To wonder what age toddlers stop hitting biting etc?

[Downonthefarrrm]

Just that really …

@Downonthefarrrm

He really wouldn’t @converseandjeans

I think DS was on the naughty step when he was around 12 months! Only for a really short time obviously.

DC1 only bit twice but hitting and kicking with epic tantrums went on till 3.5. DC2 is 16 months and bites so often it's driving me crazy. The only suggestion I have had is to bite her back....which I am not willing to do. I'm sorry I can't say when it ends but yes it does happen and as with all things I guess it's just a (horrid) phase!

It’s been a complete shock to be honest. The biting back advice is awful though.

Im just so worried I’ll overhear someone call him a little shit, or worse, someday.

2 or under generally do this if frustrated or emotions get too much it's a difficult thing for them to express.

We found reading feelings books and also teaching the signs for frustrated/grumpy/sad etc helped nip it in the bud as he was then able to express himself helped a lot and nipped it in the bud.

Our three year old just started school nursery, is v young and tiny in the group and struggling, turned into a demon biter overnight.

We're working hard on it and he is making some progress, but we had to go through the worst first. He realised it got him attention and doubled down. The nursery were good and just said that some kids take longer to understand that they are hurting others. Don't panic imho, just forge through, apologise plenty and drink wine when you get them into bed.

None of mine ever bit or hit, I have to say. We had big strops though particularly from the littlest-she used to follow us round the house when she was cross and put her hands on her hip and very deliberately stamp her foot and growl!

If you’ve spoken to nursery and they say it’s common, I’d have another chat and ask them what they’ve found helps in their experience-they might have some good tips.

My 3yo hits, a lot. We've recently discovered (after 2 years of ear infections) that he has glue ear and is profoundly deaf in one ear. He hits if you come up on his deaf side and scare him or if there's room much background noise for him to understand what's going on. His communication has come on massively over the summer which is helping so much.

We've done being stern, naughty step, hands are not for hitting, books, repeating kind hands until I'm blue in the face, try hitting a pillow when you feel cross, take deep breaths. I suspect what we needed was patience, love, time away from sanctimonious parents who regularly declare "mine never hit, perhaps you should try being stern?" hearing aids and grommets.

Be kind to yourself. It's hard but it does pass as communication and understanding increase and if and when any underlying needs are identified and addressed.

@Stegosaurusesrock I’m actually a bit emotional reading your post

being stern just made it worse. Gently taking his hands and ‘no love, she’s just looking’ is so much more effective. But it’s the way I can’t relax around other children.

DD went through a short phase of attacking other children at nursery - only a few weeks, but there were several incidences in that time, unprovoked. Mainly hitting with toys. She was disciplined and hasn’t done it since, that was about 6 months ago maybe more (she’s just turned 3). She’s never bitten anyone to my knowledge.

I recommend the book , Toddler Taming. It has a lot of good strategies to cope with toddlers.

What?! Kids, all kids, can be little shits, and it’s very normal for ages 1-3 to hit/bite etc, despite what some of these Internet Supermums say. The most aggressive age group in humans isn’t teenage boys, it’s 2 year olds. The issue is when they are still doing it beyond 3ish. You’ve got plenty of time to work on his behaviour. I’ve got no idea why it would mean autism unless other symptoms.

Oh yes and I had the ‘mine never hit’ responses at the time, which just made me want to respond 🖕🏻.

DD1 bit dd2 occasionally until about age 8. Went through a phase as a toddler of
Biting other children, but that only lasted a few months.

Oh I know. Hypervigilance is how DH describes it. And to be honest shielding, lockdowns and covid meant it wasn't a problem anyone else saw till this time last year. But it's so hard and exhausting. Part of what I've done is (out of cowardice) go to playgrounds early and keep both eyes on him if we're at soft play or anything.

Our health visitor (who I sobbed at) said she's seeing a lot of it in her Lockdown babies and toddlers - their socialisation has been massively interrupted and it's coming out in all sorts of ways

From my experience, be kind, be gentle with yourself and your toddler. If he's struggling to communicate how he's feeling you can make up little pictures with happy/ sad/ frightened/ cross for them to point at. And give them time. It's a season. And maybe get his hearing checked?

