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AIBU?

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Original poster

OH being 4 hours away, when I'm due to give birth any day.

52 replies

WhyMe131 · 11/10/2022 17:22

I was due to give birth on Saturday, still nothing. OH mentioned this morning that he whats to go visit his cousins grave tmrw as it will be 2 months since his death, it's a 4 hour drive away! As you can probably imagine what's going through my head. I never said anything so he kept saying what do you think, eventually I said, I'm going to state the facts which are, I could give birth any day, especially since I'm having the sweep today. Again after the sweep at the doctors he mentioned it again saying, I was thinking of going early morning then coming back as soon as. Hes been doing my nut in throughout this whole pregnancy, arguing over the dumbest of things.

Seriously am I going fucking insane!

Is he an idiotic dickhead or am I just being unreasonable, I just dont know anymore.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 11/10/2022 20:00

Hes been doing my nut in throughout this whole pregnancy, arguing over the dumbest of things

This is very concerning. So he's basically making his pregnant partners life more difficult by picking fights and being a selfish dick?

EarlofShrewsbury · 11/10/2022 20:17

My first sign of labour was the pop of my waters as I leaned forward for the remote so I could change the channel. Pointless coming on, so it was 5.15pm.

She was born at 9.47pm.

So around 4.5 hrs.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 11/10/2022 20:21

Crunchymum · 11/10/2022 20:00

Hes been doing my nut in throughout this whole pregnancy, arguing over the dumbest of things

This is very concerning. So he's basically making his pregnant partners life more difficult by picking fights and being a selfish dick?

There's absolutely nothing to suggest that and no detail on what they've been arguing over so thats unfair although in this specific instance he's massively unreasonable.

Montague22 · 11/10/2022 20:29

Yep he’s a massive dickhead. Is there someone else you can have as a back up partner or who can take you in? Unfortunately the anger will probably stop your labour starting when he’s away anyway.

glamourousindierockandroll · 11/10/2022 20:39

It does sound like he's picking a fight with this tbh, because he keeps asking her 'what do you think?' therefore making her the decision maker. He is doing something unreasonable and somehow trying not to take responsibility for it.

If you say no and you don't have the baby, he can sulk, and say I told you so and make you seem demanding.

If you say yes, and then go into labour while he is away, it's not his fault because you agreed.

OP only "wins" if she happens to go into labour on that day.

Musti · 11/10/2022 20:41

He doesn’t need to go to the grave. His cousin won’t know. He should stay with you. Idiot

jellytots5 · 11/10/2022 20:45

Yeah he's an idiot. What is he thinking? My DP works away during the week and is a 3 hr drive away. I was very anxious towards the end of the pregnancy but his bag was always packed in his car towards the end ready to leave instantly. Thankfully DS arrived on a Saturday morning but we would never of done this through choice. and you shouldn't have to be worrying when it's not absolutely necessary for him to go at this stage in your pregnancy!

User38899953 · 11/10/2022 20:50

Hubs456 · 11/10/2022 19:19

Could you go with him OP? With your notes obviously. Then if you go into labour you could go to a hospital closeby and your partner could come. And if not, you’ll be back at home in 8 hours so no harm?
also would be interesting to check how he responds in case there is an OW! (I think this is very unlikely based on what you’ve said btw)

What a ridiculous suggestion 🙄

Witchymcwitch · 11/10/2022 21:04

Does he think he only needs to be there at the end? That you won’t need any support while you’re in labour?
So he thinks he can wizz back and still get there in time! Never mind support for you when it all kicks off.

My first was 2.5hrs start to finish. Not usual, but it does happen.
He’s a twat.

iolaus · 11/10/2022 21:19

He is asking what you think and you aren't replying just say you think he's stupid for even considering it, that you need him nearby for support

Original poster
WhyMe131 · 11/10/2022 21:37

glamourousindierockandroll · 11/10/2022 20:39

It does sound like he's picking a fight with this tbh, because he keeps asking her 'what do you think?' therefore making her the decision maker. He is doing something unreasonable and somehow trying not to take responsibility for it.

If you say no and you don't have the baby, he can sulk, and say I told you so and make you seem demanding.

If you say yes, and then go into labour while he is away, it's not his fault because you agreed.

