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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dh told be to turn hairdryer off now

100 replies

Mumof3lads · 07/10/2022 18:54

So, husband away all week with work. I'm home, 3 kids and dogs, work PT
with a lifelong disease, he gets home I was sounding off explaining my feelings and frustrations. He tells me can I now turn the hairdryer off. Meaning me, my voice, droning on. I've shut up, feelings hurt. Unheard and under appreciated.

OP posts:
Isthisexpected · 07/10/2022 19:46

no it’s not particularly nice. Is it worth a MN post?

^ what is worthy of a post on a support forum for mothers?

Sorry OP. I'd be hurt too. If this isn't typical I would try to come back to the original conversation another time as well as ask him what's going on for him that he behaved so rudely to you.

DazedConfusedDone · 07/10/2022 19:47

He doesn't want to hear about it in case he's asked to do something to help or make adjustments to his life at all!

Original poster
Mumof3lads · 07/10/2022 19:47

ISpyNoPlumPie · 07/10/2022 19:44

Oh that’s mean… that language reminds me of Goffman’s four horseman of the apocalypse- in particular contempt. He wants to be dismissive, put you down, mock you and just plain make you feel like crap. Sometimes my husband comes home from work, and I’ve had a rotten day with the kids and I just can’t help blurting it all out (it’s cathartic!) and I can tell he’s thinking “I haven’t even got my jacket off!” But he listens and he understands. It’s a choice to show someone you care - or not. Hopefully I show him the same. It’s sad your husband didn’t do this for you and it seems that’s been going on for a while from your subsequent posts. Sorry to hear that, that’s not nice…

Thank you. He just simply doesn't care nor can handle my inabilty to cope these days. I was always the one too shoulder everything and I simply can't anymore.

OP posts:
Hotpinkangel19 · 07/10/2022 19:48

Lorry driver by any chance?

Original poster
Mumof3lads · 07/10/2022 19:48

DazedConfusedDone · 07/10/2022 19:47

He doesn't want to hear about it in case he's asked to do something to help or make adjustments to his life at all!

This!!!!

OP posts:
DenholmElliot1 · 07/10/2022 19:49

It depends how long you were talking for. Any more than 10 minutes of off loading when a partner gets in from work is a bit much really.

Sounds like you have bigger problems though - in fact, your relationship sounds as hard as mine was (before I got a divorce - turns out working away from home allows a man LOTS of opportunities)

MarshaBradyo · 07/10/2022 19:50

That is so rude. You sound hurt, understandably

What will you do?

And btw ignore pp saying don’t post, they don’t have to read it and respond

Original poster
Mumof3lads · 07/10/2022 19:50

Hotpinkangel19 · 07/10/2022 19:48

Lorry driver by any chance?

No, far from it. Think more stays in posh hotels, meal out every night etc..

OP posts:
catandcoffee · 07/10/2022 19:52

He's tired doing what working ,probably eating in restaurants, getting room service and he's fucking tired !

Tell him you'll swap with him... then he'll know what real work is... he's a bloody dick.

Original poster
Mumof3lads · 07/10/2022 19:52

MarshaBradyo · 07/10/2022 19:50

That is so rude. You sound hurt, understandably

What will you do?

And btw ignore pp saying don’t post, they don’t have to read it and respond

Honestly, I've left before it leaves me and the children in financial difficulty..so live my life, make sure my children have all they need and stop caring so much.

OP posts:
PrincessButtercupToo · 07/10/2022 19:52

Mumof3lads · 07/10/2022 19:02

RIPQueen don't respond if you don't appreciate my feelings. I felt it was worthy of some support.

It was rude of him, but it’s also rude to unload on him when he’s just got home from work and is hoping to unwind.

Had he at least had time to get changed and have a cup of tea or a drink?

Original poster
Mumof3lads · 07/10/2022 19:53

DenholmElliot1 · 07/10/2022 19:49

It depends how long you were talking for. Any more than 10 minutes of off loading when a partner gets in from work is a bit much really.

Sounds like you have bigger problems though - in fact, your relationship sounds as hard as mine was (before I got a divorce - turns out working away from home allows a man LOTS of opportunities)

I agree. Maybe he has maybe he hasn't. I've never had any reason to doubt, he's just an arrogant self centered twat.

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 07/10/2022 19:53

His hair would be well and truly fecking dry by the time I finished. Really uncaring, disrespectful and minimising. I would love to know how he would get on doing what you have just done alone and with no support.

CuriousCatfish · 07/10/2022 19:54

Did you tell him to fuck off? I would have.

Original poster
Mumof3lads · 07/10/2022 19:54

PrincessButtercupToo · 07/10/2022 19:52

It was rude of him, but it’s also rude to unload on him when he’s just got home from work and is hoping to unwind.

Had he at least had time to get changed and have a cup of tea or a drink?

Show quote history

Read the thread in it's entirety before commenting..

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof3lads · 07/10/2022 19:54

SummerHouse · 07/10/2022 19:53

His hair would be well and truly fecking dry by the time I finished. Really uncaring, disrespectful and minimising. I would love to know how he would get on doing what you have just done alone and with no support.

This made me laugh, thank you.

OP posts:
CuriousCatfish · 07/10/2022 19:55

Mumof3lads · 07/10/2022 19:54

Read the thread in it's entirety before commenting..

Show quote history

You mean you didn't have his pipe and slippers ready? What kind of wife are you?

Original poster
Mumof3lads · 07/10/2022 19:55

CuriousCatfish · 07/10/2022 19:54

Did you tell him to fuck off? I would have.

Normally yes I would have instead I just went quiet. Sometimes simple words hurt the most.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof3lads · 07/10/2022 19:55

CuriousCatfish · 07/10/2022 19:55

You mean you didn't have his pipe and slippers ready? What kind of wife are you?

Show quote history

A shite one lol

OP posts:
Cakecakecheese · 07/10/2022 19:57

This isn't just bout the rude comment is it? It's about you not being supported in general. Are you sure you want to live like this? It's very difficult to do all the mental load and get nothing back.

Snog · 07/10/2022 20:04

It's hard if poor health is all that keeps you in the marriage.
His behaviour is rude, unsupportive and minimising. A really shit example for his dc.

diddl · 07/10/2022 20:05

Mumof3lads · 07/10/2022 19:05

No been home 6 hours, I'm the time I'd collected the youngest, prepped and cooked tea. Loaded the washer, fed the dogs, showered etc.

Could he have done an of that?

And if so, why didn't he?

PrincessButtercupToo · 07/10/2022 20:09

Mumof3lads · 07/10/2022 19:54

Read the thread in it's entirety before commenting..

Show quote history

I can see why he told you to zip it if this is how you think it’s acceptable to speak to people.

Herejustforthisone · 07/10/2022 20:12

RIPQueen · 07/10/2022 18:58

Ffs what’s with all this posts about fairly trivial domestic arguments

no it’s not particularly nice. Is it worth a MN post?

there have been so many of these recently

You and the husband would make a good pair. Both making damn sure the OP doesn’t feel heard. Go you.

PrincessButtercupToo · 07/10/2022 20:13

Herejustforthisone · 07/10/2022 20:12

You and the husband would make a good pair. Both making damn sure the OP doesn’t feel heard. Go you.

Show quote history

She’s giving the impression that she’s heard most of the time but rarely listens.