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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Funny comment made at work

64 replies

Fridaynights · 07/10/2022 20:31

Hi everyone..

I work in an office with a small team and we all get on 99% of the time. There is one lady in particular who started a few months ago. I don't think she likes me very much (has never been said as far as I'm aware but I can just sense it) which is fine as I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but I honestly have no idea why as I've never done or said anything nasty towards her. I've always been polite, tried to help her, included her in conversations etc, however she always seems really dismissive towards me. I find her so patronising at times. She is young, early 20's (not that it should make a difference, for context I'm only 29) but everyone jokes that she's very blasé, care-free and saids whatever she wants without thinking. She saids this herself too btw.

She's snapped at me a couple of times and I've always bit my tongue as I don’t want to be the reason why there's an atmosphere in work. I feel like I walk on egg shells with her and any time I make a joke she goes on the defence or the conversation turns into a heated debate, even though she takes the mickey out of me all the time and I just take it on the chin, even if the jokes are not in good spirit. She’s not like this with anyone else, just me. I've let it go so many times as I hate confrontation. I just want to go in, do my job and come home but today she made a comment which really upset me. She brought in some biscuits, it was early and I'd just made a tea round. She offered everyone one and I was the only who said yes which is when she turned around and said "of course you would say yes “fridaynights" and sort of sniggered and turned away. I didn’t say anything and just carried on with my work but it’s been playing on my mind all day.

I don’t know what she meant by that. There’s been plenty of times where others have had snacks and I’ve said no. I am overweight, a size 16 to be exact but I have been trying to lose weight recently. Not that I talk about it 24/7 or shove it in peoples faces, it’s just that everyone in there talks about healthy eating/exercise now and again so it’s come up in conversation a couple of times. I don’t care what she thinks about me so I’m not sure why it’s upset me so much but I came home and had a cry about it. I’ve not told anyone how I’m feeling or that she’s upset me quite a few times, my boss wouldn’t care anyway as she doesn’t get involved in any of the office dramas. I get on really well with the rest of this team, it's just this one lady. Maybe I’m just being sensitive, it is the time of the month.

AIBU? Would you be upset?

OP posts:
Thenightcircus · 07/10/2022 20:33

Maybe she thinks you're trying too hard to be her friend? 😕

RIPQueen · 07/10/2022 20:33

Yes, that’s obviously a dig at your weight and it’s horrible!

Worthyornot · 07/10/2022 20:42

She sounds horrible. You should have asked her what she meant in front of everyone. It was nasty and I'm sure others would have seen this too.

Original poster
Fridaynights · 07/10/2022 20:44

Possibly @Thenightcircus 🤔 I wouldn't rule it out but it's definitely not the case. I'm married with two kids so definitely not bothered about making extra friends. It just would be nice if I could get on with the people that I have to work with 40 hours, 5 days a week. She's always nice to me whenever our supervisor isn't in, but that's probably because she needs help with something!

OP posts:
5128gap · 07/10/2022 20:47

She's a nasty piece of work who has made a personality our of 'saying what she thinks' because being rude gets her attention.
You're her target because she's senses you are conflict avoidance and therefore its easy to get away with.
You need to toughen up with her. Speak to her when necessary, otherwise ignore her.
If she's rude to you, just say calmly and coldly 'please don't speak to me like that'. Never show her she's upset you.

Thenightcircus · 07/10/2022 20:53

She sounds horrible either way :( I'm so sorry you have to work with someone like that. X

LemonPledge555 · 07/10/2022 21:27

I think she sounds like a total dick.

Jibbajabba1 · 07/10/2022 21:34

She sounds like a passive aggressive bully. You don’t deserve to be spoken to like that 💐

BashfulClam · 07/10/2022 21:35

I would have just dropped her biscuit like a hot brick. Just be civil to her, talk when needed and ignore her the rest of the time.

phishy · 07/10/2022 21:36

She sounds like a twat. Just ignore the bitch, no more trying to be inclusive, no moe trying to help her.

And never accept anything from her again, OP.

Jibbajabba1 · 07/10/2022 21:38

Yup next time snap back at her

CherrySocks · 07/10/2022 21:39

Strange she's nice to you when the supervisor isn't in.

She obviously has some sort of psychological issue - sibling rivalry!?

Next time you could say "What do you mean?" or "Why do you say that?"

StClare101 · 07/10/2022 21:45

5128gap · 07/10/2022 20:47

She's a nasty piece of work who has made a personality our of 'saying what she thinks' because being rude gets her attention.
You're her target because she's senses you are conflict avoidance and therefore its easy to get away with.
You need to toughen up with her. Speak to her when necessary, otherwise ignore her.
If she's rude to you, just say calmly and coldly 'please don't speak to me like that'. Never show her she's upset you.

This. Start calmly and coldly calling her out on her digs.

PuppyMonkey · 07/10/2022 21:46

everyone jokes that she's very blasé, care-free and saids whatever she wants without thinking.

sounds like everyone else hates her too.Grin

DoingJustFine · 07/10/2022 22:03

She's always nice to me whenever our supervisor isn't in

If she's the youngest in the office, are you the next youngest? I wonder if she thought she'd be the adorable youngster, then found you were already there - all popular and young and married with kids and doing life REALLY well - and it threatened her place?

She's putting you down in front of your superiors, which sounds to me like she's scrambling for importance.

You're bloody lovely. I can tell that by the way you write, and the way you've handled this up till now.

fairydust11 · 07/10/2022 22:05

She sounds awful. Do not engage with her at all, only yes or no answers & definitely NEVER accept anything from her again.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 07/10/2022 22:13

I wouldn't help her with anything at all. Let her ask someone else.

SheWentWest · 07/10/2022 22:17

If you don't like conflict a really simple way to call people like this out is to pretend you didn't hear them and ask them to repeat themselves. They rely on the shock factor of a quick sly dig and will be very reluctant to say it twice.

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 07/10/2022 22:17

She sounds awfully immature and unsure of herself.

DashboardConfessional · 07/10/2022 22:18

Make her explain. As in, for the biscuit comment, say "What do you mean?" and look puzzled. This normally makes them squirm.

GobbolinoTheWitchesCat · 07/10/2022 22:18

I would pull her to one side, in a meeting room. Say could you have a quick word..ask her calmly if there's a problem that you can resolve. Say that she's been rude and insulting and you're wondering why, it's upsetting to you and others have noticed. Tell her to stop.

I bet she's counting on not being pulled up on it.

Yanbu.

GobbolinoTheWitchesCat · 07/10/2022 22:22

GobbolinoTheWitchesCat · 07/10/2022 22:18

I would pull her to one side, in a meeting room. Say could you have a quick word..ask her calmly if there's a problem that you can resolve. Say that she's been rude and insulting and you're wondering why, it's upsetting to you and others have noticed. Tell her to stop.

I bet she's counting on not being pulled up on it.

Yanbu.

<--- this will also show her you'll take it seriously and that there will be legitimate consequences for her behaviour.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/10/2022 22:22

She sounds like a total dick, and it is disappointing and upsetting that she is getting away with it unchallenged.

Stop being nice to her, stop listening while she's talking, don't take anything from her, cease to acknowledge her existence unless you have to.

WonderingWanda · 07/10/2022 22:29

She sounds like a twat. Agree with everyone who said to call her out by asking 'What exactly do you mean twatface? Are you fat shaming me?'

MarshaMelrose · 07/10/2022 22:35

Youre not over-sensitive. She's just mean and she knows it but doesn't care. Make her care by calling her out on it. It's not you making an atmosphere, it's her. Do you have any close friends on the team who you could confide in? Maybe someone with bigger mouth than hers?