are they being cheeky?

[goldandblue]

My brother married my SIL. We've never clicked but we don't have a bad relationship either. We don't see each other very often as we don't live close.

They have son, my nephew, who is about to turn 3 next week. I asked them what sort of things they want for his birthday and they gave me a list of items, all of them £35+. Is normal or is this a bit cheeky? I know it is my fault for asking in the first place, but I assumed we'd get a bit of a range. I don't know my nephew is into at the moment, so I didn't want to get something he wouldn't like or need.

They don't know our financial situation but we are tight with money (aren't we all?), my husband had to recently take a paycut and I am not a high earner so now I feel like I am forced to spend at least £30 on a present.

AIBU here or am I being just really stingy?

[Angelinflipflops]

Don't ask for ideas, just use your imagination or Google!

[mam0918]

People saying £35 is what you should spend on a nephew do realise YOU dont get to decide how much someone else can afford to spend right?

£35 is an insane amount for most people I know, I only spend £50 on my OWN kids birthday gifts (and they don't get gifts from their uncles).

OP look at whats on the list and find cheaper suitible options... eg. if the list has on the PJ masks Air Jet for £34.99 then its safe to assume he like PJ masks so maybe PJ masks Owlette Sub Rover is more affordable at £10 at the entertainer (you can include the receipt if your worried about duplicates).

Im with you OP I think £35 is a very high CF its over 1/3rd of £100. I would never dream of asking for something that expensive and people saying thats what they expect as average are really showing their privilage.

[Prinnny]

Your mistake was not specifying a budget if money is right, £35 is around average for a close relative.

If you can’t afford any of the suggestions just do a variation of one of them.

[mam0918]

@Allthingsbrightandbeautifulx

Playdoh, he’ll love it SIL will hate it 😂
Massive selection in all price ranges and currently on offer on Prime early access sale.

My eldest when younger distroyed his brand new school schoes but filling them with play doh then ramming his feet in permantly squishing it into every ounce of the fabric.

Never again... its banned in this house lol.

[Allthingsbrightandbeautifulx]

@mam0918

My eldest when younger distroyed his brand new school schoes but filling them with play doh then ramming his feet in permantly squishing it into every ounce of the fabric.

Never again... its banned in this house lol.

😂😂 I don’t blame you for banning it after that ha.

[AryaStarkWolf]

It isn't extortionate enough for me to think they're being cheeky but if it's out of your budget, as others have said surely the list gives you an idea of what he likes and you could use that knowledge but pick something cheaper

[TooHotToTangoToo]

I think it's a lot for a small child. Either buy him a few books or a gift card and leave it at that.

[RosieLemonadeAndSugar]

We spend £15 on nieces / nephews in our family! You should have told them your budget at the time of asking, however, if anyone asks me for my children i never send anything above £20!

You could just message back and say 'sorry, were having to cut back at the moment, do you have any ideas for (your budget) amount?

[C152]

I think it's a bit expensive for a young child you don't see much; but it's not cheeky for them to give you a list you asked for. I tend to ask what other people's kids are interested in rather than what they might like, as then people tend to say, 'oh they love painting/making bracelets' or 'they're really into science' which gives you a bit of direction without feeling trapped into spending a certain amount.

[DameHelena]

I think that's a lot. And I've only ever done Secret Santas that were £5 or £10.
I'd reply and say, 'We were thinking in the price range £xx to £xx.' Or just get something that's within your budget using the list as a guide to the kind of things he's into.

[AriettyHomily]

Just choose something yourself and give a gift receipt.

[LocalHobo]

I spend about that much on my nephew but he's the only one
As your brother has married your SIL, maybe you won't have many more nieces and nephews, but that is immaterial - you should spend what you want.
When I ask for present ideas I usually give an idea of what I'm hoping to spend up front.

[Tessasanderson]

When it comes to presents i would NEVER expect anyone to buy a gift that made them struggle financially. Whether that was £5, £10 or £50. No gift is EVER worth that. Life is difficult enough without people having to make life more difficult trying to be nice and giving a present.

[TheHoover]

A 3 y/o couldn’t give a monkeys about the price of a gift. It’s also a complete lottery which present they like the most and they could be overwhelmed in presents so whatever you get might be ignored.

buy them something else and tell your B&SIL that you have got something not on the list so they can re-allocate if they want.

[washingbasketqueen]

I would never expect a relative or friend to spend that much on my dc. Depending on age 15-20 max.

[drpet49]

@sandytooth

Also I don't think it is cheeky you're basically asking them to use brainspace so you don't have to think of a gift yourself.

@sandytooth hardly. I bet the majority of parents would rather be asked what their child wants rather than receive a load of useless tat.

[mam0918]

@drpet49

@sandytooth hardly. I bet the majority of parents would rather be asked what their child wants rather than receive a load of useless tat.

To be honest I HATE being asked.

It is just putting another job onto me and I have enough to do.

The things I think of for my DC birthday or xmas is the gifts I get them unless its too expensive in which case I would die of embarasment recommending it to someone else.

[goldandblue]

I should've added that another reason why I asked for a list is because they are very particular about what they want / like. Last Xmas I sent them, what I thought was, a very lovely red jacket for my nephew. Later on I heard from my mum that my SIL had given it away as it "was the wrong colour and nothing went with it and they wished we'd asked first."

I agree that asking can be annoying but if they are very particular and we are not very closed what am I meant to do? I don't want to spend money for it to be given away for being the wrong thing!

[TheOrigRights]

Later on I heard from my mum that my SIL had given it away as it "was the wrong colour and nothing went with it and they wished we'd asked first."

What were your Mum's intentions when telling you this? To make you feel bad or to stir up bad feelings between you and your brother and SIL?

[TheTeddyBears]

I know my sisters spend about £50ish on my kids but if/when they ask for ideas I usually suggest something maybe £30-£35. They buy other stuff too but I still wouldn't feel comfortable asking them to go £50 for something. I spend the same on my nieces and nephews older ones get £50 cash and something small to open.

He shld have sent a few ideas with some cheaper ones too about £20 mark it is a bit presumptuous not necessarily cheeky.