His hearing seems OK - it’s interesting you say that as he has had glue ear and been under an ENT for it but hearing has been tested.

It seemed to be getting better, and I was so happy. Then today he was awful I managed to intercept every attempted hit but it’s horrible. Feel like I’m being so judged, and let’s be honest, I probably am!

Hi op, childminder here. All sounds like pretty normal behaviour for a toddler to me! How I deal with it is by playing turn taking games every day and really over the top praise them all for good waiting , sharing, turn taking, etc. Obviously when they hit say no firmly and "ow poor child rubbing area that they hit "let's use kind hands and share" etc. Takes time but they get there eventually.

Glue ear you say? Changes in behaviour and more challenging behaviour often go along with glue ear. And before anyone declares "my perfect little angel had glue ear and was so gentle and kind" that's great, for you. But it's incredibly common for that not to be the experience.

www.ndcs.org.uk/information-and-support/childhood-deafness/causes-of-deafness/glue-ear/

Ohhh the people who are judging you, will judge you over anything so try not to even think about their opinion.

Continue as you are and ensuring you are intercepting any acts of hitting and being consistent. People may not be judging but will obviously move their child away and give a wide berth until it passes.

Does he hit you when you are playing and something happens he doesn't like ?

My eldest wasn't a hitter. Never did anything like that.

My youngest... push, bite, hit, throw toys, kick... all of it. Anyone. Adult or child. If frustrated. It's really really difficult. Speech is great so it isn't that.

When my eldest was younger the kids who did this had grown out of it by the time they started school nursery, pretty much.

You have my sympathy. I'm that other mum in the playground hoping no one gets too close to her kid for fear they will do something

The amount of times I had to explain that my first was a lot younger than they look. I will have this problem again with my youngest as they are already big for their age.

Ds doesn’t hit me, now. He used to. I would just say, no, don’t hit and try to verbalise the emotion (I read that advice online) so I know you want to play with your toys but you can later.

He understands a bit better now.

he’s been fine at nursery for the last few weeks but today he was very grouchy.

I am not entirely sure what the point of the thread is if you didn't want advice. You're just being dismissive of anyone who doesn't say 'it'll be fine'.

I simply told you what worked for me.

Yes, I would judge any parent who doesn't introduce boundries for their children... however, i would NOT judge how they implemented those boundries. If a gentler approach works better for you and your child then brilliant. As long as you are reacting in a way that makes it clear that its not okay and you are consistent with that reaction then they will be fine and they will grow out of it.

Violence is the one area where I do have a no BS approach with my kids. But my middle child has the most horrendous tantrums and we're about a year into them and its hell. But in that context patience and cuddles are much more effective than a 'sterner' approach. I don't have a solution and I certainly don't think I am a perfect parent, in fact quite the opposite.

You and the other posters quoting my 'stern' is just as judgemental as you're accusing others of being.

But while I'm here, I also agree with the feelings books. We have had loads and they definitely help them identify how they feel. Even now my 3.5 year old likes to change the pictures on his mood board to show he's sad or angry.

None of mine have been hitters, but no.4 was a biter for a bit there…always at nursery, absolute stressful nightmare- they were starting to suggest they wouldn’t be able to keep him if it carried on. Fortunately, before it got that far, they decided to analyse when it happened - and it was always when he was bored. So they worked really hard to keep him busy, and it stopped. And then his speech really came on, and they gradually stopped needing to watch him like hawks…🙈

Interestingly, he had glue ear too. Never knew that might be a factor! He is also my absolute most sweetest natured child, and very very naturally obedient (came as quite the shock to me! 🤣) so it’s nothing to do with being “naughty” in my experience.

To be honest I didn’t even register the stern comment as coming from you.

You may think a thread devoid of advice is pointless. It isn’t, especially when that advice comes unprompted and tb totally h, is unwanted.

I really don’t need or want advice from those who say incredulously ‘this is a thing?’ Thanks. I really don’t need that at all.

I think you are looking for judgement and it helped me no end to stop doing that.
They might be thinking oh yes I remember when mine did that .
I just didnt look at or pay any attention to those around me, just concentrated on my DC.
I avoided busy, crowded places like soft play or groups for a while.
Go out with an understanding friend instead.
Lots of space, park and running around.
It will pass