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“Sick” boyfriend

70 replies

Adelesky · 10/10/2022 10:48

Boyf works in public sector in quite a stressful job. This morning he has called in sick - third time in 2 weeks - but nothing seems to be matter with him. He’s complaining of a cough & sore throat, general covid symptoms. I wfh and he’s in the spare room now watching tv/video games. His attitude to work starting to annoy and concern me.
Am I BU to be annoyed at this?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

ValerieDoonican · 10/10/2022 20:19

Well if does have MH issues, he needs to see a doctor. If it's purely down to a bad match between him and his job, he needs to be taking active steps to find different work. As neither of these things is happening, it sounds as though he thinks his strategy for managing the situation is sufficient, nothing needs to change. So nothing will.

The drinking is worrisome, and does suggest MH issues either already, or in the making. But if he won't address the situation, it won't improve , will it?

I don't see what you have to feel guilty about. If he won't help himself by a variant of the two lines of action I suggested above, why should you help him by getting back together with him and generally 'being kind'? (not that is has helped, clearly)

Why should you feel guilty for refusing to continue like this, if you are uncomfortable (which most people would be)?

It's his job, not yours, to make him feel better about things.


NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/10/2022 20:52

Adelesky · 10/10/2022 18:43

@Summerfun54321 i think I’ve been understanding this last year and said nothing over other periods of being off from work - weeks at a time - he’d just play video games and drink. At one point he didn’t get paid as he’d already had three weeks off about a month earlier.. didn’t see a GP, just said he needed to de-stress. I don’t know how much more I can take this time round tbh.

He's aiming to become a professional alcoholic cocklodger.

Bin him before he's got you paying for his booze as well as everything else.


loottie · 11/10/2022 22:11

I'd feel the same as you, unless someone I was with were able to get help for their health (mental or otherwise) I would not be volunteering to be their mode of support through life.


VladmirsPoutine · 11/10/2022 22:20

Do you have kids and also have you both discussed marriage and the future?


Anon778833 · 11/10/2022 22:21

YANBU - this would really put me off someone.


uncomfortablydumb53 · 11/10/2022 23:21

If you've already split for 6 months and given him a chance to change.. He hasn't and won't change now
I think you need to end it before he drags you down
You'll be happier without him


Iamthewombat · 11/10/2022 23:30

Summerfun54321 · 10/10/2022 18:07

Lots of short sickness time off is usually a sign of stress or mental health problems. Are you understanding and approachable? Or would you brush him off as lazy?

Or it might be a sign that he is a pisstaker. In healthcare. The next time someone gripes that the NHS is “on its knees”, think about how sympathetic you really are to NHS staff who repeatedly skive off work, pretending to have a cold, so that they can play video games.

Why the determination to make his behaviour someone else’s fault? If he doesn’t like his job, or finds it stressful, he needs to find a different one.


Adelesky · 15/10/2022 09:10

Update: we have separated and thankfully he packed his bags last night. Thank you for all your messages

OP posts:

CalamityClam · 15/10/2022 09:14

How do you feel about it?


balalake · 15/10/2022 09:16

Thank you for the update and you have made the right decision.


Adelesky · 15/10/2022 09:22

Unbelievably relieved. Very happy.. he was amazed at the decision!!! but can’t wait to get my life back. Last time we broke up I was sad but I feel nothing but relief now

OP posts:

Dontjudgeme101 · 15/10/2022 09:36

Good for you op. 💐💐


billy1966 · 15/10/2022 19:43

Delighted for you.

Let him be someone else's problem.

I can only imagine the relief.


Thepeopleversuswork · 15/10/2022 20:06

Life’s too short for this OP. Bad enough now, imagine what it would be like if you had kids with him. Get out while you can.


Thepeopleversuswork · 15/10/2022 20:07

Wow cross posted and have just seen your message. Well done!


uncomfortablydumb53 · 15/10/2022 20:28

Great news
The fact you feel relieved is your assurance that you've done the right thing
Better times ahead


Adelesky · 15/10/2022 21:16

Thank you all so much. Will take some time to get back to my single life I suppose and he’s been pretty abusive today on text! So that tells me doesn’t it how right I was!

OP posts:

Rainbowqueeen · 15/10/2022 21:25

Well done OP. Women do not need to take on the role of Barb the builder and emotional support for these wasters who won’t help themselves.

Block him if he is being abusive.


billy1966 · 16/10/2022 10:10

Adelesky · 15/10/2022 21:16

Thank you all so much. Will take some time to get back to my single life I suppose and he’s been pretty abusive today on text! So that tells me doesn’t it how right I was!

Well done for getting him out so promptly.

Reality has hit him and he is pissed off his meal ticket is gone and he is kicking himself for leaving so easily.

Be thrilled you got him physically out so easily.

I think you are going to recover with an astonishing speed.

Waster men ruin womens lives.
Be so proud of yourself that you got this leech out.

Have a look at the to help you strengthen your boundaries and spot wasters in the future.

Wishing you well.


Iflyaway · 16/10/2022 10:25

Good to see you being so decisive!

This stood out for me: Tested negative for covid which he was gutted about

First time I've heard of someone actually WANTING to have covid! Shocking!

Imagine the repercussions for you if he had had it. Isolating from the world while having to isolate yourself. Shows you exactly how much he cared for your well-being....

Onwards and upwards OP!

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