To wonder what age toddlers stop hitting biting etc?

[Downonthefarrrm]

Just that really …

I had a 15 month old when my 2nd was born. She was just hitting this stage as he got more mobile (and thus more annoying). We used the thinking step from age 2 and ut worked a charm. To this day (now 5 & 3.5 plus we have a 1 year old) the thinking step is kept fairly exclusively for hurting someone else. They very occasionally lose their temper and lash out... but it is very rare and when it does happen I often find them on the thinking step before I've had a chance to intervene.

So for me it didn't happen by chance or by age. Consistency is critical and in my opinion violence or dangerous acts need a strong and stern response from day 1 and evey single time afterwards.

(My youngest is 15 months, I may yet eat my words and end up with a biter).

It’s actually the up against bit I was confused about it as not really sure what you mean that.

My comment was truthful, I wouldn’t be worried at an under 2 doing this as assume it’s relatively common and a development thing, but by 2 they’re able to communicate and have an understanding of themselves and others so I would be worried at them doing it after around 2 years. It was actually one of the things asked about in the 2 years health visitor review we’ve just had. You haven’t said what age your DC is so no idea of this applies to yours or not.

Mines is 2.5 and is a bit of a hitter - not at nursery but if we’re at the park and he’s playing with something and someone else wants to use it then he will attempt a little
shove. I’ll preempt it to stop him but it is frustrating and can be embarrassing as he’s very big for his age so other mums assume he is older. It’s very normal so I know it will pass, bit surprised at some of the responses on this thread…

I can’t remember but my DD definitely did both - she’s 14.5 now and a dream teen! So don’t panic, despite what you’re reading it’s even common. DD used to have the most epic tantrums, my mum used to say there must be something wrong with her. She laughs when we tell her as she’s absolutely not the tantrum type now at all!

DS is 21 months.

He wouldn’t understand a naughty step or time out or anything like that.

Nursery say it is very common as well.

Have they started nursery? My DS is 3.5 now, tantrums started not long after 18 months, biting started at 2, to my knowledge he done that 3 times over the space of a week. It seemed like an experiment as he bit himself on the arm once (not hard) but that stopped him. One week after starting nursery he started nutting the floor, it was horrible as I couldn't always get to him in time to stop it. That lasted a couple of weeks but felt like months. The nursery staff said he actually continued it longer in there. That made me think he was copying, as they also said it was a phase 'many' went through.
Went back to nursery last month and he hit me last week, it wasn't in an aggressive way but he was told off. That's the first time he's done it.
So, you see why I'm asking about nursery. If DC is seeing this, they may be copying.
I don't have enough experience to give you advice really, just wanted to show some support with no judgement.
If you are concerned, and DC is at nursery, discuss it with them. Mine are very helpful. You could also speak with HV, I know they're stretched here at the minute but they could maybe put your mind at rest and point in you in the direction of more info.

At 21 months I would say not to worry too much about it then, he’s still young and learning but you should obviously make it clear that it’s unacceptable when he does it.

My DD is an adult now but I saw a post years ago that said something along the lines of nice children can bite. I think some children go through a phase of biting but often it is down to frustration and being unable to communicate what they want. I'm sure others can give practical help but once their speech improves the biting stops, so around 3.

Echoing this.

I was so pleased PFB ‘wasn’t a biter’ and then he bit another child’s face at nursery! He also didn’t really go through a hitting phase UNTIL recently (last few months) he’s started lashing out at me and DH (not actually aggressively, it’s more like a frustrated pat tbh) when he feels overwhelmed. It’s a fight or flight response. ‘Punishing’ him or telling him over and over that we don’t hit isn’t going to fix it magically. We’re trying to build resilience, get him to understand his feelings better etc. but it’s a slow and frustrating process (suspect ASD).

DD is just a bit of a whirlwind. She’s almost 2 and very much at the grabbing/hitting/occasionally biting for a reaction stage. I suspect as her language develops more, it will get easier for her.

I would say it depends how you deal with it

Thanks. I do appreciate the non judgemental replies, I really do. I honestly feel like the worst parent out there and am so worried about getting these attitudes in the wild so to speak: that I’m not dealing with it properly, people avoiding us, people talking about us. It’s horrible.

