Dh told be to turn hairdryer off now

[Mumof3lads]

So, husband away all week with work. I'm home, 3 kids and dogs, work PT
with a lifelong disease, he gets home I was sounding off explaining my feelings and frustrations. He tells me can I now turn the hairdryer off. Meaning me, my voice, droning on. I've shut up, feelings hurt. Unheard and under appreciated.

[Mumof3lads]

Cakecakecheese yes every night with regards to his work, which is stressful. I totally do all the home and mental load. I just felt it was dismissive of my role and feelings. I've not argued just gone quiet.

[missmamiecuddleduck]

It sounds like you're fed up doing everything while he is away.

Is there a chance that it won't always be like that. as in him working away?

[Mumof3lads]

girlmum21 not trying to make myself sound perfect but nowhere was I raising my voice, I was literally saying it's been a tough week, had to choose between 2 of my children and their very important educational events, it left me feeling guilty. That along with fainting at work due to exhaustion.

[Mumof3lads]

@missmamiecuddleduck

It sounds like you're fed up doing everything while he is away.

Is there a chance that it won't always be like that. as in him working away?

It's always been like this, just Joe I've a lifelong illness so I'm struggling more than normal.

[GloriousGlory]

@Mumof3lads

Gloriousglory this made me chuckle, nope. Hates football. Just selfish.

I'm glad it made you chuckle and you got my joke!

Go for a bath with a large glass of wine, let him
deal with kids.... and lock the door!

[Fairislefandango]

Why are posters assuming he'd just walked through the door? And assuming the OP would be feeling unheard and unappreciated if this were an isolated incident? And ignoring the dismissive language he used to shut the OP down? Do you think the OP would be posting about this 'trivial domestic argument ' if her dh were normally respectful and kind? I don't.

[Mumof3lads]

@GloriousGlory

I'm glad it made you chuckle and you got my joke!

Go for a bath with a large glass of wine, let him
deal with kids.... and lock the door!

Thank you. Your right. Deep breath and carry on x

[StopStartStop]

Thread police out again, are they?

I'm sorry, OP. You needed support when your husband came home and he didn't give it. He might have been tired but you needed him.

[GloriousGlory]

@Mumof3lads exactly, hopefully you've got ear phones, so you can't hear anything? Or a very loud radio?

[Mumof3lads]

@Fairislefandango

Why are posters assuming he'd just walked through the door? And assuming the OP would be feeling unheard and unappreciated if this were an isolated incident? And ignoring the dismissive language he used to shut the OP down? Do you think the OP would be posting about this 'trivial domestic argument ' if her dh were normally respectful and kind? I don't.

Thank you. It's regular.. I found his language patronising and minimising of my feelings

[Mumof3lads]

@StopStartStop

Thread police out again, are they?

I'm sorry, OP. You needed support when your husband came home and he didn't give it. He might have been tired but you needed him.

Xx

[DysmalRadius]

Tbh, even if he had just walked through the door, you've obviously had a really tough week and he should at least be able to say 'that sounds shit - shall we talk about it once the kids are in bed?' rather than acting as though he has the right to ignore the difficult side of parenting just because he's been away.

The most generous interpretation is that maybe he feels guilty because presumably if he were not working away there would have been enough parents to go round? Not that that excuses his dismissive attitude, though.

[NomeatNoveg]

People don't post here for your entertainment. You do know that don't you.

[Mumof3lads]

@DysmalRadius

Tbh, even if he had just walked through the door, you've obviously had a really tough week and he should at least be able to say 'that sounds shit - shall we talk about it once the kids are in bed?' rather than acting as though he has the right to ignore the difficult side of parenting just because he's been away.

The most generous interpretation is that maybe he feels guilty because presumably if he were not working away there would have been enough parents to go round? Not that that excuses his dismissive attitude, though.

He doesn't feel guilty, it's all he's ever known for 30yrs, he just can't be arsed with me. It's simple really. I need to wise up.

[Mumof3lads]

@NomeatNoveg

People don't post here for your entertainment. You do know that don't you.

