To think my school ask for too much money

[Milliwent]

We have two non uniform days this week alone. Both for charity which I feel bad moaning about but I’m too poor to buy stuff to fit the colour scheme and pay donations. Twice got three kids..

there was a non uniform day a couple of weeks ago for the pta.

a £20 trip to a free museum last week

there’s a pta Halloween party next week. Entrance fee times three and costumes.

before summer we had four fundraising requests and non uniform days in a fortnight. Soon followed by three requests for booze, toys and chocolates for the summer fair in return for three non uniform days.

on Mother’s Day we have to send a gift and money to buy a gift back. On Father’s Day the same. My shy sons always comes home depressed because they feel like they got pushed out of the way for the best gifts and gets a bottle of pop. We send in a decent gift even though we can’t afford in because I feel embarrassed for him otherwise. I basically pay a bomb to see three kids fed up

next term we have to pay to wear spots for children in need, pay to wear a Christmas jumper and then the Xmas fair donations… bring in A toy for no uniform, bring in chocolates for no uniform and bring in a bottle of booze for no uniform.

funding all the gifts and donations and nice clothes for three boys is so hard.

i can’t cope. Am I being unreasonable to think they should rain it in when the price of everything is going up?

i work 40 hours a week and am studying for a degree and caring for three kids and I am just so tired

Pick your battles. My kids would never do the Christmas jumper one so I sent them to school in usual uniform. They didn't care and I saved money. Always bound to be a few others who forgot so not a big deal. Same with children in need. They saw real friends struggling and couldn't understand why we didn't help them instead of a stupid bear (which you see in shops and supermarkets too). Just give to the ones your dcs get excited about.

The school aren’t the best at handling a bit of criticism

In that case I'd try the governors

That sounds like a crazy number of things to expect parents to fork out for, I would definitely raise it with the governors.

As an aside I always found it a bit ironic when my kids were in school that the school would insist you buy very expensive uniform then every so often kids would have to bring in $5 for the privilege of not wearing the very expensive uniform!

Christmas jumper day in our school was swapped for a dress down day, no pressure to buy a jumper. And hit it on the environmental aspect of disposable fashion.

We stopped doing any dress up days for all the reasons above. If I was only allowed to share with you the criticism we received from some of the parents you’d be flabbergasted!

You are allowed to stick a bit of tinsel on your school jumper for Christmas lunch though and (you’ll like this bit), we don’t charge any extra for you doing so!

Is the money for the school?

The mother's day set up sounds baaaad. You donate then someone else gets the nice gift you sent in. I'd tell them DCs buy you a present and don't want to get a school one.

A lot of it is fair, but it does sound like you school asks for a lot.

Id prioritise paying for anything that directly benefits my child, then donations that benefit the school, and we would participate but not do state for the external charities.

There is something very wrong about big corporate charities raising money through school children, especially if children are being left out of an event or activity if they don’t donate. I would genuinely like to see it become illegal.

I agree about emailing the school and also the governors, tell them exactly what you have told us. I also think its a good idea to rally support at the school gates. Its their problem if they don't like criticism, not yours.
I was part of the very over enthusiastic PTA when mine were little, and it was hard to pull some of them.
You sound as though you are doing brilliantly by the way op, in working full time, raising 3 children and studying for your degree. It must be tough now, but it'll be worth it in the long run.

I'd mention it to the class teacher. They won't care if your child comes in a different colour or you bring in a 50p bottle of lemonade for the three of them.
Lots of children do this.

I'd ask if they'd consider making cards at school rather than asking you to bring gifts in for Mother's Day etc. I've never heard of schools doing this.
Some schools have opportunities to exchange old uniform / Christmas jumpers.

Trips can often be paid in installments over time. We are trying to get more visitors into school as it's the coach that's the biggest cost.

Ask if some things can be paid per family and not per child.

YANBU in suggesting they think a bit more with finances.

