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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Father gifting expired food for grandchildren regularly

63 replies

Bluetree89 · 12/10/2022 04:28

My husband and I have 4 young children. We are both employed in full time permanent jobs and are by no means rich but certainly not struggling. My father the kids grandfather has been bringing over food past it’s use by for the last few years for the kids on a regular basis. Some examples are soggy store cut watermelon showing a use by date of 7 days prior, yogurt a month past use by etc etc. My father is very well off so it’s not like he is trying to treat them to what little he has. I have told my dad for the last few years please stop giving us the expired food as we don’t need it and I don’t want or need to feed my kids expired dairy and fresh produce (I do understand some food is still good past best before however the food he is gifting is mainly fresh produce and dairy based). Every time he laughs and tells me to stop being ridiculous and that it’s fine for them to eat. My husband and I can’t understand if it’s fine to eat why doesn’t my dad eat it. We then throw it out taking up room in our bin (which is prime real estate with 4 kids). My dad then proceeds to either message or ring me asking how the kids enjoyed the food he left for them. When I tell him I threw the expired food out he again tells me that’s ridiculous and the foods fine. It makes me feel extremely disrespected and insulted by my father and I can’t understand his motivations for continuing to do this. It really pisses me off.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 12/10/2022 04:29

Tell him to eat some in front of you if it’s fine.

I would just keep binning it

Bluetree89 · 12/10/2022 04:45

Thanks, that’s a great idea! It will be interesting to to see his reaction.

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 12/10/2022 05:03

Every time he tries to hand it over just say something along the lines of “Stop giving us your rubbish. If you think it’s so good, you eat it.” Don’t be polite or coy about it, that clearly isn’t working. Say straight up that he’s being rude and you’re sick of it.

Summerfun54321 · 12/10/2022 05:03

Just pop it in a bag and give back to him as he’s leaving saying thanks but we can’t accept this.

Summerfun54321 · 12/10/2022 05:09

My MIL will pull something out of the fridge and say “don’t eat this, it’s a bit old and gave me and FIL a funny tummy” then she will put it back in the fridge as if she’s going to eat it another time. Absolutely bonkers. She also brings round cooked meat that’s days old saying “this will be fine for the adults but not for the kids” 🤮 Me and DH have to ask the age of all food she provides. I tried saying “we’ll do lunch” but she hasn’t got the message.

W0tnow · 12/10/2022 06:33

What was he like with food when you were kids?

Lemons1571 · 12/10/2022 06:51

My dad does this (usually pastries or cake that he bought on offer 3 days ago with 1 day to go). I remember my grandad having out of date food in his fridge. I think in their case it’s a cognitive decline thing mixed with living through the war., as they were/are all 70+.

I find it weird too but just chuck what I don’t want in the house. Luckily it’s not too much food that it’s overwhelming the bin.

How old is your dad?

PurplePinecone · 12/10/2022 06:55

Sounds like he buys all the discounted stuff from supermarkets, let's it sits in his fridge for a week then gives you the stuff that is filling his fridge when he buys more crap. So sounds like he has an addiction to buying more discount food than he needs and palms off the bits he doesn't eat to you! I think you should start refusing it. It's very wasteful of him.

PurplePinecone · 12/10/2022 06:58

Actually doesn't sound like it's the discount stuff... Just food he hasn't eaten before he goes shopping again! So things he won't eat himself! Again wasteful. Definitely refuse and send it back with him

Hotfootit · 12/10/2022 07:03

Would he get the message if you put it in the bin whilst he was there?

treesandweeds · 12/10/2022 07:07

Just don't accept it!!!

IglesiasPiggl · 12/10/2022 07:09

Oh that's so irritating - he is trying to assuage his guilt at having waste food by palming it off on you. I think you have to say firmly, "We can't eat food that's going off" and put it in the bin there and then.

Michellebops · 12/10/2022 07:20

I'd tell him someone was unwell and to just stop it.

My mil has a habit of buying items in farmfoods or food warehouse, which should be cooked from frozen, puts them in her fridge then decides she doesn't want it any more and sends down to us we have no idea where. She bought and put in the fridge, could be days and is usually chicken or a steak pie dish (or fish) I just can't trust it 🤢

Such a bloody waste of money

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/10/2022 07:38

I think MichelleBops has it. ‘I ate x and was really unwell. We won’t be accepting out of date food anymore.’ As for yoghurts, tbh op, you can smell gone off dairy. My dd refused to eat anything out of date but dh and I do. We use our noses.

tempester28 · 12/10/2022 07:41

Tell him to take it back home and fill up his own bin!

Snowpatrolling · 12/10/2022 07:47

My nan does this, she’s from the generation where they don’t waste food, rations etc.
she doesn’t mean to and thinks she’s trying to help. I just thank her an bin it when I get home.

Thurst · 12/10/2022 07:51

‘No thank you it will just go in the bin’ and repeat.

Bluetree89 · 12/10/2022 08:59

My mum bought, prepared all the food and did all the cleaning out of fridge and cupboards when I was a kid he wasn’t one bit interested in that side of things. They have been divorced for 10 years now but the gifting of the expired food started around 2019.

OP posts:
VainAbigail · 12/10/2022 09:03

OT but is ‘gifting’ an actual word?

ChilliBandit · 12/10/2022 09:05

VainAbigail · 12/10/2022 09:03

OT but is ‘gifting’ an actual word?

Cambridge dictionary says it can be a verb so yes, but it doesn’t really matter does it, as we all know what OP means.

VickyEadieofThigh · 12/10/2022 09:06

Hotfootit · 12/10/2022 07:03

Would he get the message if you put it in the bin whilst he was there?

This gets my vote.

Mangogogogo · 12/10/2022 09:09

My partners nana does this but we just laugh it off now. The kids think it’s funny too! My mum soemtimes does it when she sends the kids home. They rock up with a bag of leftover random out of date crap so they go in our bin instead of hers! I don’t say anything though because I feel bad :(

charmingthebirds · 12/10/2022 09:34

Hand it straight back to him and say 'sorry, we don't have room in our bin for this'?

Clovacloud · 12/10/2022 09:56

My MIL would do this and it was linked to cognitive decline, she eventually had dementia. DD was under strict instructions not to eat anything Grandma gave her, to say thankyou, take it to her room and give it to me later for checking and usually throwing out.

Eventually it would extend to things like Sunday lunches she made. She once tried to cook 10 year old freezer meat. Thankfully BIL, who still lived at home spotted the packaging and nipped to the supermarket for a replacement. it wasn’t a war thing she was born in 1950, it was a dementia thing.

After that we’d take her to the pub for a Sunday lunch as a ‘treat’, to avoid food poisoning.

Make sure your kids are aware that the food he is giving out isn’t the best. That way he can’t sneak anything off to them.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 12/10/2022 10:01

Does he leave his keys on view these visits? Sneak out and dump the stuff in his boot..