AIBU to want a year of being self-indulgent and having a bit of an adventure after a controlling relationship?

[Moonah]

I'm 55, and am about to come out of a 30-year relationship. No children. My H is controlling/abusive and difficult, and he doesn't know I'm planning to leave. I've been really struggling to find a rental property to live in while the divorce and finances are dealt with (at which point I will buy somewhere for myself: there's enough equity in the marital home for me to buy something small) and someone on another thread suggested long-term AirBnB.

Well, I found a lovely AirBnB house, beautifully furnished and decorated, and fully kitted out with everything I'd need. No broadband to set up, no bills to pay. I can walk out of my marriage with just my clothes and laptop, and I wouldn't need to engage in any pointless and frustrating wrangling over furniture with my H. I've booked it for 2 months, thinking that would give me some extra time to look for a standard rental.

But ever since I booked it, there's this little voice in my head, which is getting louder and more insistent(!), asking me why I don't just forget the idea of a standard rental and live in AirBnBs for a year or so? And now this little plan is forming of moving around every couple of months. I work for myself, so I only need my laptop to work – I could live in and explore different areas of the UK. Wake up next to the ocean, and spend my weekends taking beach walks (without my H fretting about sand getting in his shoes), going for long breakfasts in cafes and read the papers (without my H complaining that we really need to get back as he's got jobs to be doing on the house), spending an entire day reading (without H slamming doors because he doesn't like me relaxing), exploring hiking trails, open water swimming, going on local tours, meeting up with local hiking groups, visiting museums and art galleries, trying new restaurants. But mainly, it's an opportunity to get away from my own area that I've lived in for 30 years, to lick my wounds, to have some lovely experiences away from my home town, and to just focus on pleasing myself for once.

I've costed it up, and on average the various AirBnBs I've looked at would cost me around £300-£700 a month more than a 'standard' rental in my area with bills. Plus fuel costs from driving around the country. So I'm looking at it costing me say around £10,000 extra over the year. Money I could probably do with saving for eventually buying a house. But I don't want to save it. I want to fuck it and spend it, and accept that I'll just have to buy somewhere tiny when my year is over. I'll never again be in this position where I have so few commitments: no property to be responsible for, very few possessions, no relationship.

I know it's totally self-indulgent, I know it's a year where it's all about me me me, no bills to worry about setting up, no house or garden maintenance to do. I know it's not very sensible. But I've been sensible for 30 years, and more and more I'm thinking, Why not?

I have two friends IRL I confide in. One thinks it's a totally awesome idea; the other thinks it's too risky and I should save the money: also, I'm 55 years old and the time for adventure was 35 years ago.

AIBU? Should I save the money towards a house and forget the idea? Or should I go for it?

Experiences such as your relationship make one weigh up what is important, and quality of life is so so important. Go for it. You can always change your mind in 6 months.

Go for it and enjoy your freedom

Yes go for it! Sounds like a good idea and just what you need. You can change your mind if it doesn't work out for you at any time. Good luck!🙂

Do it! You don’t have to commit to a whole year - do it for as long as you like!

Go live your life , you may decide after ? 3 ? 6 months you'd like to set down some roots

You can do whatever you want !

Good luck OP

Do it. Life is too short not to have an adventure.

Friends of friends are travelling across Europe house and pet sitting at the moment. Cheaper than an AirBnB!

I would leave making any decisions until you have left. It sounds like you have the first two months sorted, so let the dust settle a bit, then make a decision when you've had chance to see how you feel on your own. My big concern with the moving around is that it would leave you isolated, but it could be amazing.

God, do it. Do it do it do it.

Who knows, you might find a living situation that really works for you that's actually cheaper than what you would automatically opt for now, and you end up saving yourself some money in the long run. This gives you a chance to 'try before you busy' with a single lifestyle. Sounds like you deserve some time to figure out what you want your future to look like, and that's never wasted time or money.

Oh god yes, do it! The time for adventure is now! I would also be very much encouraging you to spend one of those stays abroad, but then I'm useless at talking people out of things.

And if you feel wobbly, remember you can always change your mind!

(Also screen shot my post , because I bet you a fiver you don't end up living back in your home town at the end of the year)

Just do it! - enjoy!

I took some risks in my life and have never regretted them.

Go for it! If you find somewhere you want to stay longer/forever you can, you're not committed to a year on the move if you find it doesn't suit you.

Maybe ask one of your friends to be your "care of" postal address, it would be a shame for divorce paperwork to be posted to the wrong Airbnb.

Only you can tell if you have the spare £10,000 or not, but if you do, why not?

Or intersperse with house sitting/ pet sitting gigs.

Good luck OP, hope the leaving goes well.

Do it! What's the point of having 10k if you'll always regret not having the adventure?

Absolutely do it. Do it, do it.

Im incredibly jealous.

I know a couple who decided to do this after a major health upheaval. They are having a great time. She works remotely, he's retired.

If I were you I'd buy a camper van. They hold their money and you can sell it on in a year for what you paid or near enough

Sounds like a fantastic idea to me. It could help you to choose where you'll eventually settle too. Go for it
You could document it too if you wanted to 'one woman's survival guide to recovery' kinda thing.
Have some adventures

Look into house sitting or pet sitting

Sounds brilliant go for it

I know it's totally self-indulgent, I know it's a year where it's all about me me me, no bills to worry about setting up, no house or garden maintenance to do

Not seeing any downsides here, TBH. I get it. It's big and it's scary and some people will think you are nuts - but if it works out financially and workwise, what's the problem?

Do it!!!

Yes, absolutely 100% do it!

You sound like a woman about to stand on top of the world, I’d love to read a novel about your wonderful year of freedom and self-actualisation.

Please go for it x

Maybe leave that idea till warmer weather next year though.

I think it's 30 years of being with my H, who, although he agreed with me when we met that he loved the idea of adventures and travel, actually just wanted to stay home and watch TV and pay down the mortgage. So even though this idea is just a year around the UK, it really does feel huge and scary like you say, because any adventurous spirit I used to have has been well and truly stamped out by 'must be sensible'.