This. My first ever post, though longtime lurker. It matters to me even if it doesn't to others. Just pass by if you feel no compassion.

[SleepingStandingUp]

You're passing out with a exhaustion, you need to get to THE GO and look at being signed off short term, and telling him if he doesn't start listening you'll be quitting permanently. That'll make him pay attention.

But I think you also need to think about how your life would be if he wasn't coming home to you every weekend

[Mumwithbaggage]

I had this for years - was at home with 3 then 4 children while he spent his weeks in 5 star hotels. Friday evenings were always tetchy. Worst one? He phoned up to tell me Robbie Williams was in the bar of his hotel so it was a lock in but with free drinks to make up for it. I hung up, He later phoned me to say Kiri te Kanawa had come in to give Robbie a kiss. I hung up again. Hadn't even managed to get dressed that day.

I absolutely get it.

[MagnoliatheMagnificent]

My ex used to say 'I'm not actually very interested' when I wanted to talk about things. Made me feel very angry!

[Mumof3lads]

@SleepingStandingUp

You're passing out with a exhaustion, you need to get to THE GO and look at being signed off short term, and telling him if he doesn't start listening you'll be quitting permanently. That'll make him pay attention.

But I think you also need to think about how your life would be if he wasn't coming home to you every weekend

I've been there, easier in some respects me and the kids tick along nicely. Signed off.. I want to keep going for my own mental health as long as possible, it keeps me sane. He just doesn't appreciate what I do, I'm not asking for thanks, just a little consideration. My youngest won't be young forever nor will I be tied.

[Mumof3lads]

@Mumwithbaggage

I had this for years - was at home with 3 then 4 children while he spent his weeks in 5 star hotels. Friday evenings were always tetchy. Worst one? He phoned up to tell me Robbie Williams was in the bar of his hotel so it was a lock in but with free drinks to make up for it. I hung up, He later phoned me to say Kiri te Kanawa had come in to give Robbie a kiss. I hung up again. Hadn't even managed to get dressed that day.

I absolutely get it.

I had almost similar a few nights ago. Won't say who the famous person was in the restaurant as it's too outing but you get my situation.

[astarsheis]

Sounds like my life...we order a take-away, crack open a bottle and then 'download' to each other whilst the kids are watching a film and tacking in to pizza.
DH has worked away for months on end and it's hard on all of us. I work full-time.
Best decision for us ...got a cleaner and no pets!

[Mumof3lads]

@MagnoliatheMagnificent

My ex used to say 'I'm not actually very interested' when I wanted to talk about things. Made me feel very angry!

I'm sorry to hear this, it's the worst. Makes you feel less than, hard to explain.

[SpidersAreShitheads]

What's your lifelong illness that you're suffering from? Not asking to be nosey, but it could be relevant. It's a bit of a vague term that could either mean there's a huge impact on your quality of life, or something that makes very little difference.

And is your DH away with work all week, every week?

[ISpyNoPlumPie]

Oh that’s mean… that language reminds me of Goffman’s four horseman of the apocalypse- in particular contempt. He wants to be dismissive, put you down, mock you and just plain make you feel like crap. Sometimes my husband comes home from work, and I’ve had a rotten day with the kids and I just can’t help blurting it all out (it’s cathartic!) and I can tell he’s thinking “I haven’t even got my jacket off!” But he listens and he understands. It’s a choice to show someone you care - or not. Hopefully I show him the same. It’s sad your husband didn’t do this for you and it seems that’s been going on for a while from your subsequent posts. Sorry to hear that, that’s not nice…

[Mumof3lads]

@SpidersAreShitheads

What's your lifelong illness that you're suffering from? Not asking to be nosey, but it could be relevant. It's a bit of a vague term that could either mean there's a huge impact on your quality of life, or something that makes very little difference.

And is your DH away with work all week, every week?

Yes away 90% of the time. I really don't want too say other than I could if wanted too claim disability and never work again. It's something that can't be cured, it's life changing and affects me greatly on a day to day basis.