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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding dress and SIL/DM

92 replies

Bridetobe9 · 07/10/2022 17:02

Fully prepared to be told I’m being ridiculous!

Im getting married soonish and earlier this year went wedding dress shopping. I don’t like a lot of fuss so just took my mum. Found a dress and bought it, all good.

A few weeks ago SIL and DB also got married. I know my Mum had gone with SIL to choose her dress as well. What I was not expecting was for her dress to be near identical to mine!!

I’m pretty annoyed that she didn’t say anything when I was choosing my dress as I wouldn’t have picked it. My wedding day is getting closer and I can’t work out if I’m being ridiculous or not. It’s so expensive to change but I don’t want to wear it now. AIBU about wearing the dress and AIBU to think my mum could have said something!

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 07/10/2022 17:42

How would they have known if they didn't go with you?

LookItsMeAgain · 07/10/2022 17:43

Do you have a link to the dress that you bought and the one that SiL bought so we can compare styles?

pictish · 07/10/2022 17:46

How similar are we talking here?

lightisnotwhite · 07/10/2022 17:49

I understand why you’re upset.
Show your mum your dress again. See if she says anything or looks worried. Or ask her. If she admits it’s a close match maybe look at adding or taking some details. You’ll be getting married in different seasons if hers was a few weeks ago and yours is a few weeks away.

Other posters are right though, wedding dresses are all a bit samey within their different styles. If you’ve both gone for a satin, mermaid dress you obviously both have similar tastes and that’s what makes you happy.

MatronicO6 · 07/10/2022 17:53

I would have wanted her to have at least said "it's very similar to..."

But maybe you see the dresses as being more similar than others will notice as it means so much more to you. At this point I wouldn't stress, you clearly like the dress and I wouldn't let it ruin your day.

FuzzyPuffling · 07/10/2022 17:56

Send yours back and borrow hers. Money saving tip.

erinaceus · 07/10/2022 17:56

If you separate your annoyance/irritation with your mum from whether or not you like your dress, do you still like the dress? If you still like the dress, try to swallow your irritation towards your mum and go forth and be a fabulous bride. If you are sufficiently wrankled that you want to change your dress, you can do that but I actually don't think your mum is particularly at fault here. If the dresses were the exact same make and model, then maybe, but aside from that I don't think you have much to go on here.

I think your mum did a lovely thing to come dress shopping with both of you. Maybe in her mind the dresses are not all that similar? Wedding dresses are kinda samey and go in fashions so if you have both picked a popular style it's not surprising there could be similarities.

Original poster
Bridetobe9 · 07/10/2022 17:56

They both have the same shape, same top and same train. Both the same colour, both have a bit of lace and embroidery. So I would say 90% identical. I don’t really want to link as it’s quite identifying.

OP posts:
70billionthnamechange · 07/10/2022 17:59

I bet your mum didn't realise as you prob look different in it. I get where you're coming from but no one will notice, they'll just think you look amazing

Jessbow · 07/10/2022 18:06

You chose the dress you liked on its merits- its shape, colour and length of train...

What would you change now to be different?

Why?

Unless both dresses are black lace gothic style, then most coventional dresses are very similar-

LaurieFairyCake · 07/10/2022 18:08

Not one person, not even your new spouses would clock they are similar

Unfortunately they all pretty much look the same

KosherDill · 07/10/2022 18:08

FuzzyPuffling · 07/10/2022 17:56

Send yours back and borrow hers. Money saving tip.

Best idea so far!

Fink · 07/10/2022 18:09

No one will notice other than you and possibly SIL, unless your mutual guests are very very interested in fashion. 95% of wedding guests will look at a bride and think she looks lovely, a few will be criticial, virtually none will analyse the dress in detail, certainly not in comparison to the dress from another wedding. Unless you're both wearing an unusual colour or very distinctive style. If you both have a standard full length white/off-white dress then absolutely no one will notice.

BatshitBanshee · 07/10/2022 18:18

I mean this in the kindest possible way: the only one who gives a fuck about a wedding dress is the person who's in it. Truly. No one notices details or trains or any of that and I doubt anyone could accurately describe anyone else's wedding dress apart from "it was white, long, went out here and had a bit of lace/sparkly but". More over: everyone looks different in similar styles.

Relax. Wear your dress. Don't be that SIL who starts a silent war over a dress that lasts 20 years.

Confusion101 · 07/10/2022 18:18

Bridetobe9 · 07/10/2022 17:56

They both have the same shape, same top and same train. Both the same colour, both have a bit of lace and embroidery. So I would say 90% identical. I don’t really want to link as it’s quite identifying.

I mean this in the nicest way possible but for example "an A line white dress with a train, some lace and embroidery" describes a large number of wedding dresses 🙈

Same colour? Are we talking the same shade of white / ivory or an off the charts colour? Coz if its white I mean come on.

lara894 · 07/10/2022 18:22

I'd only be annoyed if it was the EXACT same dress. Same designer/ etc

If it's not and they're just similar .. then I'd have no issue with that.
OST wedding dresses are very similar and no one would notice x

wordler · 07/10/2022 18:36

If it's white/cream/ivory etc no one but you, and possibly your SIL will notice that they are the same. Everyone but your SIL (including you DB probably!) has already forgotten what her dress looked like.

If they are bright red/pink/peach etc then yes it might make a few people think that looks familiar - and they will assume it's a sweet family tradition or something.

Bonbon21 · 07/10/2022 18:56

After 6 months your mum would probably not have recognised your sil's dress if you had it on!!!

You chose the dress that you loved. It is still the same dress!!

Forget all this ... enjoy your wedding day and have a happy marriage...which, after all, is the most important bit!!!

girlmom21 · 07/10/2022 18:59

She probably didn't realise. You'll look completely different.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 07/10/2022 19:04

A friend of ours ended up with the same dress as me. More or less. Same designer at least and incredibly similar. Only she and I noticed.

lightisnotwhite · 07/10/2022 19:05

I found a very distinctive dress worn by different brides for you. I don’t think their weddings look anything the same. If anything the fact they have all gone for the same hair is more noticeable than the dress.
Also got these from StillWhite - cheaper second hand dress if you want to sell yours on and get something different.

Wedding dress and SIL/DM
Wedding dress and SIL/DM
Wedding dress and SIL/DM
Wedding dress and SIL/DM
inheritanceshiteagain · 07/10/2022 19:14

Try to have a completely different style of veil and maybe different jewellery to deflect from the similarity. Most dresses are similar anyway.

meadowbleu · 07/10/2022 19:38

@Bridetobe9 I can totally see why you're all unsettled and a bit miffed with your mum, but now to the case in hand and what you can do about it.

I suspect your mum just saw you in the dress and thought you looked lovely in it and that you like it best of all too. If you love it and it suits you, by the time your hair's styled and you have your bouquet, which will be totally different from Sil's, you'll be a different bride, with your own style and your own look.

Don't let this spoil how you feel about the dress.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 07/10/2022 19:40

They all look the bloody same anyway. Unless you've both taken the bold decision to get married in fuchsia noone else will notice at all.

Qwerkie · 07/10/2022 19:43

It feels like a big deal now and while everyone will ooh and ahh over your dress on the day nobody else will give a shit after.

Were you so uninterested in your SIL dress that you didn’t even ask to see a photo after she found it? No conversation at all? This is really on you for that reason not your mum

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