To think my school ask for too much money

[Milliwent]

We have two non uniform days this week alone. Both for charity which I feel bad moaning about but I’m too poor to buy stuff to fit the colour scheme and pay donations. Twice got three kids..

there was a non uniform day a couple of weeks ago for the pta.

a £20 trip to a free museum last week

there’s a pta Halloween party next week. Entrance fee times three and costumes.

before summer we had four fundraising requests and non uniform days in a fortnight. Soon followed by three requests for booze, toys and chocolates for the summer fair in return for three non uniform days.

on Mother’s Day we have to send a gift and money to buy a gift back. On Father’s Day the same. My shy sons always comes home depressed because they feel like they got pushed out of the way for the best gifts and gets a bottle of pop. We send in a decent gift even though we can’t afford in because I feel embarrassed for him otherwise. I basically pay a bomb to see three kids fed up

next term we have to pay to wear spots for children in need, pay to wear a Christmas jumper and then the Xmas fair donations… bring in A toy for no uniform, bring in chocolates for no uniform and bring in a bottle of booze for no uniform.

funding all the gifts and donations and nice clothes for three boys is so hard.

i can’t cope. Am I being unreasonable to think they should rain it in when the price of everything is going up?

i work 40 hours a week and am studying for a degree and caring for three kids and I am just so tired

Our school and PTA do this, but none uniform days most kids just come in any non uniform regardless. With the bring and buy back, people have stopped bringing things in or buying things back.

Also one things that’s annoying me at the moment is the kids are taking their jumpers off because the hearing is hot in the building. I will be mightly pissed of over winter they do a fund raising drive because of cost of energy when they are overheating it at the moment

I would buy cheap striped tops to cover all colours and buy them big to get a few years out of them and pass them down.
But I agree it all sounds v OTT

These should all be voluntary contributions, that is what the law says. When my kids were in primary I stopped donating money and started donating my time, not something that everyone can do but I had more of that available!

"The governing body or head teacher must also make it clear to parents that there is no obligation to make any contribution."
"It is important to note that no child should be excluded from an activity simply because his or her parents are unwilling or unable to pay"

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/706830/Charging_for_school_activities.pdf

YANBU at all, you shouldn’t need to buy anything additional like coloured tops or outfits so that your children can participate in education. This is really bad practice - school
leaders should know a lot better. I agree talk to the school, maybe the cost of living crisis will make then finally wake up to this. Hats off to you raising three kids on your own and working FT, if anyone deserves a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates, it’s you!

I don't have kids so my last experience of a school was when I was at one, but this sounds crazy, you have to pay for non uniform day now?? And why on Earth are kids expected to go into school with presents for other parents on mothers and Father's Day? surely the kids should be doing something like a drawing and taking it home to give to their own parents?

They certainly seem to be milking it! I wouldn't be buying expensive gifts. Just the cheapest bottle of pop or some fizzy wine substitute .a,pound each for your children on non uniform Days. Maybe ask the teacher if you get on well with them .everyone is feeling the pinch now so other parents probably the same

Our school has started doing a pre loved uniform webpage. It also sells pre loved fancy dress for the dress up days. Could you suggest that to the PTA at the next meeting? A good way to get your ideas taken up is to get involved yourself.

My favourite one was when the school wanted all the pupils to have a iPad, we could pay in instalments or upfront it had to stay at school but we could keep it after 2 years when it was outdated! that was met with a hard no by the majority. It is never ending though, nonuniform days, donations for various things, costumes, clothes in certain colours and school trips. my older kids are also expected to pay £15 a term for ADT contributions and the price of the trips are eyewatering.

She said she's short of time though, due to working as a sm of 3 dc!. I

YADNBU!!!
this is crazy and I don’t blame you for being peed off. I would tell them it’s not on and not possible.. there must be other parents who feel the same as you! I can’t believe no one has spoken up. You definitely won’t be alone in thinking how outrageous this is X

@SleepingStandingUp World book day and Halloween are the big owns here as DS always has clear ideas 😳 so I'm spending my weekend stitching teeth into a costume.

Any chance he wants to be figure from doors? Because that's what my son has chosen and I'm doing the same!