We haven’t seen the HV since DS was just a few weeks old.

Nursery is a trigger for biting but he’s terrible for hitting other kids when he’s with me.

Mine (3) is biting at the moment creche has said its normal and will pass but it is worrying as a mum when it seems to have no end

I will admit that I would avoid a child doing this out and about, not because I would be angry at the kid but because I wouldn’t want my DD to get hurt. However I think the most important thing is your reaction to it, if you are seen to be doing something about it and making sure you tell your DC it is wrong then people will be a lot less judgemental than if you minimise it.

@Downonthefarrrm you're not the worst at all! If you were DC would be smashing up the house, smacking kids and head butting a wall while you had a good laugh. But you're posting on here for advice, that takes balls.
I know the perfect people who like to stare at you when you're out, if your child dares so much as fucking whimper. Just apologise to them, explain not everyone was perfect like you dear. Then carry on. Or give them the finger, both work equally well.
I remember getting death stares in McDonald's of all places because DS kept dropping book on floor and getting me to pick up, was a game for him, he'd pretend cry until I passed it back. I just looked at her and said if you want a quiet coffee then fuck of to costas.
I will say DS is suspected ASD but I'm not suggesting your child is.
If there's a tantrum in the shop I try distracting, as soon as we enter 'look at the list, the first thing we need is milk, let's find the milk, where is it? That's not milk it's juice! You like juice don't you?' Constant, all the way through. Same with bus journeys, walks, everything. I find if I talk about what I'm doing, what's around us etc he concentrates more on that and it's working well so far. I take toys and books too.
You'll find it gets easier, you learn how to respond, what works best and it gets better once they learn to communicate.
I bet you're doing a great job

Two of mine have never really hit or bit.
One of mine however would lash out in anger until he was 7. I was beside myself, regularly cried myself to sleep over it, not helped by mumsnetters telling me I needed to nip in the bud (I was obviously trying!) Or he would be punching me once he was a teenager and would have no friends.
Well, he is the most delightful teenager you could wish to meet. Has had glowing school reports every year re his behaviour. He is so kind and helpful with his younger siblings. He has an academic scholarship for a private school. Has lots of lovely friends.
He struggled with emotional regulation when younger, some children just find this harder.

I don’t think he has autism - it’s a worry when people say that this seems to happen in children with autism.

His first reaction is to hit it another child tries to take something of his or he’s playing with. People really don’t need to spend several paragraphs explaining they would avoid us! I hate it, it really upsets me.

My son is a bit of a biter and I had been known to bite objects in frustration when I was a toddler.

In possibly THE most middle class sentence on Mumsnet, I once bit the side of our piano when I couldn’t play something properly.

Son is 3 and one month and still bites when very worked up - particularly when tired or hungry. We have ZT from the start always on it but sometimes it’s just in the character of the child I think. Hoping it’ll stop completely once his language really flourishes.

Touch wood I haven’t had any biting complaints for over a month <crosses fingers> but the hitting is a concern.

He wouldn’t understand a naughty step or time out or anything like that.

I think he would understand a naughty step.

Might he cope better with a childminder? He might just not cope with lots going on. A smaller setting might suit him better?

It's really common, some very stereotypical MN responses here 😂

DD went through a pushing/hitting phase when she was the oldest in the baby room, it seems to have passed not that she's moved up a room (touch wood!!!).

So far no biting but she been the victim plenty of times at nursery so I know it's common.

It will pass.

He really wouldn’t @converseandjeans .

Thanks, @DinosaurPyjamas . DS has also been the victim, which is so much easier.

Also maybe he could do with something to help him get used to queuing up & sharing - so gymnastics or toddler footie.

If you want to steer clear of naughty steps etc then have a look at Janet Lansbury books, or Big Little Feelings on Instagram - both focus on holding boundaries without punishing or shaming.

My cousin was a biter, she used to bite me until about age 4. I think her mum bitting her is what stopped it. Not that I’m advocating that of course.

how’s his communication in general? please don’t focus on possible autism, my son is autistic and has never bitten anything, everyone is different neurotypical or not.