To think my school ask for too much money

[Milliwent]

We have two non uniform days this week alone. Both for charity which I feel bad moaning about but I’m too poor to buy stuff to fit the colour scheme and pay donations. Twice got three kids..

there was a non uniform day a couple of weeks ago for the pta.

a £20 trip to a free museum last week

there’s a pta Halloween party next week. Entrance fee times three and costumes.

before summer we had four fundraising requests and non uniform days in a fortnight. Soon followed by three requests for booze, toys and chocolates for the summer fair in return for three non uniform days.

on Mother’s Day we have to send a gift and money to buy a gift back. On Father’s Day the same. My shy sons always comes home depressed because they feel like they got pushed out of the way for the best gifts and gets a bottle of pop. We send in a decent gift even though we can’t afford in because I feel embarrassed for him otherwise. I basically pay a bomb to see three kids fed up

next term we have to pay to wear spots for children in need, pay to wear a Christmas jumper and then the Xmas fair donations… bring in A toy for no uniform, bring in chocolates for no uniform and bring in a bottle of booze for no uniform.

funding all the gifts and donations and nice clothes for three boys is so hard.

i can’t cope. Am I being unreasonable to think they should rain it in when the price of everything is going up?

i work 40 hours a week and am studying for a degree and caring for three kids and I am just so tired

Yanbu but you need to speak to school.

Colour isn't compulsory. If it's yellow but they have a blue t-shirt with a yellow dinosaur, send them in that. If you haven't, send them in something close - orange, green etc. Or raid the charity shop and keep it for next year as they age up because the colours repeat.

Bottles, chocolates etc, lower your standards. Send them in with a cheap bottle or pop and a single bar each. No kids are taking records of who brings what. Put it in a small bag if you really need to. If you get any presents for Xmas that you'd donate, keep aside for this kind of thing.

School trip, explain you're a single parent with three kids so you can't afford £20 for a short coach ride but you really want them to go. They should be able to cover for kids who can't afford it. Tbh is be looking who you can raise that with as that's frankly ridiculous.

Just stop feeling like you need to put on an act. You're doing a great job, go easier on yourself

YANBU. I don't know how you remember all these things, let alone pay for them. Your choices are to either suck it up (and buy cheaper because everyone else is anyway) or to speak to the school about it. One fundraising non-uniform day per half term. Lots of notice of requests for donations for the harvest festival, Christmas fair and summer fete. None of this nonsensical gift exchange business for Mother's Day, Father's Day etc.

Also, I politely asked DD's school for a bit more notice for the next trip when they gave 2 weeks notice of a £28 fee, not over a pay day. It's great in theory to have enthusiastic staff organising loads for the kids, but it needs to be with consideration for how parents are going to afford it.

There was a thread earlier similar to this that I commented on. I agree, children woukdn't be that expensive if it wasn't for the schools, which I can't believe they pile on all this pressure.

Speak up to school. Get others to.

@PolkaDotMankini @SleepingStandingUp

Good advice thank you both. The school aren’t the best at handling a bit of criticism. You can’t say anything and past experience makes ne nervous about saying something. The fairs and mothers Father’s Day have been the same for over six years. I can’t believe no one’s said something in all that time

i just can’t afford it anymore

i will try to say something and if I can’t I will just buy cheaper and fudge colours etc

@Hibye23289 School is definitely my biggest parent stress! They’ve doubled the homework too. Which is a drain on me for three primary kids.chasing them to do it. Why do they make life so hard for us

@Feetache I will try thank you

YANBU They never used to insist on a colour for non uniform day. Surely it defeats the purpose of 'non uniform'. You shouldn't have to buy stuff especially for it, its as bad as Xmas jumper day.

My school now has electronic payments. The joy being noone sees if you don't donate to everything.

Have a whinge at pick up and find some like minded souls. Then suggest to the PTA they are failing to be inclusive. Tends to horrify them.

It's really lazy fundraising to do this. If they want to raise funds they should get more inventive than bullying parents via their children to bring stuff in all the time.

Sometimes it's stuff like Wear Yellow for World Mental Health Day that is like a charity colour, rather than just randomly working through the rainbow. But actually we didn't pay for that as it isn't a fundraising one, it's an awareness one. It'll be spot's for children in need. Red for red nose day. But still, fudge it or charity shop it and keep it for next year for the next kid.

World book day and Halloween are the big owns here as DS always has clear ideas 😳 so I'm spending my weekend stitching teeth into a costume.

Part of the secret is also anticipation. I picked up a costume cheap for the little ones for next March. All the kids have a spectrum of coloured tops not just boy blue and boy sludge (as so much of it is), I already know what he's wearing for WBD so I can keep an eye out now to pick up cheap bits. But it all takes planning and it must be immeasurably harder working full time as a lone parent with three of them.

I agree with you, OP. The worst things are definitely those that involve shelling out before you 'qualify' to pay - having to buy a Christmas jumper or an item of clothing in a colour that your child doesn't otherwise ever wear; or buying supermarket cakes for other parents to buy for 6 times their cost to you, whilst you do the same with theirs!

