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AIBU?

“Sick” boyfriend

70 replies

Adelesky · 10/10/2022 10:48

Boyf works in public sector in quite a stressful job. This morning he has called in sick - third time in 2 weeks - but nothing seems to be matter with him. He’s complaining of a cough & sore throat, general covid symptoms. I wfh and he’s in the spare room now watching tv/video games. His attitude to work starting to annoy and concern me.
Am I BU to be annoyed at this?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

289 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
21%
You are NOT being unreasonable
79%
ICanHideButICantRun · 10/10/2022 10:49

I think "covid symptoms" have given a lot of lazy people an excuse to not go to work.

Has he lost any jobs in the past?

Stomacharmeleon · 10/10/2022 10:50

He is man ill.... beware of the donning of the dressing gown!

Dixiechickonhols · 10/10/2022 10:51

He sounds stressed. Easier to call in with a physical complaint than admit he’s struggling. Would he speak to gp? You are concerned as he’s been ill a lot. It will probably flag at hr - lots of individual sick days.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/10/2022 10:52

Is his gaming/tv disturbing your work?

Adelesky · 10/10/2022 10:53

Not sure he has but just seems to be blasé about it all & as a later poster has just stated this will be flagged up and he could lose this job.

OP posts:
user1468105798 · 10/10/2022 10:54

Stomacharmeleon · 10/10/2022 10:50

He is man ill.... beware of the donning of the dressing gown!

My hubby has been in the dressing gown of doom all weekend 🙄

Adelesky · 10/10/2022 10:54

Not massively. I was supposed to be off today to have a day to myself but I decided I may as well work.. added to my irritation if im being honest

OP posts:
Babooshka1991 · 10/10/2022 10:55

Public sector usually has rules for sickness absence, e.g three absences can put somebody on a probationary period

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 10/10/2022 10:58

I used to have a boyfriend like this.

Always taking the piss and used to shred stuff from his desk before he went on holiday so he didn't have to deal with it.

Turns out a he was a lazy liar in real life too.

It's too hard to make things work with someone who's got a totally different work ethic than you. I've dumped friends firy similar.

Jijithecat · 10/10/2022 11:00

Well I'm guessing he'll be put on an action plan quite soon regarding his sickness occurrences.

Regardless of whether his gaming is disturbing you or not if he's equally responsible for paying the bills and putting his job at risk then this will have an impact on you.

Dixiechickonhols · 10/10/2022 11:01

He won’t lose job but it will flag up. Maybe he’s hoping for that (consciously or not?)
I’d be speaking to him and trying to see what’s going on. Does he want to move jobs?

CheezePleeze · 10/10/2022 11:04

You describe him as your boyfriend rather than your partner. Does this mean he doesn't live with you?

If that's the case, why not ask him to go home to his own bedroom?

Adelesky · 10/10/2022 11:17

We live together. Sadly!

OP posts:
Adelesky · 10/10/2022 11:19

Think you’re right - almost trying to lose the job sub consciously. Denies there’s anything else going on mentally etc.. it’s just very unappealing

OP posts:
purpleboy · 10/10/2022 11:20

How long have you been together? Is he like this in other areas of life?

Herejustforthisone · 10/10/2022 11:23

Ugh. What a pathetic child, ‘bunking off’ to play games.

Clarinet1 · 10/10/2022 11:26

I’m sorry OP, but if he starts getting into trouble at work (which as pp have said could mean losing his job) I think you should definitely think twice before you formally attach yourself to him in any way (house purchase, marriage, DC).

Adelesky · 10/10/2022 11:41

@purpleboy not sure that posted. 2 and a bit years, this is really opening my eyes. I suppose he is like this in other areas too

OP posts:
WhatWouldHopperDo · 10/10/2022 11:52

This is a pattern of behaviour I fell into when I was very stressed with work and desperate to get out. It’s a dangerous tactic because you risk losing your job/having a terrible sickness record on a reference.

JorisBonson · 10/10/2022 11:53

Could he be struggling mentally?

ATwirlADay · 10/10/2022 11:54

Has he tested positive for Covid?

Adelesky · 10/10/2022 12:07

@JorisBonson perhaps but he has insisted not. I think it’s laziness and it’s really starting to get me down. Tested negative for covid which he was gutted about

OP posts:
monsteramunch · 10/10/2022 12:10

I would find this very unattractive and be annoyed if it meant he was risking his job and therefore his financial stability as you share a home and presumably pay rent equally. What's his plan if he loses his job? For you to sub him?

ICanHideButICantRun · 10/10/2022 12:18

I'd find it very unattractive, too. I couldn't be doing with a lazy man.

If you like him, tell him that if he loses this job, you are ending the relationship.

If he's a lazy and irresponsible guy in other ways, I'd get out now.

namechange3394 · 10/10/2022 12:23

I assume he hasn't been like this for the full time you've known him, or how has he not been sacked?

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