Yr 7 DS has lost so much uniform already!

[Tobaiass22]

Morning all

My 11 yr old DS has since starting secondary school in September lost the following;

His student Oyster card
School drawstring bag with trainers on the train
Pair of trousers after PE
Jumper
Blazer
Brothers Oyster card he was borrowing until we can replace his own
PE shirt
School access card (which was with original Oyster card)

We tried putting the second Oyster card on an old work lanyard around his neck, but it has still gotten lost!

Before this I told him repeatedly to keep his pass in the zipped inner pocket of his blazer, yet the pass went missing

There is no issue re bullying, rather forgetfulness/ carelessness which is really annoying

School doesn't allow mobile phones, so some parents have brought kids a tracker kids watch which allows parents to contact kids in an emergency but, I had planned to get this for him also, but scared he will just loose this also!

It has already cost me a fortune to replace most of the original kit, but even on Friday the last Oyster card, blazer and jumper went missing and I had to rescue him from the train station after work as otherwise he would have been stranded

I am totally at my wits end and do not know how else to get him to be more careful with his items, so fed up! And thinking of not getting him Christmas presents and using the money to replace school kit instead

So has anyone else had this experience with their kids and are there any tactics for lessening likelihood of stuff going missing?

Have you contacted the school? Our lost property section is full of clothing, glasses, shoes that are never claimed.

Un named school uniform stays for a year then is washed and put with the spare uniform students can borrow from as we assume the original child has outgrown it. Everything else is sent to the closest charity shop.

That level of losing things isn't normal either, if he has always been like it it can be a sign of an Executive Functioning problem, in which case its worth contacting the SENDCO. EF can exist in isolation or alongside conditions like ADHD. Quite often these things rear their head when student move from the routine of Primary school to having to be more independent and organised at High School.

Is Everything labelled?? I can't emphasise enough how important it is for every single item of clothing to be labelled with his name.
Go into school. Go to reception and explain the situation and ask to look in lost property and get your child to take you to the changing rooms.
Email the P.E teachers and tell them how much stuff is missing and beg them to look.

The stuff has not just disappeared into the ether, it has to be somewhere. I have done all the above with my son. Went at the end of the day and git him to walkme through his day. We found his bag on top of a cupboard in a classroom. His p. E teacher found the rugby kit in the p.e office etc

We drop him to the station in the morning, sometimes I travel part way with him but on the way back he comes home himself

My kids were rubbish and lost so many things. So in secondary school when something went missing, I made them replace it.

Kids are easily distracted and lazy. My eldest would leave his PE kit and only realise when he was walking out of school. Rather than go back he’s just shrug because if it wasn’t there the next day Mum would buy him new kit. Knowing it would be his own money meant he was more focused.

They got better at searching the lost property. My youngest would just go to lost property and get a tie if he lost his. I only bought one when he started school. He left last summer and had 5 ties! He also had more PE shirts than I’d bought. We donated it all back to school and more though.

I'd be making him pay towards replacing it if it's happening so often. If you're replacing it there is no consequence for him being forgetful.

Contact the company who run the school bus. They will have stuff at the depot. Ditto TFL. It is wirth the effort.

At my school the lost property section has huge amounts of unclaimed stuff, and many parents email in. Honestly I think some of the kids forget to look. So expensive you'd think they would want to check it!

You have to allow them to suffer because of their actions. It's the only way, there's no incentive to look after or find their stuff if mummy goes out and buys new every time it disappears. So make him pay himself or walk to get to school. Cold? Tough, shouldn't have lost your jumper/coat. PE? No can do mate as you've lost your trainers.

It's not uncommon. My fairly conscientious child has managed to lose PE kits and coats.
Get him to check lost property at school. Make sure everything is labelled.
I would be stern but not punish him. DD offered pay for her lost pe kit which I declined but said she would have to pay if she lost it again! That was quite a powerful incentive.
Give him some tips to help him remember. Every time DD leaves the house in the morning she mentally checks off she has everything she needs.
Leaving stuff on the bus/train is very easy to do - chat with him about either keeping the bag where you can see it, or get into the habit of each time you leave a place to look back and make sure you have everything.
If he has a zipped pocket. Put the oyster card in there. If he loses it again I would make him contribute to replacement and I wouldn't lend a spare. I would give him money to get a ticket instead.

On a side note I thought you could just use any contact less card for oyster and it works the same? If they accept Mastercard my kids have hyperjar which is free and you can add money or move it back to other jars instantly so not the same as a bank account. Strangely my oldest never loses his bank card or fancy phone, just other stuff like pe clothes 🤣🤣

I’m 100% sure he is being bullied! Nobody can “lose” that much stuff. There’s no doubt he’s being bullied. He will not want to admit it op. Be gentle with him when you talk to him about it.