Op I'd email the school, put it all down on one message.
They are asking for far too much.

When my oldest started school they did loads of fundraising for different things, Children in Need, Shoe box appeals, food bank, bring and buy, sponsors, dress down day, Christmas jumper day, big buddy gift, the list was endless

The Head retired, new head, 4 dress down days per year, paid electronically so nobody knows if you dont put in and PTA do a couple of things inc raffle.

Honestly it's bonkers to expect families who are struggling to spend money on fund raising for other causes.

I home educate now but my children's old school was exactly like this. It was constant, It's a lot to add to the mental load even putting finances aside.

The fact is schools are also broke. They have no budgets and are relying on parents to step in and pay for 100 random pta events and non uniform days to fund things that should be funded by the government.

It's so hard to say no. I was like you and would spend my last £15 on tombola prizes or what not, our school was very upper middle class and I didn't want my children embarrassed so killed myself to keep up. You are probably not the only parent feeling it, & are not being unreasonable.

Totally agree.

They should pick one charity and then school fund raisers to reduce the cost towards trips or extras for the kids.

Im also fed up of national charity days and cake sales. It’s not fair.

@SleepingStandingUp We had to pay for mental health day and only one of three kids did any awareness on it this week. I think that’s what tipped me over the edge! I anticipated WBD because my kids love it then my effort was wasted last year because school have stopped it to save parents money. Then they made me send one kid in dressed as a phonic! And the other as a pirate They wrote gutted they couldn’t be their planned characters but I then had to spend more money doing the supposed non money things. Make it make sense!

Were not wrote sorry tired

YADNBU

That is a ridiculously about of events. I don’t mind fundraising but I would be pissed at this amount.

I don’t do sponsorships, I hate the pressure put on children to compete raising money, not everyone has friends and family that can constantly give money especially when multiple children are asking so I just don’t allow it.

Not everyone pays for non uniform days. I know our school never gets the full amount. Once I forgot to send money in, no one asked, I remembered the following week and got an “o your honest” from them.

I don’t mind the chocolate but with wine there are times I’ve just done the one cheap cheap bottle, no way am I sending multiple in.

I don’t buy specific colours unless I know it’s something I’d want to buy anyway. I once had to send my dcs in in red, white & blue, I think it was World Cup related, I sent my DDs in their Ireland football kits and a mixture or red white and blue hair ties.

For spots use some lipstick and stick spots on their faces, or colour spots on an old T-shirt, Xmas jumper day paint a Santa or tree on a jumper. My DDs love painting their old clothes for themed days. My 8yo DD just painted a plain T-shirt for her halloween costume, she’s very proud of it.

We’ve never been asked for mother and Father’s Day, I think we got a bath bomb one year but the ptfa bought them and everyone got the same.

Talk to people on the PTA. Or your parent governor (or any of the governors, tbh), This kind of thing is absolutely ridiculous, especially right now. It’s okay for children just to have a lot of normal days.

Good grief OP, that sounds horrible. I know it’s easier said than done but it sounds like someone needs to put their foot down. All of those awareness days would honestly drive me up the wall since most of the organizations are bloated ones where your money goes to overhead and administration costs.

serious question, what happens if you send your kid not in uniform on a non-uniform day without contributing?

Worldbookday doesn't need to involve money. Take in a book you like and say why you like it.

I think most primary schools are like this nowadays.
We had a living history day which was £12 per child / dress up as a Viking too if you can - nothing homemade encouraged, most kids wearing the same costume brought from Amazon.

World book day is another one I hate, just let kids go in their pyjamas, I don't mind paying £1-2 contribution, I do hate the pressure to buy an outfit that my child will wear once.

@Milliwent thats an awful lot of events and money. I would call or email the school and mention ‘the cost of the school day’ this is a big thing just now and schools are being encouraged to look at how and where they can cut costs. Google it and you will see lots about it online. Examples at my school this year are no enterprise stalls at Christmas and snacks being supplied for each child. Swap shops for old costumes, Christmas jumpers.
My DD’s school have collected old Halloween costumes which will be out at parents night for people to take home and reuse. They have done away with quite a few things too.

We had this! It annoyed a lot of parents, not just the odd one. All pumped for cash nonstop. We minimised as much as possible. Outfits were always borrowed or a shamble of items found in my home. Stopped sending cakes and prizes in. Would pay £1 to go in costume and on any trips.

The school need to look at how they are collecting money if they’re going to ask for donations. DDs school have the leadership team dotted about out on the playground before school on days requiring a cash donation, if you don’t out anything in no one notices as no ones keeping track. And it’s made clear it’s optional (both the donation and non-uniform for the children who don’t like it).

I agree with @Macaroni1924 about the ‘cost of a school day calendar’. I would email them and link it. The harvest festival date says ‘How can you collect donations so that pupils are not able to identify who has not made a contribution?’ DDs school are having donation boxes on the field and that way other students won’t know who hasn’t bought donations in. They really shouldn’t be asking so much of parents, especially with the cost of living at the moment.

cpag.org.uk/system/files_force/files/page/Cost_of_the_School_Day_Calendar_2022_23.pdf