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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Yr 7 DS has lost so much uniform already!

69 replies

Tobaiass22 · 09/10/2022 09:20

Morning all

My 11 yr old DS has since starting secondary school in September lost the following;

His student Oyster card
School drawstring bag with trainers on the train
Pair of trousers after PE
Jumper
Blazer
Brothers Oyster card he was borrowing until we can replace his own
PE shirt
School access card (which was with original Oyster card)

We tried putting the second Oyster card on an old work lanyard around his neck, but it has still gotten lost!

Before this I told him repeatedly to keep his pass in the zipped inner pocket of his blazer, yet the pass went missing

There is no issue re bullying, rather forgetfulness/ carelessness which is really annoying

School doesn't allow mobile phones, so some parents have brought kids a tracker kids watch which allows parents to contact kids in an emergency but, I had planned to get this for him also, but scared he will just loose this also!

It has already cost me a fortune to replace most of the original kit, but even on Friday the last Oyster card, blazer and jumper went missing and I had to rescue him from the train station after work as otherwise he would have been stranded

I am totally at my wits end and do not know how else to get him to be more careful with his items, so fed up! And thinking of not getting him Christmas presents and using the money to replace school kit instead Angry

So has anyone else had this experience with their kids and are there any tactics for lessening likelihood of stuff going missing?

OP posts:
ChagSameachDoreen · 09/10/2022 09:22

He needs to learn the consequences of being so forgetful. Have him earn money for chores, then dock it for everything you have to replace that he loses.

toomuchlaundry · 09/10/2022 09:23

Was he like this at Primary School?

C1N1C · 09/10/2022 09:26

Not to stress you out, but could he be getting bullied? Theft and dominance by bullies is a real thing...

XelaM · 09/10/2022 09:27

OP - this is exactly like my 12-year-old daughter!!! No advice but LOTS of sympathy!!!

Original poster
Tobaiass22 · 09/10/2022 09:27

toomuchlaundry · 09/10/2022 09:23

Was he like this at Primary School?

He was a bit like this in primary, often forgetting his coat around the school, though they had an amazing caretaker who would always return his coat to him, the forgetting of the coat became less frequent in yr 5/6, and as for PE kit etc, due to covid they went in wearing the PE kit on those days so nothing to change into/ from

I am unsure if having so much kit ie blazer, tie, different items of PE kit etc is impacting his ability to keep track of everything, yet others manage it!

OP posts:
BackT · 09/10/2022 09:28

I can't believe that schools who have kids coming on trains don't allow phones.

It's literally the ONE time when I would want my DD to be able to have her phone.

Notanotherwindow · 09/10/2022 09:28

Stop replacing things. If he loses his oyster card, make him cycle, even if it takes hours. If its really too far to cycle take the money out of his pocket money or savings for a new card.

If he loses his uniform, don't buy new right away, let him get detention every day.

No new trainers, he'll have to wait for Christmas. And absolutely get him less presents and buy him uniform instead. He needs to learn the value of money.

Solmum1964 · 09/10/2022 09:29

My son lost his pe kit within the first week. We made him repay the cost in installments out of his pocket money. He was much better after that.

Original poster
Tobaiass22 · 09/10/2022 09:29

BackT · 09/10/2022 09:28

I can't believe that schools who have kids coming on trains don't allow phones.

It's literally the ONE time when I would want my DD to be able to have her phone.

I think I will try to get to watch that makes calls, on Friday trains were cancelled and I felt so unsettled at work until they confirmed he was in

OP posts:
LimeCheesecake · 09/10/2022 09:29

That isn’t normal for year 7. Has he always been like this? Was your primary school covering by not giving them any responsibility?

assume all items are labelled, has he been to lost property (ideally with a friend to help him look) to go through it all? Is it he’s losing things in school (most likely to turn up in lost property) or is it on the bus?

does he remember taking his blazer off? What happened next? Does he walk out of classrooms with it on the chair, or carry it and then put it down somewhere?

I would speak to his form tutor, if it’s the case that once he’s put something down he completely forgets about it’s existence until he needs it again, you might need to talk to SEND.

JuneOsborne · 09/10/2022 09:30

How do you lose trousers after PE? Someone must have them.

ShoesCoatandBag · 09/10/2022 09:30

I replace one lost card an academic year (on the grounds anyone can make a mistake) but after that they have to pay for their own.

How well labelled is all his stuff? Things with sewn in coloured labels work best (I find)

With the zipping in the card - make him do it every morning in front of you so it becomes muscle memory.