I wouldn’t punish if he has always been a bit like this. My belongings get scattered where ever I go. I lose my most favourite and important things. Some people are just rubbish at this. Big overlap with dyspraxic people and those with adhd.

I really can/could lose that much stuff!

Is his school bag big enough to just put the PE kit into it so he does have to carry more than one bag? Can you combine cards so he doesn't have to carry more than one? Less stuff means less for him to remember.

What is his reaction to losing things? Is he remorseful or just doesn't care? That would change how you deal with it.

Ask him what will help. Some children find having a list of items printed that they can refer to useful do he can check before he leaves the train or leaves school. I would print and laminate a.lust if items and fix that to his bag/ PE bag so he has a reference list.

It's possible, but definitely not a given. My daughter is very similar to the OP's son and is SO careless with her stuff it's unbelievable and INFURIATING. She loses EVERYTHING (including her brand new Nike coat that she only had a few days and then managed to lose THREE times after it's been found the first two) but she's definitely not getting bullied. If anything, she's more the type to do the bullying 🤦‍♀️as she's this popular "cool" girl. Some kids are just totally careless with their stuff

Please google inattentive adhd - it’s more common in children born as girls but children born as boys have it.
people think adhd is hyperactive behaviour - it can also be hyperactive mind. I have inattentive adhd - it’s a bit like when you have been driving for a while and your brain starts thinking and your hands go on autopilot moving the wheel, indicating etc without you remembering. With inattentive adhd we don’t register our possessions sometimes - our hands put something down but our mind is elsewhere so our mind thinking of something else so it has not registered where we left the item. Literally no memory of the location or sometimes the item.
I lose things at home but I never lose things outside the house as I am hyper vigilant to losing things outside the house.
the best thing you can do is identify one item like his Oyster card he really can’t lose. Where is it’s home? Decide together a place he needs to airways keep it. Don’t make it complicated we forget something if it’s more than one step. A top pocket on a school bag is ideal. Tell him if he can remember to put this back in this exact place each day for a week you will reward him. But it has to be the same exact place so his hands will build up muscle memory and do this automatically even if his brain wanders. Once successful start on other items one at a time. They most all have a ‘home’ that is simple for his hands to remeber

My DS was like this at the start of Y7. He is now Y9 and much better. I agree with PP that punishing isn't really the answer if it is caused by adjustment to a very different environment coupled with a generally absent minded temperament. My DS improved with maturity. It gets better!

Re the zip oyster card - I always label them with phone number and address

While waiting for a replacement zip card you can use a regular oyster card and get a member of station staff to add the young visitor discount to it.

tfl.gov.uk/travel-information/visiting-london/visitor-oyster-card#on-this-page-7

I have had some stuff back via the bus depots or lost property in Victoria so it's always worth reporting it lost and calling the depots

Punch a hole in his oyster xard and attach it to his blazer pocket with one of these
www.amazon.co.uk/Bulk-Hardware-BH03474-Plastic-Spiral/dp/B019H1ZQCY/ref=asc_df_B019H1ZQCY/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=239850852396&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11162720797091815103&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046645&hvtargid=pla-425540595092&psc=1

The school bag is massive but My DH has insisted we get the school duffel bag for PE which I was so scared that he would also use!

Starting secondary school is a big change with so many things to think about all the time.i was always losing things,all the time and remember feeling so grateful that my parents were so understanding

We told ds he had to replace any lost uniform himself. After spending £15 of his pocket money on a tie he was more careful.

If my DS comes home without something, I make him walk back to the school to get it straight away. He doesn't like it because he loses some of his evening, so it is a rare occurrence.

However, his school has boarders so it is open all evening. I'm not sure whether this would work with a day school.

That amount of stuff does not just go missing from a child any child by loss alone. Your child’s stuff is being stolen on what seems like a regular basis either with or without his knowledge. I’d be flagging this up with the school if I were you. After all you probably don’t have the resources to keep constantly replacing things do you?

Check with the relevant lost property people. If Nothing this week keep trying as it take a while to show up. He can check at school weekly or something. Absolutely do not not give him any christmas presents. If you have to scale back due to lack of money then fine but don't make it a punishment or link it to him losing stuff. He is still a child. Christmas presents are a gesture of your unconditional love for him. if you want to then cut back his pocket money for a bit or make him go without his trousers for a while.