are they being cheeky?

[goldandblue]

My brother married my SIL. We've never clicked but we don't have a bad relationship either. We don't see each other very often as we don't live close.

They have son, my nephew, who is about to turn 3 next week. I asked them what sort of things they want for his birthday and they gave me a list of items, all of them £35+. Is normal or is this a bit cheeky? I know it is my fault for asking in the first place, but I assumed we'd get a bit of a range. I don't know my nephew is into at the moment, so I didn't want to get something he wouldn't like or need.

They don't know our financial situation but we are tight with money (aren't we all?), my husband had to recently take a paycut and I am not a high earner so now I feel like I am forced to spend at least £30 on a present.

AIBU here or am I being just really stingy?

This. Especially since you aren't close.

I would always default to books, just send a couple of toddler books and a card.

@Poppop4 That is what I was expecting, a range of prices so we can pick what is best for us. That's what I would've done anyway.

I think it would have been more tasteful to give you a list of things up and down the ££ scale than only stuff £35+

I just Google gift for x year old and then find something similar. Then ask if that's ok.

YANBU, when family members ask for gift ideas for my young kids I will give a list of ideas ranging from £5 to £50 and I give no expectation on what I expect people to spend. 3 year olds don't care or know how much something costs. I took my 4 year old to the toy shop the other day and gave her a budget of £20, all she wanted was a hula hoop for less than a fiver!

@MotherOfPuffling You got this exactly right, thank you!

Then ask. It's your brother just say have you got any smaller ideas? Would xyz be OK? Maybe that was all the ideas they had left after another relative had asked. gift list coordination is a bloody nightmare sometimes.

I'd put the cash in a card with some treats. They can use the money to buy something on the list. Please don't send gift cards, they are a massive pain in the arse and so restrictive.

Do a quick Google. Find a couple of options you would like to give and see if either of them would be OK. Don't make them do all the thinking for you.

In the future ask what he is 'into' and go by that rather than asking for specific things.
It is cheeky as they have no idea about your financial situation!
We usually spend around £20 each on nieces and nephews unless it's a milestone birthday.
They have so much when they're young as well there's no need to spend a fortune on them!

I spend about that much on my nephew but he's the only one I've got so can afford to and we're close. My brother spends slightly less on my girls but there's two of them so it all adds up and wouldn't expect him to spend more.
My 3 year old had a party for her birthday and lots of people messaged asking for gift ideas. I basically said anything crafty or anything Frozen. Some people turned up with bigger presents, some turned up with a couple of packs of pens and stickers, and honestly, my daughter was delighted with every single one.
At 3 years old, I'm pretty sure you could give the smallest present, as long as its got paper on that they can tear off, they'll be ecstatic!
Good luck, and don't spend money that you don't have, it's really not worth the stress!

Buy him a nice book or two. All 3 yr olds love a story.

Get a book and a tshirt or pair of jammies. Can't go wrong.

Have you got any other family who would go halves with you? But personally I'd tell your brother money is tight and ask for cheaper options.

Just use the list to work out what your nephew is into and then get something in line with that, but in your price range. If you don’t want to do that then buy a nice book and pop £10 in a card for them as well.

What sorts of things are on the list? Can't you guess from the list what he likes and buy a cheaper, non brand alternative? 3 year olds are quite easy and love most things, they don't care how much things cost! It's Amazon Prime day today if you have Prime, might find something on there? Or check FB Marketplace, Vinted, you can find brand new unwanted gifts on there.

Loads of deals on Amazon today so you spend less but it will look like you spent more. Also check out the latest Xmas bargains threads.

What people spend on a present for a nephew will vary from £10 to £100+, however nobody should ever feel like they have to spend more on a present than they can afford and I guess that is the issue here. Confounded by the fact that you are suggesting you aren't close.

I'd be tempted to buy a voucher that can be used towards one of the listed gifts and write in the card something along the lines of "Here's a giftcard, we thought it could go towards xxx or something else that DN will love, we hope you have lots of fun playing with it!"

Do you mean you've never clicked with your DB or your SIL?

The gift list will give you an idea of what they’re into and you can something along that theme. Or just get Lego/Duplo as can’t really go wrong with that.

Playdoh, he’ll love it SIL will hate it 😂
Massive selection in all price ranges and currently on offer on Prime early access sale.

Sod play doh. Go for kinetic sand. Now that stuff gets everywhere

That's the kind of price range I'd assume, but totally get how tricky things are right now.

Now you have an idea of what he likes, have a shop around. There's a great website called Wicked Uncle that I shop from all the time, it will give you great suggestions and let you select an age/price range to search within, too

Can I ask what type of things are on the list? For example, if there is Duplo bricks I'm sure you can get a more affordable similar 'own brand' brick set for less.
If there are cars on the list - get the cheaper version in the toy shop. If there are arts and crafts things mentioned, don't go for the Crayola version, find the own brand cheaper version. The kid won't know.
Or just get a teddy bear/soft toy.

Is there no precedence in your family e.g. for Xmas etc?

I am one of 5 kids, there are millions of nieces and nephews and everyone spends around the tenner mark. Now and again, 2 people will club together to get a joint bigger wanted item.

I would definitely think it was cheeky if my sisters sent me a list with only £35 items on, but that's what's normal for our family.

Get £10 of Hama beads