Wedding dress and SIL/DM

[Bridetobe9]

Fully prepared to be told I’m being ridiculous!

Im getting married soonish and earlier this year went wedding dress shopping. I don’t like a lot of fuss so just took my mum. Found a dress and bought it, all good.

A few weeks ago SIL and DB also got married. I know my Mum had gone with SIL to choose her dress as well. What I was not expecting was for her dress to be near identical to mine!!

I’m pretty annoyed that she didn’t say anything when I was choosing my dress as I wouldn’t have picked it. My wedding day is getting closer and I can’t work out if I’m being ridiculous or not. It’s so expensive to change but I don’t want to wear it now. AIBU about wearing the dress and AIBU to think my mum could have said something!

I get what you are saying OP but I imagine your DM saw you in your dress at the bridal shop and thought you looked beautiful and that you we’re obviously very happy with the dress , she probably couldn’t even remember your SIL’s one that was chosen 6 months before.
They do all look the same (not to the bride who thinks their one is unique), wedding dresses follow trends and you tend to see lots of similar dresses for a few years and then the style changes.

She probably forgot what it looked like. I would have. I know it seems like a massive deal but honestly, no one actually remembers other people’s wedding dresses.

I have been to three weddings this year and I honestly couldn't tell you anything about the dresses.

They all look the same.

Enjoy your day.

I actually agree with you OP. Whilst most wedding dresses are much of a muchness, wearing something almost identical to your SIL must feel like it's taken the 'wow' factor out of your dress, plus I guess your guest list is very similar?

Why on earth didn't your mum say something?! Have you asked her?

Your choices are:

to forget about the similarity and wear it regardless. I'm sure it won't have that much impact on your day.

See if you can get it altered to personalise it more.

Swallow the financial loss and sell the dress and then buy a new one.

Seriously?

Don’t do this, you will have the wow factor because you will look beautiful on your special day and no one will even give the other dress a second thought.

Did you ask your mum why she didn't say anything?

Could you add stuff onto the dress to make it different?

I doubt she remembered SILs dress in much detail after 6 months. They all look fairly similar. I would just personalise it with accessories as you love the dress.

She probably didn’t even notice, I mean in all honesty most wedding dresses look really similar.

I couldn’t tell you what any dress was like at virtually any wedding I’ve ever been to, apart from long, white and strapless, usually some lace or sparkle.

All these posters saying wedding dresses look all the same…have you been to a wedding recently?!?

As in the last year, I’ve been to 5 and not one looked similar at all. Wedding dresses have really moved on from the white strapless with some sparkle - last wedding I went to the bride was in a long sleeve lace dress, before that a plain satin ball gown style, then a boho flowing dress etc.

Admittedly I haven’t been to a wedding in a loooong time.

Nobody will notice. Wear it and enjoy your day!

I’d take it to a specialist wedding seamstress. They can do amazing things like alter the neckline, sleeves etc. that can transform a dress and make it look totally different. You could also choose different accessories and presumably your colour scheme is different so you’ll have a different bouquet.

Could you do something like getting someone to add some lace/beading
or make you something to wear over the dress? If SIL and DB were married a little while ago, by your wedding date it could be
quite a lot colder than for their wedding (what you need might depend on the venue and and travel arrangements though)

normalnans - I said she might FEEL as though the wow factor has gone, even though it most probably hasn't. OP has already said it doesn't feel as special any more.

Why do you care so much.

I’ve been to three this year, not a clue what they were wearing I except they were white and long. Couldn’t even tell you if they were full or fitted. Let alone if they had lace or sparkles.

It’s ok saying no one will notice, the dresses all look the same and that’s how some people feel but it’s obviously not how the OP feels and it’s an issue; so not really helping.
I definitely don’t think all dresses are the same but also agree you can put two people in the exact same dress and the overall look can be very different with accessories.
A good seamstress can transform a dress, that would be my first step.