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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Sick” boyfriend

70 replies

Adelesky · 10/10/2022 10:48

Boyf works in public sector in quite a stressful job. This morning he has called in sick - third time in 2 weeks - but nothing seems to be matter with him. He’s complaining of a cough & sore throat, general covid symptoms. I wfh and he’s in the spare room now watching tv/video games. His attitude to work starting to annoy and concern me.
Am I BU to be annoyed at this?

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 10/10/2022 12:24

Have you been together long? How is your relationship normally? What is his work ethic normally like? To be honest if my partner did this I would be very worried about him. I certainly wouldn't be thinking of dumping him, I'd be trying to support him!

OrlandointheWilderness · 10/10/2022 12:24

Has he tested?

DarceyG · 10/10/2022 12:24

Adelesky · 10/10/2022 11:19

Think you’re right - almost trying to lose the job sub consciously. Denies there’s anything else going on mentally etc.. it’s just very unappealing

I would find this very unappealing too, I would probably end up not being attracted to him.

Cw112 · 10/10/2022 12:25

I'd flag it up with him and ask if there's something else going on- is he down/ stressed/burnt-out etc. Numerous one off absences could trigger a disciplinary depending on his workplace policy

wildlifeobserver1 · 10/10/2022 12:35

Sounds like he’s stressed.

Original poster
Adelesky · 10/10/2022 12:40

I think he is stressed/ anxious but he won’t talk. And the irony is he’s always going on about communicating. His work ethic is not like mine - I thought that would be okay - but maybe it’s not. This has been going on for 9/10 months on and off. I’m amazed his work place have allowed it tbh, but they’re short staffed etc and the pay is low so they almost seem to just accept it. Long term I not sure I can be in a relationship like this

OP posts:
Jesusmaryjosephandtheweedon · 10/10/2022 12:42

If he is in a stressful job then maybe he just needs a bit of a break. To switch off from it. He is just going about it the wrong way. 3 days in 2 weeks of uncertified leave would definitely flag with my organisation. Maybe he is just fed up. If he is under pressure maybe he needs to chat to his gp and see where they go. But if he has always been like this and its not appealing behaviour to you then you need to end the relationship. Sounds like you are getting the "ick"

Sparkletastic · 10/10/2022 12:44

I'd be having a serious talk about mismatched work ethics

Original poster
Adelesky · 10/10/2022 13:12

There was weeks of this earlier in the year and he gets so much holiday as is.. wearing me down now

OP posts:
Original poster
Adelesky · 10/10/2022 14:28

Thank you for everyone’s messages. Lots to think about

OP posts:
bingbummy · 10/10/2022 14:41

It doesn't sound like this relationship is going anywhere. Is he going to blase about his job when you have children, for instance?

Do you want a partner, or a dependent?

Original poster
Adelesky · 10/10/2022 15:21

@bingbummy I agree, I don’t think it is going anywhere.. we split up briefly about 6 months ago but I felt guilty and we got back together. He said he’d change, be more aware etc but nope

OP posts:
1FootInTheRave · 10/10/2022 15:24

I had an ex who pulled similar tricks.

Nothing wrong with him, he was (still is) a lazy man child with an entitlement the size of the moon.

It won't get better.

Therealjudgejudy · 10/10/2022 15:27

Ugh...can't deal with these lazy men who act like teenagers playing video games...

cooolio · 10/10/2022 15:30

Where does he work? High stress, low pay doesn't sound good for his well-being to be honest.

Original poster
Adelesky · 10/10/2022 17:25

Health care

OP posts:
gannett · 10/10/2022 17:26

Adelesky · 10/10/2022 15:21

@bingbummy I agree, I don’t think it is going anywhere.. we split up briefly about 6 months ago but I felt guilty and we got back together. He said he’d change, be more aware etc but nope

You should split up for good as you obviously don't like him much.

A healthy relationship is one where, when your partner says they're ill, your first thought is to believe them, NOT that they're a lazy shirking liar.

Original poster
Adelesky · 10/10/2022 17:34

I’ve believed him before but now after 9/10 months there’s more to it than that just taking him at face value.

OP posts:
gannett · 10/10/2022 17:35

Adelesky · 10/10/2022 17:34

I’ve believed him before but now after 9/10 months there’s more to it than that just taking him at face value.

OK, well if you think he's a lazy shirking liar (and you know him, we don't) then my advice is to just not go out with lazy shirking liars.

Poppyseed14 · 10/10/2022 17:39

user1468105798 · 10/10/2022 10:54

My hubby has been in the dressing gown of doom all weekend 🙄

Show quote history

@user1468105798 sending love and prayers 😆😆

Summerfun54321 · 10/10/2022 18:07

Lots of short sickness time off is usually a sign of stress or mental health problems. Are you understanding and approachable? Or would you brush him off as lazy?

Useitorloseit · 10/10/2022 18:12

I had one of these partners, he didn't change and I didn't leave quick enough. Got into debt paying the bills alone and the relationship turned really nasty. I do really hope that doesn't happen to you but please be wary and keep in mind that you can leave/ask him to leave whenever you want. I hope your situation improves and he starts pulling his finger out 💞.

Original poster
Adelesky · 10/10/2022 18:36

@Useitorloseit thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Adelesky · 10/10/2022 18:43

@Summerfun54321 i think I’ve been understanding this last year and said nothing over other periods of being off from work - weeks at a time - he’d just play video games and drink. At one point he didn’t get paid as he’d already had three weeks off about a month earlier.. didn’t see a GP, just said he needed to de-stress. I don’t know how much more I can take this time round tbh.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 10/10/2022 18:59

He is a lazy waster and you need to decide is this what you want in a partner?

You being the adult and him being a lazy man child who will let you adult?

If you were my daughter I would say run.

He is showing you who he is.
Believe him.

Do you want a partner who you will have to carry?

He will drag you down.

Dump.