Aren't they classed as voluntary donations? Ours are all electronic now on eduspot. Since exdh left I have been absolutely skint and just can't afford all of the payment requests so just ignore them and they disappear after around a week. Trips I pay in installments, but like you say it's all the other odd days that add up.

The school trip will be the coach hire.

The number of external charity days sounds insane

I don't mind the donate a bottle/gift/chocolate thing as their school allocates something different to each class and there's a range of price options.

The gift thing sound silly. We just get the option to buy something...

Our PTA have started doing uniform and costume sales which is working really well. Regularly throughout the year they ask for donations of uniform, costumes, shoes, coats, 'theme clothes like spots/yellow/stripes/Xmas jumper' etc for the theme days.

Then it all gets sold for 50p a piece.

Could you recommend anything like that to the PTA?

You could get in touch with school and raise the issues, encourage other parents to mention it too. Also write to governors about the concept of 'poverty proofing the school day'

children-ne.org.uk/what-is-poverty-proofing-the-school-day/

This stuff really matters, you are completely right @Milliwent and it will affect more and more families in the year to come (thank you very much Tory government twats).

That is a shocking amount of “fund-raising” days. I’m particularly taken aback by bringing in booze. That can’t be possibly right. Have I misunderstood?

YANBU. Don't speak to the school, speak to the governors.

My two are finally, finally old enough to be out of that. World Book day, history days, raffles, giving up Saturdays to run a fucking stall, non-uniform days but with the caveat that you have to wear mauve/pixie dust/onomatopoeias, trips to everywhere that I had to say "no" to... please, OP, complain, and with the fervour that I never had the courage to. For all of us full-time, working, exhausted mums, complain!

That's a ridiculous amount. Your PTA is running amuck.

Please send a message to the school and the pta explaining how all this is impacting your family. They need to dial back the events and/or make it clear that it is voluntary/more inclusive. Trips to museums and so on are usually part funded by the pta. In our school the letter always says that the cost is voluntary and to speak to the school if you have an issue paying.

Tbh I've never bought an outfit for any of those colour type days, just fished around for something we already had or got the face paints out!

Things like the mothers/Father’s Day gift swopping is probably down to the PTA, not the school, and the school understandably lets them do it because then they don’t have to organise or put time and money into it themselves.

It’s the PTA and external charity days that need to be reined in, not the things that school does for the benefit of children, like trips.

Completely ridiculous and there’s only so much keeping track you can do.

Also, no one wants their child to stand out.

I never complain but I would be complaining. And voting with my feet on some of those days and have ‘ill’ children.

And where do you think the PTA get the money from? From fundraising events such as non uniform days!

That’s not the OPs concern.

They can charge £1 to wear non school uniform. They don’t have to insist everyone wears yellow.

I have recommended this on other threads. Google 'The Cost of the school day calendar 2022-2023' its produced by a child poverty charity and its to help schools understand the cost of school and give them some alternative free ideas for all these 'days'

You could forward it to the head and chair of governors and say with the cost of living crisis this will be useful for them.

Unfortunatley trips ard expensive because coaches are expensive. But my school ensure parents get 2-3 pay slips to cover a trip cost because not everyone has £20 with 3 days notice.

PTAs will fundraise because budgets are so tight but they need to look how and ensure a bit of inclusion /no pressure for less wealthy families.

God they're a pain in the arse. Don't pay , and send them in in whatever they want to wear, nobody should challenge them
I'd pay for trips but that's it

It is difficult. I complained to our school about a trip last year (trip itself was great, but we got about 2 weeks notice of needing a £15 contribution, a packed lunch, wellies and a backpack- in the summer for kids who are in infants so all get free school meals, may not have fitting wellies, school says use a book bag so may not all have a backpack). The worst was being told mid day Wednesday to dress the kids as a number on Friday.
Hopefully things will improve this year. I will keep complaining to the head if I have to.