To not put meds in DS’s drink?

[uralecru]

Reposting for traffic as id like more opinions, sorry if that's not allowed

DS is 17, we all suspect he has BPD, he's currently under camhs. In July, he had to stay in hospital for a few days as he was a danger to himself - he would've been sectioned but I was told this would've done him more harm than good. His antidepressents had started working and he seemed a bit better, he's not self harmed for months (that I know about) so I thought things were starting to get better after a horrible year.

College started and so did the anxiety but he still seemed ok.

However, yesterday one of his friends told me that he's been telling her he feels how he did before but another ‘friend’ had told him recently he complains 24/7 so he's stopped telling everyone how he feels, that he doesn't think he'll make it to 18 etc.

He's not taken his meds for a few days either, when asked why he's just told us he doesn't want to and no one can force him.

Today, I phoned his psychiatrist and told her what his friend told me and that he's not taking his meds, she wants to see him tomorrow and I've told him this, which seemed to make him angry as he was shouting at me that they're going to say he's unsafe again but he's really fine etc.

DP has said I shouldn't have phoned her as I've probably made things worse now with his anxiety and we should've just put the meds in his drink as its a liquid, but I don't know how I'd feel doing this as it would help him, but its also lying to him. DP has also said they probably won't be able to do anything as he’s made it clear no one can force him, I'm not sure what they can do but I was at a loss earlier.

WIBU to phone his psychiatrist and AIBU to not put the meds in his drink?

I have a dd who is also 17 and has been in this same situation for the past 3 years...it's hell and I really feel for you.
We absolutely struggled to get her prescribed anti depressants as she is under 18, so as I'm on citalapram I gave her my tablets to help her, eventually she was prescribed them by her doctor after a long hard struggle, she says now that taking them saved her taking her own life.
So I say absolutely put his medication in his drink, and you totally made the right call in contacting his doctor.
You're his mum. You know best.
Sending you so much love...I know what you're going through xxxx

Put it in his drink... this could save his life.

I just don't want him to not trust me

I absolutely wouldn’t put it in his drink, but I think you did the right thing calling his doctor. If his friend was concerned enough to talk to you, it’s serious. Meanwhile, when patients are in a rehab or MH facility, there is obviously a lot of focus on discussion of feelings, etc. That is normal in that context, and therapeutic. It isn’t healthy in the context of the social sphere and makes others feel like that person is very “me-oriented” because they have normalized (and have a need for) that kind of dialogue. Take him to his doctor.

@yougotthelook it absolutely wasn't ok to give your DD your meds.

But what do you do if he says I feel better already without meds?! Do you tell him you've been slipping them into his drinks?! Or he starts takingnthem again, and you've double dosed him? Then he'll never trust you again.

You did the right thing. Plus its done know. You are in a difficult situation. Dont waste energy blaming yourself xx

Giving him medication without his consent secretly in a very blurry legal area. it also risks getting rid of all trust he has in you.

you are doing right in getting back in contact with his medical team for proper support. He has some good friends too telling you the truth.

good luck to you all.

If you put them in his drink he's going to start feeling better. What happens then when he goes away for a week or moves out? He needs help and support and it needs to be done properly.

You're doing brilliantly OP.

He’s 17. I’m slightly horrified that there are people who think it’s ok to secretly slip drugs into a 17 year olds drinks. You are doing the right thing op, though it must be very hard for you all.

No, absolutely do not put his meds in his drink without him knowing. But you could ask him if he's happy for you to do it, so that you take the choice/responsibility from him.

You'll lose his trust, and also make him paranoid in the future. And if he finds out, he can report l you for doing so. It's shit, but he needs to take responsibility. And understand that if he's refusing treatment then he has to accept the consequences of that (psychiatry input).

Maybe he doesn't know how to be himself when he's feeling better. He's probably lost sight of feeling normal, and needs a bit of encouragement/support/examples of how to communicate with his friends when his mental state improves. And to be challenging all the negative thoughts.

No, definitely don't put them in his drink. It's not going to help in the long term and he'll lose any trust in you if he finds out!

I absolutely don't care what you think about it.
When your child is suicidal you do whatever you can to stop them actually committing it.
No regrets here.

I think you did the right thing by calling.

