Father gifting expired food for grandchildren regularly

[Bluetree89]

My husband and I have 4 young children. We are both employed in full time permanent jobs and are by no means rich but certainly not struggling. My father the kids grandfather has been bringing over food past it’s use by for the last few years for the kids on a regular basis. Some examples are soggy store cut watermelon showing a use by date of 7 days prior, yogurt a month past use by etc etc. My father is very well off so it’s not like he is trying to treat them to what little he has. I have told my dad for the last few years please stop giving us the expired food as we don’t need it and I don’t want or need to feed my kids expired dairy and fresh produce (I do understand some food is still good past best before however the food he is gifting is mainly fresh produce and dairy based). Every time he laughs and tells me to stop being ridiculous and that it’s fine for them to eat. My husband and I can’t understand if it’s fine to eat why doesn’t my dad eat it. We then throw it out taking up room in our bin (which is prime real estate with 4 kids). My dad then proceeds to either message or ring me asking how the kids enjoyed the food he left for them. When I tell him I threw the expired food out he again tells me that’s ridiculous and the foods fine. It makes me feel extremely disrespected and insulted by my father and I can’t understand his motivations for continuing to do this. It really pisses me off.

I’d be tempted to just say yeh thanks and throw it out later. It’s weird but not worth fighting over

My parents do this, or did, for YEARS!
We accepted gracefully, then quietly checked dates when we get home/they leave, and bin when required.
DS noticed, DS realised what was happening, DS started commenting on the expiry dates when they brought stuff over, 'Ooh this one's in date mum!😮' as he passes things to me.

They've mostly stopped now they've been shown up by their grandson! 😂

I’m surprised it seems to be more common than I thought for parents to give adult kids their expired food. I guess some of the stuff does give us a bit of a laugh at how not fit for consumption it is.

We have just bought one 😃 Not a hoarder however in 2019 at the whole start of covid he started stockpiling food/toilet paper etc and was very frustrated when my husband and I wouldn’t do the same. We just bought what we needed as we always have. He lives alone and cupboards and fridge are packed to the brim and the spare room cupboards filled with non perishables. He rang me a couple of days ago and told me to be careful the supermarket shelves are looking a bit empty and to go get anything I need as he feels shortages may start again. I didn’t of course.

It sounds as if he's extremely anxious and has let the walls close in on him somewhat.

Has he had a thorough medical checkup in the last few years?
A doctor who knows him might be able to detect any preoccupation with food shortages and general anxiety that's expressing itself as fears about supplies.

Does he have friends? A social life? Or is he on his own most of the time, spending his days listening to the news and getting caught in anxiety spirals?

He goes to the dr for just the usual sore throats etc but hasn’t been for a thorough health check up for years. I will try to encourage him to book one in.

He does have a few friends but most times
he is asked out with them he finds or makes up an excuse and cancels. So yes he spends a lot of time on his own and spends a lot of time listening to the news.

I have a relative who I realized after a while can't read the best before/use by dates as the writing is too small. They also assume that all foods of a certain type last the same time eg all shop bought cakes will last the same, so doesn't think to check the dates or consider that some might last longer or shorter. But it sounds like many of the people mentioned on this thread have bigger problems than just eyesight.

If you can get him to go for a thorough checkup, maybe it would be possible to book two time slots, for him so he and the doctor could spend time chatting.

If you're able to get in touch with the doctor, you might be able to mention concerns that he is anxious to the point of hoarding non-perishable food, avoiding social connections, and pushing food on your family. A lot depends on whether you know his doctor. and how well the doctor knows him of course.

If your dad is found to be still compos mentis, it's time to start him thinking about medical and financial POA.

Would you be able to go with him to a doctor appointment?

Thank you for your help I have booked him in for a double appointment with Doctor for next week, he doesn’t want anyone to go with him, but it’s a start.

This exact thing!

This bit sounds like he might have come across 'prepper' websites? Covid and lockdowns did some weird things to how people coped.

People who grew up with very little food don't like to throw it away. They will bin it when it has evolved into a life form that has legs and can walk out of the fridge on it's own. Your father just doesn't want to throw the food away. Just take it from him gracefully and throw it away later.

Say you don't have space in the bin for it, so please can he take it away.