To not speak to husband until he gets back

[Tophy124]

Husband is on a work trip in a different country. We share a DS who has been accident prone whilst his Dad is away. I’ve called Dad to let him know how he is, as he is a toddler and not yet talking.

Today he fell on to tile flooring from 2 feet up (in a standing position) and whacked his head very hard. I saw it happen but couldn’t get to him in time and am really worried about him.

Called his Dad who said why are you calling me? Be an adult and learn to make a decision on your own. I was calling as I struggled to decide if it warranted A&E or not, as no obvious concussion signs but he’s still young. I will be up every 2hrs checking him now and taking him in if anything progresses.

He has a lump on the back of his head but thankfully seems ok otherwise but it was really scary and so I was crying. I got told ‘oh it’s always woe is me isn’t it’ and told that running errands with a toddler in tow and running the whole house with no support (we live away from all friends and family) is no big deal. My toddler is hard work at the moment especially with the disruption of his Dad being gone.

Aibu to not speak to his Dad for the next 2 weeks until he is back off the work trip? I can reply if messaged but only about DS. I’m sat here wondering why I wasted my good years with this empathy lacking moron.

I feel like I started to hate him tonight.I hope I’m making the right choice in keeping him home and not going to A&E. Making all the parenting choices when I’m married seems unfair and ridiculous.

Who cares? Of course press picks up things from Mumsnet. So what? Everyone who posts on here does so with that caveat emptor. I don't understand why it's a big deal and worthy of mention.

Tell them that therapists just have opinions like the rest of us and they can use their own initiative

This!

If my partner did not want to be informed and give support in this kind of situation, honestly that's not the tyoe of marriage I would want to be a part of. And both DH and I work away relatively regularly, so this kind of stuff has come up regularly.

Also, he undermines and belittles you and you wonder why you have no confidence to take your own decisions? Wonder why ...

That's an appalling response from him both a father and husband. You don't need to be patronised and your son deserves a dad who is concerned about him.

I wouldn't sulk but I would make it clear there is a huge issue ahead.

Well, to an extent he was right. He was away, so couldn't assess the injury, so it WAS entirely your decision re what to do. As adults, we all have to stand on our own feet and not rely on other people. I think I might have waited to tell him until everything was all sorted, one way or the other, then he'd be less likely to worry.

He could perhaps have expressed it more sensitively, but that us a separate issue.

Jesus Christ.

The OPs kid hit his head. That’s it.

Toddlers hit their heads all the time!

If he gets questions like this constantly, I don’t blame him to be honest.

I would eventually do the same if my DH did this to me re our kids and I’m a woman.

I have questions about why if OP does everything, her DS is so unsettled about the DH being away. And more importantly, why she can’t handle one child in the absence of any other responsibilities.

As a woman in the OPs husbands position who reacted similar to inane badgering about nonemergency things while away for work, I’m a bit perturbed at the comments saying that this is a “man” thing, that the reaction isn’t normal decent or empathetic, that it hints to having affairs while away for work, that it makes me a vile human being, and that I should be an unending well of emotional support.

I mean really? I’m sitting in a FOB that gets mortared regularly seeing colleagues getting killed and I’m supposed to go “there, there, oh it’s so toughy woughy for you left all alone with a baby while I’ve “swanned” off to Afghanistan and of course we can have a long discussion about what colour of poo is normal in an 18mo for as long as you want darling.”

Or in this case about a toddler who fell over his own feet and got a bump on the head.

I mean really?! You’re actively demanding to be infantilised.

How can he have any input into deciding what to do re an injury when he wasn’t even there.

Only OP saw it, and if she was erring on the side of caution, she’d have taken him anyway.

I think this whole thing is just an absolute storm in a tea cup.

Called my husband once (didn’t expect him
to fly home from work either but thought he should know) - it was when we were trying to rule out leukaemia for one of mine.

He did (obviously) fly home.

I'm in between on this. As a divorced parent I made a lot of decisions on my own as I had to. One time I did call my XH and he advised me not to go to A&E but I did anyway - it was lucky I exercised my own judgement as DS had broken his arm.

It really depends how often you call and whether you are bugging him or it feels like a guilt trip to him. But otherwise being a supportive partner is clearly a nice thing to be if you're not overdoing it.

