Wedding- wth?

[AutumnColour89]

Just looking for some advice here;
One of my husband's best friends is getting married in mid-November, he was in Portugal for the stag do last weekend. However, as yet, we have still received no invite. AIBU to think this is incredibly rude?
Apparently several people brought it up on the stag so it seems they just generally haven't bothered sending invitations. The only snips of information we've had a from their stag WhatsApp chat.
Most people (us included) will need to travel and book a hotel for two nights. As there's no accommodation at the place the wedding is (apparently) being held so we'd also have to book taxis, so we need to know what time they want us seated for the ceremony and what time the evening do finishes.
We've also been told it's (again apparently) 'black tie' dress code, which neither of us are familiar with particularly not for a wedding, so we would need to hire a tux for him and a dress for me.
I am reluctant to invest money in dresses, hotel rooms, gifts etc until we know the details for sure, but by then it could be too late to arrange anything.

Just assume you're not invited

Sounds to me like none of you are invited tbh

The wedding is not abroad, the Stag was. I’d have expected an invitation around 2 months out (with full details) and a Save The Date 6 months of so in advance (roughly).

I don’t get why your husband can’t just ask?

Who said the wedding is abroad? The stag do was in Portugal, not the wedding.

I would absolutely not ask anything about it. Then when they leave it very late, use the fact that it’s too late to book everything as a perfect reason not to go.

6 weeks I think. I'm not saying it should be that now, but traditionally it was 6 weeks.

Sounds a lucky escape!

Not sure about other cultures, but I’m Indian and invites are typically sent out 6 months to a year in advance! Pretty rude to leave it so late

Surely though it was 6 weeks notice when most guests were local.

Nowadays most people don't have local weddings. And often a save the date doesn't lead to a wedding invite (or you just get an evening invite and really don't want to travel miles just for that)

Yep, when people were local and weddings weren’t the circus they can be nowadays!

It can stretch to a suit but ideally a bow tie should be worn. Definitely no need to rent a tux though.

For women ideally full-length dress but no need for great expenses. Something from the occasionwear section in M&S will suffice.

I also think you may not be invited. Dh has been on one or two stags, where he wasn’t invited to the wedding. Odd, I know. But I imagine he is considered fun but out of the price range to include us in the wedding plans.

I would assume either, you're not invited, they are disorganised, or they are old-fashioned or American and thus more likely to believe that sending invitations 6 weeks in advance is still acceptable (I strongly disagree with this but have given up arguing about it online).

Surely you can just ask them to find out which it is and act accordingly?

Fwiw it would drive me insane. And I'd go in a normal suit.

I don't necessarily think it's rude, it's badly organised and a recipe for disaster but it isn't rude.

This. You’ve got the perfect excuse not to go.

Withthe posta strikes,if you are expecting a postal invitation you might have quite a wait to receive it

So you’ve had a ‘save the date’?

"I am reluctant to invest money in dresses, hotel rooms, gifts etc until we know the details for sure, but by then it could be too late to arrange anything."
I would not spend any money until I had received the invite - because they might not be inviting me. And if I received it too late to book hotels/taxis and hire outfits, I would be declining the invite.

If they can't be arsed, why should I?

I should say you're not going to be invited.
The black tie wedding (LOL) will be for wealthy relatives only.

People send out invites crazy early now a days, traditionally they only go out 6-8 weeks before the wedding.

Several weddings I attended where booked with less than a month from giving notice/booking until wedding day so I dont find it that wierd to get a invite 3-4 weeks before the day.

You clearly have the details so I dont know what more you need, yes a black tie you would maybe expect a formal invite but a casual invite over wattsapp is still an invite.

You're either not invited or on a reserve list
Personally I wouldn't be worrying about dresses/hotels at this late stage. If you do eventually get an invite politely decline

I certainly wouldn't be asking

It would be nice to know sooner but not necessary really. It sounds like you know the date so you’re available. You know the dress code so you could sort out what you’re wearing. If you know the venue, I presume it’s been mentioned in conversation, you can book a hotel. The only thing you probably don’t know for sure is timings of the day but it’s not like you’re going to book a car weeks in advance. So I don’t think it’s an issue really as you have the details, just not written on a pretty invite through the post.

It's perfectly notmal, pretty much EVERY wedding I have been too in the last 20 years has still done this as did I.

Whats bizaare is people online moaning they sent invites out 6-8 MONTHS in advance and they got no RSVPs back, of course they havent most forget, people often cant lock in book time off that far in advance and lots people cant fully 'concrete' commit 8 months in advance (I mean for example even if they havent POAS yet by 8 months time someone could be in labour lol).

But they don't know they have been invited so probably loathe to spend anything non refundable (Ie hotel or train) until they 100% know they are invited (and invited for whole day not just evening)

I’d assume I wasn’t invited and if it wasn’t one of my closest friends I wouldn’t ask or push for an invite.

If dress codes and accommodation is going to be part of the wedding for guests then I’d expect to be invited and informed at least a year in advance.

It is normal, not nowadays.