With trainers is it possible for him to have a big enough bag that everything can fit in - so he only has one thing to pick up?

(Dc2 has dyspraxia and ADHD so we do a lot of work on routine and organisation - not suggesting your son is but if it works it works)

Caiti19 · 09/10/2022 09:31

Dyspraxia?

JudgeRindersMinder · 09/10/2022 09:32

Why would he start to look after things when he just gets them replaced? You really do need to find some consequences which work for him to make him think about how the loss of something will affect him. Maybe unusual but my 2 kids managed to get through 13 years of school each without losing any uniform/kit, and neither of them are neurotic about stuff. But then they knew there wasn’t just ready money to replace stuff at that time

olympicsrock · 09/10/2022 09:32

some people are really forgetful with possessions ( I am one) . He needs to train himself to always put things in the same place ( have routine) and to prepare to leave a few minutes before he needs to and say to himself have I got my xyz.
Some people do this automatically and others need to work at it. Is he always running late too? It’s worth discussing working back from an event to work out what time he should prepare to leave

BenCooperSuperTrouper · 09/10/2022 09:32

We have a pocket money app. All pocket money, chore money and birthday money goes into their accounts attached to the app.

When they come home missing school kit, I give them one school day to find it, then the cost of replacing it is taken from their account attached to app. When they ask whinge that they have no money in their account, I show them the transaction list of “lost hat” “lost water bottle” etc and they have nowhere to go with their whinging.

Amazingly, after declaring the absolutely definitely have already checked lost property for whatever item has been lost, 9/10 they check properly the next day and magically find the item after the money threat.

Original poster
Tobaiass22 · 09/10/2022 09:32

JuneOsborne · 09/10/2022 09:30

How do you lose trousers after PE? Someone must have them.

He comes home from games in sports kit so probably didn't pack the trousers into the bag to begin with when stuffing the other items in

OP posts:
Cocopogo · 09/10/2022 09:32

Lots of sympathy. My DS was just like this, he’s 17 now and whilst he has got better he’s still a nightmare. He must have replaced his bank card about 8 times, he’s lucky no one has spent the money. Still always replacing house keys which really annoys me. No advice really as I haven’t been able to stop it happening, consequences either by me or by virtue of losing the item doesn’t seem to help him take better care of things.

LimeCheesecake · 09/10/2022 09:33

JuneOsborne · 09/10/2022 09:30

How do you lose trousers after PE? Someone must have them.

You walk home in PE kit. You come back to the changing room and in the meantime, your trousers have fallen off the peg you put them on onto the floor, someone has picked them up and put them on a different bench, if you have issues with processing info, if they aren’t just exactly where you left them, you can’t see them, and then the cleaners put them in the lost property box.

SoupDragon · 09/10/2022 09:34

My DSs lost far less when I started making them earn the cost of the items back.

WhatsitWiggle · 09/10/2022 09:35

If the clothes are labelled, they are most likely in lost property. Although DD lost her coat in school in yr 7 and it never turned up.

All yr 7s lose stuff in the first term, it's such a different environment having to move around with all the stuff.

Don't punish him. Work together on how he can learn to remember his kit. How does he remember everything in the morning? And if it's because you put his stuff together then stop! We have a list next to the school bag, DD has to check she's got everything and the act of her packing seems to help - she knows what went in, she knows what must come back. Still had a few occasions where she's forgot her lunch though so it's not fail-safe (mind you, I'm nearly 50 and have forgotten to take my purse to work on several occasions, thank goodness for Google pay on my phone).

Legoninjago1 · 09/10/2022 09:36

I told my 8 yr old that the next lost thing was coming out of his money. He cried and hasn't lost anything since! At our school (admittedly very small) if it's got a sewn in label it always comes back eventually.

olympicsrock · 09/10/2022 09:36

If he’s really struggling don’t punish the poor lad. I am constantly losing things - my brain just doesn’t track objects unless I make a huge effort. I am just focusing on people /events other things.
It’s hugely frustrating to be the person who loses stuff.

Original poster
Tobaiass22 · 09/10/2022 09:38

I have labelled his items, some of which is left on the train home from school, on the school coach, or in school itself, it is so draining

OP posts:
PaintedNailsAndBraidedHair · 09/10/2022 09:38

@Tobaiass22 How is he travelling to and back from school? Does he feel slightly overwhelmed with the journey, a little anxious?
I only ask, because if he does find it difficult, it'll be on his mind, making it easy to forget items (the thought of have to get to x and then y)- almost like taking too much brain space and so forgetting items.

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