are they being cheeky?

[goldandblue]

My brother married my SIL. We've never clicked but we don't have a bad relationship either. We don't see each other very often as we don't live close.

They have son, my nephew, who is about to turn 3 next week. I asked them what sort of things they want for his birthday and they gave me a list of items, all of them £35+. Is normal or is this a bit cheeky? I know it is my fault for asking in the first place, but I assumed we'd get a bit of a range. I don't know my nephew is into at the moment, so I didn't want to get something he wouldn't like or need.

They don't know our financial situation but we are tight with money (aren't we all?), my husband had to recently take a paycut and I am not a high earner so now I feel like I am forced to spend at least £30 on a present.

AIBU here or am I being just really stingy?

Contact your brother and ask if you can buy something less expensive...or just send a card and a smaller gift using the list as a guide.

I would happily pay £35 for my nephews birthday present, and possibly a bit more. What kind of price did you have in mind? If you can’t afford that then can you look at the list they gave you and see if you can find a similar item a little bit cheaper?

To be fair you now have a list of things he would be into to use as a guide to buy something else

I think £30ish is ‘gift’ amount.

It’s what I’d spend on a secret Santa, for example.

Well they have given you a list of what he likes so you could maybe get something that is within your budget if its character things or whatever. £30 is probably average for a nephews birthday present.

£35 is a lot for a 3yo.

You don't need suggestions from them for a 3yo, just get him something in the £10 range, or a few things like colouring books and pens, a reading book etc.

Just because you asked for suggestions doesn't mean you have to buy what they suggested.

They could have been more decent and suggested a range from £5.

Do you have kids?

YANBU. When family members ask me for present ideas for the kids, I try and give a range of options - including low budget items. I would never assume that everyone is in a position to pay £30+ for a kids' present, or that, even if they are, they should have to.

Yeah I wouldn’t spend that on my nieces/nephews (although I have loads so would be bankrupt if I did!).

Could you take one of the ideas and scale it down? Say if they’ve said the paw patrol tower, could you just buy a couple of the cars?

Just find something you can afford and ask them if it's OK or not?

So has your brother married your husband's sister and how your sil is a double sil?

(I think £35 is ok for a nephew's gift but if that's too much then buy something similar that is cheaper. E.g. if they have asked for Duplo then buy unbranded blocks instead)

You're not close, they don't know your financial situation, they've probably suggested some things around the price point they would spend on a nephew. So I'd say they are not cheeky, but you could get him something cheaper based on the ideas they gave you.

Or just buy something and keep receipt

Also I don't think it is cheeky you're basically asking them to use brainspace so you don't have to think of a gift yourself.

Whether it's cheeky or not, please don't spend money you haven't got just because you're embarrassed not to get something off the list. Can you use the list as an example of the kind of things he likes, and choose something similar but cheaper?

I would say £35 is a high price range for a 3yo
when people ask me I go for generic stuff - Lego, favourite characters, whatever my DD is into (say baking, painting) so people can find something on their price range - I don’t give them an Amazon wish list
so yes I would say that’s cheeky

When asked about gift ideas for my daughter I send ideas ranging from £10-£40ish but always follow it with a text saying don’t go over board and only spend what you can afford. She’d be ecstatic with £5 in a card tbh.
kids toys are quite expensive and it’s hard to buy something decent for cheap toy wise.
most children love colouring books, sticker books, story books, jigsaws. All of which can be picked up in the works for a few pounds each. As a mum I love them kind of gifts even if we already have lots of them things they can go in a draw and be given when travelling or eating out.

It doesn't matter what others would spend on their relatives, if you can't afford it, it's not ok. Like a PP said, can you look at other options linked to the ideas they've given you? Or be upfront and say that if it's OK could they give you some cheaper options? They're the ones that should be embarrassed assuming you could afford that amount, ie they should give you a range.

Use the list as a for the things he likes or buy him some pyjamas and slippers.

*as a guide

For a close relative like a nephew, £30 ish is an amount I would expect to pay.

Maybe have a little look on Vinted? I've bought some brand new toys on there for my friends children and they've been half the price :-)

£30ish on a birthday gift for a nephew isn’t unreasonable IMO.

also, what’s the relevance of you not “clicking” with SIL here?

Probably because if she buys a shit present everyone will hear about it

I think that price range is about right. Not cheeky at all. Just get something cheaper if you can't afford it - they won't mind.

I know what you mean, but given that OP isn’t close to the child presumably she just doesn’t know what he’d like, and wants to be sure to get something he will enjoy? Also, to get something the parents won’t object to, but again isn’t close enough to them (despite technically being a close relative) to know what fits the bill? I always check with the parents of my godchildren as I neither want to waste money, nor buy them a disappointing present or one that will annoy my friends. I see my godchildren regularly so let friends know what I’m thinking to get, and just check their opinion / that no one else is buying the same thing, but when they were younger I asked for suggestions as I didn’t have any experience of young children at that point and was totally clueless!