Is your school in a middle class area where the expectation is that there is money to be sourced from parents? When I was teaching years ago there were no such demands. Outings involving expense were kept to a minimum as were demands made on parents. Fun days were based on simple requirements. We sat after school making outfits for school plays etc.Parents who had time came into help us. Not all schools were like this and I was amazed when we moved to another area and my own children were sent home with written requests that I make a barrel with another named parent as they were in the school play!!!!! Later amazed when at my grandchildren’s school collections were made by a parent for some extravagant present for a teacher’s present. I had lots of individual presents, sweets, ornaments and home made by the children. I loved them all. I would have been embarrassed to receive a M&S voucher from all those parents. Times have changed and in the present economic climate I would expect the school’s demands to be reduced accordingly.

My DCs school is exactly the same! There always seems to be something I need to fork out for really frequently.

That seems such a lot to have to fork out at one time!

Someone at our primary school set up a School Wardrobe private group on Facebook for everyone to share dress up/ costumes/certain colour clothes / nativity play costumes etc.

Works really well and the clothes just get passed round.

but of course someone has to buy them in the first place!

I think we have been gradually pulled into the buying things for some of these days - supermarkets are full of outfits, Christmas jumpers on sale already and then the added pressure from photos on social media and sometimes school prizes for best/most original costumes.
So I have different plans this year. Starting with Christmas jumpers - will be any warm jumper with either a piece of tinsel attached or kids drawing of a bauble or xmas tree attached for the front just for the day. Kids happy to go with this as they love the eco aspect.
The gift donation and buy back for mother and fathers day is an awful fundraising idea and I would not do it.

One time when d s was much younger at primary school I could not afford the £23 for a coach trip and the school paid for it. Nobody knew I think I rang up about it.

@CrochetIsCool I agree it's probably been a gradual creep.

Our school changed Christmas Jumper day to a Dress Down day, so kids can wear a Christmas jumper if they want, or just a t-shirt but there is no pressure for jumpers, or feeling out of it with tinsel attached to jumpers.

I’m on our school’s pta. We don’t enforce any payments. If a kid hasn’t paid for a ticket for the disco they can still come in and have drinks and snacks like everyone else. If they’ve no money for the cake sale we still let them have a cake. It’s part of our job to make sure all the kids are included.

I pushed back hard after four in as many weeks. The latest being a specific colour with three days notice. It was suggested to me by school that I was somehow heartless because I objected to a. The no notice, b. The request for special clothes and c. The other caveat that teachers would reward the children if they reached a donation target.

Completely unfair pressure on parents and children who hardly understand the value of money. I suggested things like bob a job through school instead of endless asking.

A calendar of these special days has now been circulated to parents and the begging letter was much softer. So despite them not liking criticism, they will listen and make adjustments.

It annoys me when it's not even for school resources. It boils down to 'We raised so much for charity. Look at us."

Sorry. Big rant but I am with you, OP.

There's been a few mums on here recently saying similar things, and it's a time of financial difficultly for a lot of people, so don't be ashamed to bring this up with the school and even other mothers.

You're doing an amazing job, if you can't afford it, tell them you can't afford it. School is about your kids getting an education, not a charity fundrasing organisation.

It’s a rural village with a mix of working and middle class… I think school thinks we’re richer than we are! Most of the houses are terraces but now I think about it all the mums I know in pta live in the lovely big new houses built just outside the village about ten years ago. Stating that as a fact not a dig… they might just not realise some of us can’t afford it.

You don’t have to give money to charity, just go in non uniform. It’s not the schools fault they are underfunded - blame the government.
If you want enrichment at schools you have to pay for it.
Schools will provide a quality education but not all the extras.
Schools sadly can’t afford things like glue/soap/sanitizer

Teaching children about those less well off than themselves and how they can help is education though.

I do blame the government. I think our school could choose less cheeky and intense methods though. I can’t afford two uniform days a week on regular occasion and giving a gift and also money to buy one back. It’s breaking me

im going to suggest some ideas. I don’t have the time to join the pta with three kids full time work and a degree on my own but hopefully offering ideas is ok