Slipping meds into his drink is very immoral. I know that sometimes people try to disguise antibiotics for young kids in yoghurt or whatever but this is different. If he ever found that he may never trust you or any food or drink that he hasn't prepared. It could have major consequences like making him paranoid and leave home.

Plus he's at the age when he might drink. I assume that psychiatric drugs might not work correctly with alcohol and he could make himself very ill if he drank when he thought his body was free of the psych drugs

He'd notice.it would taste vile. This isn't a toddler here, you can't force the meds. Sounds like you're doing a good job in tough circumstances.

Please don't put anything in his drinks it is not a gray area of law it's classed as poisoning/spiking his drink and its a serious crime.

You have done the right thing in contacting his psychiatrist though if he is suicidal and refusing medication they will likely have to section him for his own safety and can legally enforce medication compliance when under section as he won't be considered mentally competent to refuse treatment.

I know that this is scary for you but as someone who has been sectioned against my will and voluntarily I can tell you that whilst he may be angry, scared and blaming you right now (and probably for quite some time) this wont last forever, as he recovers he will come to understand that you have only ever acted in his best interest. This however will not be the case if you spike his drinks as that would be an unforgiveable betrayal of trust that your relationship will never recover from.

You can absolutely not covertly medicate someone. If it needs to be done to patient under a doctors care there are stringent rules in place including paperwork that needs to be completed by medical staff and reported to the Mental Welfare Commission. (This is in Scotland).

You absolutely cannot secretly drug him. What if he’s taking something else? Has an averse reaction to it? Drinking alcohol? You could kill him by accident. Let alone lose his trust.

Bur you did the right thing calling his doc, even if it upset him. He is still 17 therefore a minor.

And also what @Hoardasurass says above. Please listen to her.

He’s 17. I’m slightly horrified that there are people who think it’s ok to secretly slip drugs into a 17 year olds drinks. You are doing the right thing op, though it must be very hard for you all

I agree. I have an adult child with severe LD, non-verbal. Also epileptic so needs medication. I put her tablets into a pot of custard each night which she happily eats. She can neither agree nor disagree to take the tablets as she lacks the intellect to decide. Even so, as her parent, I have to have an agreement signed by her consultant that it is reasonable to give her covert medication.
I mean, it's not even covert, she sees me dropping the pills in. She's more concerned with the custard. But it's classed as covert and has to be authorised by the issuing doctor.

DP is wrong and you've done all the right things. I'm so sorry you're both going through all this.

Gosh that sounds really heartbreaking and challenging.

First, YANBU to secretly slip medication to your DS. That is horrible as consent is a cornerstone of all medical care. Unless you’re sectioned, that’s the only time they can force medication on you.

Second, YANBU to phone his psychiatrist, but he should also have a psychologist too if BPD is suspected.

Second, you all “suspect” he has BPD- has he actually been assessed by a psychologist and diagnosed? If not, you need to get that done. And being sectioned in hospital is the fastest way to assessment and diagnosis- just keep that in mind for future. Because I don’t know if hospital would make things worse for him tbh. Im presuming by BPD you mean borderline personality disorder because there is evidence that repeat hospitalisation doesn’t help those with BPD (but it doesn’t make them worse either, it often becomes a safe space until the self harm/suicide impulses pass so long as they are only kept in for days/week not long term).

Now a few things, you really need to get him assessed & diagnosed but also do some research because tons of people get diagnosed with BPD when they don’t actually have it. I was one. Instead I have ADHD, ASD and cPTSD. The overlap of these conditions made it look like I had BPD. For example, emotional dysregulation is a key symptom of BPD but also can be caused by ASD. It took four years to have the BPD diagnosis overturned. You know your child better than any psychologist can after a few hours of assessment talking.

Secondly, if it is BPD there is no medication for it. There is only medication for say if also get depression on top of BPD, then anti-depressants treat the depression. The usual treatment for BPD is DBT and this is often done by 6mos in residence in a mental health retreat type place. The NHS runs a few. I was referred to one but couldn’t go as had children. But as I say in the end, I didn’t actually have BPD after all.

Finally as he is 17 you need to urgently talk to CAMHS about what happens when he turns 18. If he’s going into adult MHT, they need to get referrals and a place for him NOW. Or you may find you get dropped and he slips through the cracks.

To not secretly slip medication….I need to wake up.