Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH being 4 hours away, when I'm due to give birth any day.

52 replies

WhyMe131 · 11/10/2022 17:22

I was due to give birth on Saturday, still nothing. OH mentioned this morning that he whats to go visit his cousins grave tmrw as it will be 2 months since his death, it's a 4 hour drive away! As you can probably imagine what's going through my head. I never said anything so he kept saying what do you think, eventually I said, I'm going to state the facts which are, I could give birth any day, especially since I'm having the sweep today. Again after the sweep at the doctors he mentioned it again saying, I was thinking of going early morning then coming back as soon as. Hes been doing my nut in throughout this whole pregnancy, arguing over the dumbest of things.

Seriously am I going fucking insane!

Is he an idiotic dickhead or am I just being unreasonable, I just dont know anymore.

OP posts:
butterflyflutterby123 · 11/10/2022 17:25

Yanbu. Im sorry for his loss, but he can visit a grave any day.

Twizbe · 11/10/2022 17:28

You're overdue. YANBU to say that the grave visit can wait.

mintich · 11/10/2022 17:31

He's being ridiculous! The grave will still be there another day.

theduckinatree · 11/10/2022 17:58

Yeah, condolences for his loss but his cousin isn't going to get any less dead. Whereas I'm pretty sure he's not going to want to find himself four hours away if you ring to say somethings happening.

Coldlife · 11/10/2022 18:02

Why is he marking the two month death of his cousin? Is that particularly meaningful or something?

purplethings · 11/10/2022 18:08

Is he planning to meet someone else at the grave ? It seems like there's more to this than going to his cousin's grave and potentially missing his child's birth. Is it 2 hours there , 2 hours back or 4 hours to get there ? 2 hours is probably ok if you go into lbour he'd have time to get back, but it's a dick thing for him to do.

TwoWeeksislong · 11/10/2022 18:09

I’d suggest perhaps he should plan a visit at the 3month anniversary of his cousin’s death instead. He won’t miss the birth. If he plans it now you can plan to have a helpful visitor that day to make a fuss of you and your newborn.

RunningFromInsanity · 11/10/2022 18:10

But you haven’t actually said no?

TwoWeeksislong · 11/10/2022 18:10

Do you think he’s working on the ´watched pot never boils’ philosophy and is hoping him going 4 hours away will cause labour to start?

Hubs456 · 11/10/2022 18:13

Condolences for his loss, it sounds like this clearly means a lot to him.
Sounds like a tricky one. If it’s your first, it’s entirely possible it will be a long time between going into labour and the baby popping out. So 4 hours might seem like a lot, but actually, he might not miss much? Bit of a gamble though?
mis he à gambling man?

ClocksGoingBackwards · 11/10/2022 18:14

You’ll find it worse him wanting to go and visit the grave for 8+ hours after the baby is born.

I wouldn’t have minded him going, but he’s an idiot for suggesting it for the day after you had your sweep. Why couldn’t have have gone last weekend if it were important enough for him to want to go before the baby’s here?

rocketfromthecrypt · 11/10/2022 18:20

purplethings · 11/10/2022 18:08

Is he planning to meet someone else at the grave ? It seems like there's more to this than going to his cousin's grave and potentially missing his child's birth. Is it 2 hours there , 2 hours back or 4 hours to get there ? 2 hours is probably ok if you go into lbour he'd have time to get back, but it's a dick thing for him to do.

Yes, nothing sexier than meeting the other woman in a cemetery. Have a word with yourself.
OP - even if you do go into labour today, which you probably won't, it's unlikely to be done and dusted in four hours.

MinnieMountain · 11/10/2022 18:24

Presumably @purplethings meant a relative.

YANBU OP.

LaurieFairyCake · 11/10/2022 18:26

As with all of this the problem is him trying to start arguments for 9 months

I'd say 'gosh youd be so sad if you missed the birth of your own kid' and nothing else

He's a twat

nugget22 · 11/10/2022 18:47

Ridiculous. And also totally selfish for him to be causing you additional stress at this point.

Twizbe · 11/10/2022 18:52

@rocketfromthecrypt my second was done and dusted in less than 3 hours.

My first was only 6 hours as well.

My friend's husband insisted on a work trip 2 hours away when she was over due. She went into labour and had a placental abruption at home alone. He arrived as they were blue lighting her to hospital (she and baby were ok)

Hubs456 · 11/10/2022 19:19

Could you go with him OP? With your notes obviously. Then if you go into labour you could go to a hospital closeby and your partner could come. And if not, you’ll be back at home in 8 hours so no harm?
also would be interesting to check how he responds in case there is an OW! (I think this is very unlikely based on what you’ve said btw)

SomeFuckingWizardry · 11/10/2022 19:49

Hubs456 · 11/10/2022 19:19

Could you go with him OP? With your notes obviously. Then if you go into labour you could go to a hospital closeby and your partner could come. And if not, you’ll be back at home in 8 hours so no harm?
also would be interesting to check how he responds in case there is an OW! (I think this is very unlikely based on what you’ve said btw)

😂 I would imagine OP is already uncomfortable as hell being several days overdue nevermind adding 2 x 4 hour car journeys into the mix!

NCAutumn · 11/10/2022 19:52

Oh dear, another man with his priorities all wrong. I didn't have 4 hours from start to finish with my first so he'd have missed the lot there!

daisychain01 · 11/10/2022 19:53

Is he off with the fairies? Speechless is an understatement.

you can commemorate a loved-one any time, anywhere. Why he's chosen now, is anyone's guess.

you don't think he's playing a cowardly game of avoidance tactics, to take himself off when you're just about to give birth?

some blokes just can't hack it, when the chips are down.

angelopal · 11/10/2022 19:54

My first labour was only about 6 hours. No one expected it to be that quick. It was intense and I needed him with me.

I think you need to tell him that he needs to stay.

Summersdreaming · 11/10/2022 19:55

My friends OH missed the birth of their first child and he was working less than 4 hours away, so, depends how arsed he is about being there!

PurpleFlower1983 · 11/10/2022 19:55

Dying relative? Fine.
Grave can wait.

AnneElliott · 11/10/2022 19:56

Does he know that some babies can come quickly? My first and only arrived in 3 hours and 20 minutes: from first twinge to DS being born. I wouldn't feel comfortable being so far away now you're overdue.

De88 · 11/10/2022 19:59

I think you might both be unreasonable.
He's grieving. You're due to give birth. Though it's happened before, it's unlikely that you'll go from feeling not a thing to having a baby. If you do start feeling something he drops what he's doing and drives back.

Even if he is away while you're in labour, you'll be in safe hands. But if you need him with you throughout, tell him.