OP only "wins" if she happens to go into labour on that day.

This.

This is exactly what he does, I find it so sly.
If he leaves the decision with me and if anything goes wrong he can blame me, that's the logic behind his thinking. He thinks I dont know he does this.

Theres not really anyone else I can take as I dont have family nearby and most of my friends have children or other responsibilities.

I think the 2 month thing has some sort of religious significance hence him wanting to go, however OH is not at all religious, so dont really get why it's so important all of a sudden.

OP posts:
Charcy · 11/10/2022 21:45

My labour lasted 30 hours, but u bet your ass I needed my DH from the get go.
Ridiculous for him to suggest. Ridiculous for you to not just say "no". He's asking you to make the decision, so make it. Fuck him. If baby doesn't come, so what. It's a risk not worth taking. Sounds more like he's planning a trip away in the hope he doesn't need to be there anyway.

unfortunateevents · 11/10/2022 21:50

I think the 2 month thing has some sort of religious significance hence him wanting to go - what is his religion?

JustAnotherManicMomday · 11/10/2022 21:52

Personally my response would be to ask if he intends to be at the birth of his child? If he says yes then point out he cannot do that if his potentially 4 hours away when you go into labour. If he still brings it up I would them tell him if he goes he can forget being at the birth even if I didn't go into labour whilst he went as clearly looking at a grave is more important. Why can he not go on the 3 month anniversary or the 6 month. I would e questioning why his so insistent on going.

NCAutumn · 11/10/2022 21:52

Religious? Give over

How very holy and spiritual of him to abandon his wife as she gives birth 🤣

Montague22 · 11/10/2022 21:54

Is this totally out of character? Anything else along these lines happened?

Dragonfly909 · 11/10/2022 21:57

I went from nothing at all to baby out in 4 hours, so it can happen! (First baby). A friend of mine gave birth in 30 mins. So to me it sounds mad to be 4 hours away at this stage.

flingingmelon · 11/10/2022 21:58

DH did this to me, although it was a meeting rather than a grave visit. I insisted that he didn't leave me and he folded with a bit of a strop.

However because he didn't go he got to see his DS born, which in hindsight he wouldn't have missed for the world.

Men are just a bit weird sometimes. If he's not there he will regret it.

onionringcheeseypuff · 11/10/2022 22:03

He's an idiot, you could go into labour at any moment and it could be smooth sailing but quick so he'll miss it. Or, worst case you or baby need extra care and you need him there to help you. It's a major medical event, he needs to be nearby!

Cakecakecheese · 11/10/2022 22:05

Do you even want him at the birth? He's been argumentative and is causing you extra stress, there's a chance he could be unhelpful during the birth. A relative or friend could be a better birth partner.

Getoff · 11/10/2022 22:15

I never said anything so he kept saying what do you think, eventually I said, I'm going to state the facts which are, I could give birth any day, especially since I'm having the sweep today. Again after the sweep at the doctors he mentioned it again saying, I was thinking of going early morning then coming back as soon as. Hes been doing my nut in throughout this whole pregnancy, arguing over the dumbest of things.

What I see is that you strongly believe he shouldn't do this, but won't say so out loud, consequently he continues to think it's a viable option, and continues to quiz you as to whether it's OK with you.

Instead of setting him straight, you are staying silent while you think in the privacy of you own head what a moron he is, and come on here to complain about him.

If he's really going to complain if the baby doesn't get born on the day he didn't go then he's so stupid that no amount of advice is going to make your future with him OK.

Getoff · 11/10/2022 22:18

Maybe I've misunderstood the situation, that's just how it came across to me. A problem that could have been settled immediately with a single sentence the second it arose has become an ongoing issue because for some reason you can't immediately say what you think and feel.

dizzydizzydizzy · 11/10/2022 22:42

angelopal · 11/10/2022 19:54

My first labour was only about 6 hours. No one expected it to be that quick. It was intense and I needed him with me.

I think you need to tell him that he needs to stay.

Agreed. My first was even shorter.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 11/10/2022 22:46

Can you tell us which religion celebrates the two month anniversary after death? And which religion specifies that the grave has to be visited rather than the relative going to a place of worship?

paintitallover · 11/10/2022 23:28

I think he has another plan altogether.