clearly I’m exceptionally dim then.
So you think women only look nice with make up on?
Because that was the point of my post. - you’d have to be really dim to think that the only way to look good is with make up on.
Reallyreallyborednow · 17/10/2022 18:16
So you think women only look nice with make up on?
Because that was the point of my post. - you’d have to be really dim to think that the only way to look good is with make up on
well something has got crossed is that is exactly my point 😂
I am saying that generally society perceives women wearing make up as “looking nice” or “making an effort”. The pp who have said I wear make because I like looking nice implies that you can’t look nice without. I am saying you can 😂
Liorae · 17/10/2022 19:32
OoooohMatron · 17/10/2022 07:37
I have always found it strange that it's only girls who wear make up and do their hair are considered 'sheep'. Would a group of goth kids, all wearing black clothes, piercings etc be called 'sheep'. Essentially they are also dressing to fit in with their peer group.
I remember very well my brother and his friends envying girls being able to socially acceptably use concealer etc. I suspect a lot of teen boys today feel the same.
Reallyreallyborednow · 17/10/2022 19:37
I remember very well my brother and his friends envying girls being able to socially acceptably use concealer etc. I suspect a lot of teen boys today feel the same
yet another example of how gender norms have gone back to being more extreme.
back in the 70’s and 80’s make up on men was almost mainstream. From marc Bolan and glam rock through Duran Duran, Adam ant, Robert smith…. Eyeliner used to be cool for blokes.
JaninaDuszejko · 17/10/2022 20:00
I think it's normal for the 'popular' girls but I'd not let a 12 yo wear makeup every day, it's really not good for their skin and it's teaching them that they have to change themselves to be 'acceptable'.
My DDs are Y9 and Y10 and while I'm fine with them experimenting with makeup when they go out in the evening or at the weekend I don't let them wear makeup to school. They are too young and I don't want them to think it's necessary. Thankfully they are not in the
Galaktoboureko · 18/10/2022 18:07
it's teaching them that they have to change themselves to be 'acceptable'.
Everybody has to though tbf.
I'd not date a bloke who looked like Tom Hanks in Castaway. We defo go more OTT than men with a our cosmetics etc but people seem to always bang on about how women shouldn't feel the need to shave their body hair whilst totally forgetting that almost every man does.
Echobelly · 18/10/2022 18:11
It is pretty normal - I guess the key thing is whether she does it because it's 'the done thing' in her friend group, or does she feel/is she starting to feel 'ugly' without it.
I like clothes and makeup as a fun part of my life, but I think it's a shame when they become a 'duty' that you have to 'get right', so I'd just be keeping an eye if things are going that way with her.
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