But ignoring him seems a bit like sulking and counter productive. You want him to be more supportive so you're going to not speak to him? Ugh I'm glad I'm single - I can't bear such games.

I think it’s clear you are struggling to Cope alone and you need childcare help. You may need childcare or he needs to assess if he can go away if you can’t be left alone with the child.

the whole I won’t speak to him for two weeks is incredibly immature but he shouldn’t be annoyed about the fact you can’t cope, can’t make decisions, phone him crying,it’s something you both need to deal with.

OP, call HomeStart.

They can help you.

Just Google them and tell them you need some support. It’s free to you btw.

@Quincythequince She’s not in the UK. There may be a local equivalent.

@CoveredInCobwebs Do you also live away from any family and any good friends? No? Ok not the same then. My husband has always worked away and when I had my family more local just to even speak to it wasn’t as difficult. Again you do seem like you do want a medal as you constantly dismiss anything anyone else says and seem to think just because you do fine that other people should. I cope with him being gone 99% of the time but when shit hits the fan, frankly I SHOULD be able to reach out to him.

Fair enough.
Maybe there is some kind of mother’s help where OP is.

@Discovereads Your husband calling you about the colour of poo is not the same as my son sustaining possibly serious injuries. Not even close. So don’t be ridiculous. I run the house and do everything on my own but sometimes it IS an emergency or a potential one. You also assume that he does the same job as you. Yes he works hard but he also works half days and then goes back to the hotel to chill. He was doing that when I called.

Some of you on here are awful honestly. Obviously if it was a clear injury then he would have gone straight to the hospital. This wasn’t clear cut and I wanted another adults opinion. We don’t have 111 here and have no family here or friends I feel comfortable calling at night.

You say you don't have 111 there, but surely you have an A&E that has the phone installed? Why couldn't you have rang them up?

What was he doing running around at night?
Where were you?

@Tophy124 Yes, I do live far away from family. My parents are both dead, in laws a long way away, no family connections at all where I live. I have good friends near me because I've made them through motherhood - no school/uni friends nearby. That's beside the point though. The point I was making was that looking after a toddler by yourself really doesn't need to be that hard. It shouldn't be making you this anxious. I think if you addressed that then you could have a much more positive experience of motherhood generally. It seems like your husband isn't helping whether he's home or away.

I don't think it's fair on your DH actually. He's away working, maybe really busy. Out of the country. There are plenty of options including 111 who would have been far better placed to give you advice than someone out of the country.

A toddler falling and hitting his head is not shit hitting fan stuff.

You have repeatedly made reference to taking care of your DS and running the whole house

Unless you have a large house with a complicated domestic structure, what is it that you actually do that is so hard.

A house with three people
in it and one of those is dedicated full time to taking care of one other.

I am genuinely interested in your day to day structure

I have a certain sympathy for your OH . He is another country engrossed in work and it's not easy for some to switch back to home mode .
I don't really get you either . Your small son has a nasty fall and badly hurts his head . You don't take chances you go to A & E . Job done.
What's with all the crying etc how exactly does that help

If my son was being taken to hospital for any reason I'd want to know straight away!!

I think I'm with your husband here - I don't understand why you weren't comfortable making the decision to go to hospital when you were the only one who witnessed it, what insight could he have had?

For sure, I'd have called him when we got to hospital or told him about it when we spoke later that day (if I decided not to go) but I don't think I would have called him right in the moment.

@hattie43 well that's funny because your post says not to chance it, there's a few on this page alone saying she's being over dramatic about her toddler hitting his head. So it's clearly not as clear cut as everyone's making out so she needed a second opinion from her bloody husband about an actual issue which she should be able to do because he's her husband? Tough shit if he's engrossed in work, just because he's working away from home doesn't mean he suddenly doesn't have a family for a while. My lovely and caring husband would accept my call to help me decide what fucking shoes to wear for goodness sake, let alone a potential issue with his child?! I can see a lot of posters are in dead and unsupportive marriages and clearly think that behaviour is normal.

Also - for those saying "only ONE toddler is easy, one toddler this one toddler that", BRAVO for all the hard work you clearly do with your multiple children, but the judgement from you guys is the reason women don't reach out when they are struggling. Being a SAHM with my first was the most mentally and emotionally draining experience of my life, now I've had my second and I'm in different circumstances I'm finding it easier. Bore the hell off, being a SAHP is hard no matter the number of bloody children.