AIBU to want a year of being self-indulgent and having a bit of an adventure after a controlling relationship?

[Moonah]

I'm 55, and am about to come out of a 30-year relationship. No children. My H is controlling/abusive and difficult, and he doesn't know I'm planning to leave. I've been really struggling to find a rental property to live in while the divorce and finances are dealt with (at which point I will buy somewhere for myself: there's enough equity in the marital home for me to buy something small) and someone on another thread suggested long-term AirBnB.

Well, I found a lovely AirBnB house, beautifully furnished and decorated, and fully kitted out with everything I'd need. No broadband to set up, no bills to pay. I can walk out of my marriage with just my clothes and laptop, and I wouldn't need to engage in any pointless and frustrating wrangling over furniture with my H. I've booked it for 2 months, thinking that would give me some extra time to look for a standard rental.

But ever since I booked it, there's this little voice in my head, which is getting louder and more insistent(!), asking me why I don't just forget the idea of a standard rental and live in AirBnBs for a year or so? And now this little plan is forming of moving around every couple of months. I work for myself, so I only need my laptop to work – I could live in and explore different areas of the UK. Wake up next to the ocean, and spend my weekends taking beach walks (without my H fretting about sand getting in his shoes), going for long breakfasts in cafes and read the papers (without my H complaining that we really need to get back as he's got jobs to be doing on the house), spending an entire day reading (without H slamming doors because he doesn't like me relaxing), exploring hiking trails, open water swimming, going on local tours, meeting up with local hiking groups, visiting museums and art galleries, trying new restaurants. But mainly, it's an opportunity to get away from my own area that I've lived in for 30 years, to lick my wounds, to have some lovely experiences away from my home town, and to just focus on pleasing myself for once.

I've costed it up, and on average the various AirBnBs I've looked at would cost me around £300-£700 a month more than a 'standard' rental in my area with bills. Plus fuel costs from driving around the country. So I'm looking at it costing me say around £10,000 extra over the year. Money I could probably do with saving for eventually buying a house. But I don't want to save it. I want to fuck it and spend it, and accept that I'll just have to buy somewhere tiny when my year is over. I'll never again be in this position where I have so few commitments: no property to be responsible for, very few possessions, no relationship.

I know it's totally self-indulgent, I know it's a year where it's all about me me me, no bills to worry about setting up, no house or garden maintenance to do. I know it's not very sensible. But I've been sensible for 30 years, and more and more I'm thinking, Why not?

I have two friends IRL I confide in. One thinks it's a totally awesome idea; the other thinks it's too risky and I should save the money: also, I'm 55 years old and the time for adventure was 35 years ago.

AIBU? Should I save the money towards a house and forget the idea? Or should I go for it?

Thanks everyone: I really do appreciate all the encouragement. I'm so nervous about it, but at the same time I'm nervous about leaving my marriage and starting all over again anyway, so either route is frightening.

I think it's an amazing plan so long as you will still have enough money to get a permanent base when ready.

Sounds amazing, go for it! The time for adventure wasn’t 35 years ago, it’s now.

This sounds great. If you want to save some money after a while you could also look at house / pet sitting agencies especially as you can work from anywhere.

You never know. You may fall in love with somewhere completely unexpected and it be the start of a brand new chapter.

Good luck x

What a wonderful idea! Sounds like you deserve it.

Go for it and enjoy your year x

Of course you’re nervous….. who wouldn’t be. Maybe have a look at the pet sitting sites also as a way to keep the costs down. I know there was a shortage of sitters over the summer because so many people bought dogs in lockdown. You don’t get paid but get to stay for free in homes with varying degrees of pet / house responsibility.

This is a great idea. I would also consider reducing the amount of stuff you travel with by putting it in storage. This means you can take other things you might not want just now but might need in the future. I'd also be looking into doing housesitting here and abroad too.

Why not do both? House hunt whilst in AirBnB or hotels?

I think this sounds absolutely lovely!! Hope you have a fantastic time enjoying your freedom again 😊

I agree with a previous poster. Nail down a postal address first then go for it.

It sounds lovely bvut I wouldn't throw an extra 10k at it. That shouldn't be necessary. Why not look at house sitting for a year - hop around the country looking after fancy homes, living for free, saving a fortune. Or just find a gorgeous seaside place to rent for a year in a new area where you can do all that you describe. There's no rule that says you have to continue to live in the area you know.

Sounds great👌I came out of 30 year marriage some time ago and scary as it may seem it is bliss to do exactly what you want to do!!!! I had adult/teenage children to house so had to be a bit more sensible but it was still great to chose a house/furnishings ect with only myself to please/make decisions. Enjoy 💐

Don't confine yourself to the UK. There is a whole world out there and organisations like this: www.outsite.co/
let you rent and work all over the world. You can stay in a community all set up for working (Internet, etc, co-working spaces, etc) with lots of other people all working and travelling. You are a digital nomad! and it is lots of fun!

If I had 10k to spend on adventures, I'd pick better adventures...

You have the freedom to do so, so go for it! Also sounds like it would make it harder for controlling STBXH to interfere with your life, which is a bonus.

Go for it, you deserve a year of lovely experiences 😁

Sounds like a great idea. As for your years of adventure being behind you, rubbish. As the saying goes, the best time to plant a tree is ten years ago. And the second best time is now.
best of luck.

Go for it. House prices are probably going to drop, so you may end up paying £10k less for your new house at the end of the year compared to if you bought it now.

If you can work anywhere, you might find a new area where you would like to live.

I am a similar age to you and widowed a few years ago, so have been adjusting to living alone. Be aware that you may have times you feel a bit lonely, so I would suggest finding an organisation with branches around the country who welcome visiting members. WALX is a good national network for Nordic pole walking and there are groups like the WI etc.

DO IT! Please do it for all the rest of us who aren't brave enough (yet) 😥

Do it! It sounds lovely.

Enjoy your time and the adventures.

I’m coming out of a 30 year marriage too and yes it’s scary and anxiety provoking. I have young children or I’d do exactly what you’re planning - giving yourself a couple of months in one place to catch your breath is a good idea then you can decide where you want to be next, and you can easily move if it doesn’t suit you.

Sounds wonderful.

It sounds wonderful! I think you'd regret not doing it more than you'd ever regret doing it!

I'm definitely up for hearing other ideas if you have any. Some of the other suggestions are great - like house sitting and so on.

get a PO Box and then go for it!! Sounds brilliant, I’m so jealous and if I didn’t have the kids and have the money, I would totally go for it!! Either that, and maybe a campervan in summer?