AIBU to want a year of being self-indulgent and having a bit of an adventure after a controlling relationship?

[Moonah]

I'm 55, and am about to come out of a 30-year relationship. No children. My H is controlling/abusive and difficult, and he doesn't know I'm planning to leave. I've been really struggling to find a rental property to live in while the divorce and finances are dealt with (at which point I will buy somewhere for myself: there's enough equity in the marital home for me to buy something small) and someone on another thread suggested long-term AirBnB.

Well, I found a lovely AirBnB house, beautifully furnished and decorated, and fully kitted out with everything I'd need. No broadband to set up, no bills to pay. I can walk out of my marriage with just my clothes and laptop, and I wouldn't need to engage in any pointless and frustrating wrangling over furniture with my H. I've booked it for 2 months, thinking that would give me some extra time to look for a standard rental.

But ever since I booked it, there's this little voice in my head, which is getting louder and more insistent(!), asking me why I don't just forget the idea of a standard rental and live in AirBnBs for a year or so? And now this little plan is forming of moving around every couple of months. I work for myself, so I only need my laptop to work – I could live in and explore different areas of the UK. Wake up next to the ocean, and spend my weekends taking beach walks (without my H fretting about sand getting in his shoes), going for long breakfasts in cafes and read the papers (without my H complaining that we really need to get back as he's got jobs to be doing on the house), spending an entire day reading (without H slamming doors because he doesn't like me relaxing), exploring hiking trails, open water swimming, going on local tours, meeting up with local hiking groups, visiting museums and art galleries, trying new restaurants. But mainly, it's an opportunity to get away from my own area that I've lived in for 30 years, to lick my wounds, to have some lovely experiences away from my home town, and to just focus on pleasing myself for once.

I've costed it up, and on average the various AirBnBs I've looked at would cost me around £300-£700 a month more than a 'standard' rental in my area with bills. Plus fuel costs from driving around the country. So I'm looking at it costing me say around £10,000 extra over the year. Money I could probably do with saving for eventually buying a house. But I don't want to save it. I want to fuck it and spend it, and accept that I'll just have to buy somewhere tiny when my year is over. I'll never again be in this position where I have so few commitments: no property to be responsible for, very few possessions, no relationship.

I know it's totally self-indulgent, I know it's a year where it's all about me me me, no bills to worry about setting up, no house or garden maintenance to do. I know it's not very sensible. But I've been sensible for 30 years, and more and more I'm thinking, Why not?

I have two friends IRL I confide in. One thinks it's a totally awesome idea; the other thinks it's too risky and I should save the money: also, I'm 55 years old and the time for adventure was 35 years ago.

AIBU? Should I save the money towards a house and forget the idea? Or should I go for it?

The time for adventure is while you’re alive, not just when you’re young.

I think there are two things to consider

• Moving is supposed to be one of the most stressful things you do in life. Your situation isn’t “normal” so it may not apply. But having a back up plan (which will probably be as simple as getting a normal rental and not thinking of that as failure) for if you end up finding it less thrilling in 6 month time.
• Money. If you can afford it, it’s fine. If this is going to stretch your finances and you’re going to be paying for it for decades to come even once the divorce is finalised, maybe reconsider. Adventure is good, poverty sucks.

If you do it, I would consider getting somewhere you can use as a “home base” in some way for storage. Probably a storage unit that’s near a good friend’s/relative’s home (long term storage at a friend/relative’s home might be an option, but it’s not always that happily provided).

Sounds lovely! I'd do it.

But as a pp said, you could also consider house/pet sitting some of the time. I promise this is not an advertisement, but I usually find people to look after my cat through the website Trusted Housesitters. You have to pay to join, but I think you can look around the website before signing up.

I've not been on holidays longer than 3 weeks, but some of my catsitters have been on sits lasting 1/2/3 months. Obviously you'd have less freedom because you'd be responsible for looking after someone's pet, but perhaps it's worth looking into, even if just for some of the time to save some money on Airbnbs?

Definitely 100% do it

You can do seaside/rural/interesting towns - join clubs wherever you go, seek out where you might want to live next

It sounds bloody glorious!

I think you should go for it - when else will you get another chance?!

Wishing you a fabulous year

I'm planning to retire in a few years and am planning something similar in the States to visit all the places I've wanted to go over the years before settling down. Have a wonderful time!

It’s also a very sensible plan; you get time to listen in to yourself again after decades of your husband dominating the airwaves, you get to do the things that you enjoy, very important for filling the tank when you’ve been running on empty for so long, and, you get to try out lots of different places to live before you decide where to buy your bijou residence. . It’s a great idea. Do it!

You are never too old to be happy x

It definitely sounds like the time for adventure is now! Does it have to be Airbnb? There might be cheaper places like caravan parks where you could save yourself a bit of money. But you should definitely absolutely go and have fun.

Sound great.

Just consider.... soon to be Ex-H says if you are leaving then there is no point me staying in the house. I was only putting everything into it for you. I'm off.

Who looks after the house, picks up the bills and manages the sale?

Also second point.....whilst soon to be Ex is all the bad things you say....don't forget the fact he's tight with money and never wants to go anywhere is also why you have the capital to do this now and still purchase a home after.

That being said.....of course you are not too old for adventures and of course you should do them while not tied down.

Have fun.

What a useless post.

Well done OP, you're going to finally be free to spread your wings!

This got me in the heart! It sounds wonderful and would likely be very healing for you.

I think I’ll do this too when my kids have left the nest!

Turning this around a little bit, DH and I have rented in between buying on a couple of occasions - just to get the property flowing. We've said, on those occasions, that the six months rent is just part of the whole moving thing and, if it makes life easier, it's worth it.

Similarly here. The £10K is part of the whole moving thing. As others have said, there's the possibility of house sitting, you've already said you work for yourself so, if the worst comes to the worst, there's always the possibility of getting part time work to tide you over (and meet the locals). You could go abroad for a few months if the fancy takes you.

Do it. You may find a perfect place to start your new life or it may make you realise what your home town has to offer. And, if you don't like the area, you know you can just pack up and move on within a few weeks. Who knows what the future will be like for you? If nothing else you'll have some lovely memories to look back on.

A friend of ours took the plunge when her marriage ended and moved to the other end of the country. She stayed in a static caravan, in a place she knew from holidays. Then rented over winter as she just felt so at home out of season and has now bought a house. She made some lovely friends in her new village and is having the best life.

DOOOOOOOO ITTT!!!

This is 100% my plan for when my children are off my hands except I'll be travelling the world as well.

You'll have a wonderful time and it'll be truly life-changing, in a good way :)

Thanks PP incidentally for the useful links, I'm sticking those in my 'travel the world' folder for later!

This is such a great idea, I wish I’d thought of it.

I think it’s an awesome idea, absolutely brilliant. Go and enjoy that year, heal from your marriage and take some time to think about where you’d like to eventually settle to buy

The thing is you can try it and see how you feel. You may love it, you may feel after a few months that you’ve had enough or you may decide to settle somewhere.

As you have no commitments you can decide on the fly.

This is amazing! I love this idea and think you should go for it and relish every moment. Time is precious... get out there and enjoy your life! Let us all know how you get on. I'm very jealous!

OMG that sounds great. Go for it. You have given me ideas about what I will do when I retire before relocating. Please keep us posted.

Absolutely DO IT.

Think of it as mental reset. Don't lock yourself into anything. Plan for a year but if you get bored after 6 months allow your self some movement.

And your friend is wrong - there is no upper age limit on adventure.

Good luck OP