Page 3 | Wedding dress and SIL/DM

Bridetobe9 · 2022-10-07T16:02:53+00:00

Fully prepared to be told I’m being ridiculous! Im getting married soonish and earlier this year went wedding dress shopping. I don’t like a lot of fuss so just took my mum. Found a dress and bought it, all good. A few weeks ago SIL and DB also got married. I know my Mum had gone with SIL to choose her dress as well. What I was not expecting was for her dress to be near identical to mine!! I’m pretty annoyed that she didn’t say anything when I was choosing my dress as I wouldn’t have picked it. My wedding day is getting closer and I can’t work out if I’m being ridiculous or not. It’s so expensive to change but I don’t want to wear it now. AIBU about wearing the dress and AIBU to think my mum could have said something!

FurAndFeathers · 07/10/2022 19:47

Bridetobe9 · 07/10/2022 17:32

I think SIL bought her dress a good 6 months before I bought mine. I explicitly asked my mum so I guess I’m annoyed she didn’t say it then!

You honestly expect your mum to remember the minute details of two big white dresses bought 6 months apart?!?

I wouldn’t have a clue!
aren’t all wedding dresses pretty similar?

DonnaDonna0 · 07/10/2022 20:02

I’d be annoyed my mum hadn’t given me the heads up, I’m quite shocked your mum didn’t say anything at all.
Plus I do think people will notice if they are at both weddings, the odd few who pay no attention maybe not but I would expect the bulk of your family to definitely notice.

cc1997 · 07/10/2022 20:16

Bridetobe9 · 07/10/2022 17:56

They both have the same shape, same top and same train. Both the same colour, both have a bit of lace and embroidery. So I would say 90% identical. I don’t really want to link as it’s quite identifying.

You do know that all wedding dresses pretty much luck the same, right? You're being a bridezilla.

Herejustforthisone · 07/10/2022 20:47

I don’t remember what anyone’s wedding dresses looked like except my own. Neither will yours or their guests.

Herejustforthisone · 07/10/2022 20:47

Actually that’s not true, I remember my best friend’s. But that’s because it was utterly amazing.

Worthyornot · 07/10/2022 21:01

Bridetobe9 · 07/10/2022 17:32

I think SIL bought her dress a good 6 months before I bought mine. I explicitly asked my mum so I guess I’m annoyed she didn’t say it then!

After 6 months maybe she forgot what it looked like. Or to her it doesn't even look similar? Or your SIL asked her not to discuss it with anyone? Or your mum saw how much you loved it and didn't want to upset you??

SpinMeRightRoundBabyRightRound · 07/10/2022 21:07

I once wore a dress to a formal dinner and another woman at the table was wearing the exact same dress as me. It looked completely different though as she was tall and svelte and I was short and curvy so unless you have the same body type and are standing beside each other in them I doubt anyone will notice.

NotJustAnybody · 07/10/2022 21:15

A bit dense of your DM. You'd think she'd have remembered your SIL's dress after a few months and said something. Every bride wants to feel special.
The icing on the cake will be if your SIL exclaims 'It's just like mine!'.
I know that's not helpful at all. In reality, no one else will likely notice but if you feel that strongly. go back to the shop and have a word and see if anything can be done, to alter or change it.

GloriousGlory · 07/10/2022 21:22

Bridetobe9 · 07/10/2022 17:32

I think SIL bought her dress a good 6 months before I bought mine. I explicitly asked my mum so I guess I’m annoyed she didn’t say it then!

Your poor mum! She would've seen two brides looking beautiful and not the dresses being similar.

Stop being a bridezilla

GloriousGlory · 07/10/2022 21:24

Bridetobe9 · 07/10/2022 17:56

They both have the same shape, same top and same train. Both the same colour, both have a bit of lace and embroidery. So I would say 90% identical. I don’t really want to link as it’s quite identifying.

Will your SIL be passed off you copied her?

LoveBluey · 07/10/2022 21:36

I think your mum probably forgot what SILs dress was like after that amount of time.
If she went shopping SIL probably tried on a few and unless you're in the throes of wedding planning they do all sort of look the same.
I know there will be some overlap with guests but surely the majority of guests won't have seen your SILs dress or even if they have actually t remember it.

PinkSyCo · 07/10/2022 21:57

Yeah you’re being ridiculous.

MrsGamgee · 07/10/2022 21:59

YABU, most wedding dresses look the same. Your mum probably saw how much you liked the dress you chose and didn't want to burst your bubble. Or chances are she didn't even think about how similar it was/wasn't to your SILs.

NoNameChangeRequired · 07/10/2022 22:03

70billionthnamechange · 07/10/2022 17:59

I bet your mum didn't realise as you prob look different in it. I get where you're coming from but no one will notice, they'll just think you look amazing

Totally.

Your mum would have been thinking how beautiful you look and you will, in her eyes, look different to SIL.

Hotandbothereds · 07/10/2022 22:06

Bridetobe9 · 07/10/2022 17:56

They both have the same shape, same top and same train. Both the same colour, both have a bit of lace and embroidery. So I would say 90% identical. I don’t really want to link as it’s quite identifying.

I’ve been to many, many weddings and that describes 99% of of wedding dresses, virtually all wedding dresses are incredibly similar.

Rowen32 · 07/10/2022 22:50

I don't understand pps at all. Of the close family weddings I've been to all the dresses were noticeably different and likewise none were anything like mine so I see where you're coming from OP, have no suggestions other than try to exchange it? I wish you well..

Confusion101 · 07/10/2022 22:59

Rowen32 · 07/10/2022 22:50

I don't understand pps at all. Of the close family weddings I've been to all the dresses were noticeably different and likewise none were anything like mine so I see where you're coming from OP, have no suggestions other than try to exchange it? I wish you well..

You can remember every close family members dress in detail? I can't even remember my sisters in detail, and I absolutely loved it at the time!

saraclara · 07/10/2022 23:07

After 6 months your mum would probably not have recognised your sil's dress if you had it on!!!

That! It's SIX MONTHS ago. And as SIL isn't her daughter she wouldn't have been as invested in remembering every detail of the dress unless it was hugely distinctive like an unusual shape and pink or something. I'm probably around her age and can barely remember what I saw last week 😳

Confusion101 · 07/10/2022 23:13

saraclara · 07/10/2022 23:07

After 6 months your mum would probably not have recognised your sil's dress if you had it on!!!

That! It's SIX MONTHS ago. And as SIL isn't her daughter she wouldn't have been as invested in remembering every detail of the dress unless it was hugely distinctive like an unusual shape and pink or something. I'm probably around her age and can barely remember what I saw last week 😳

Exactly, and she would've seen quite a few dresses that day with SIL and quite a few dresses with OP 6 months later. Between the time that passed and seeing lots of dresses it's very easy forget what's what and forget details to be fair!

LightDrizzle · 07/10/2022 23:28

It won’t look the same, DD tried on about 18 dresses and she looked so different in them to the models. You will have different hair accessories, figures, bouquets. Honestly in around 2000 I think, almost everyone was in a white, silk or satin strapless fishtail or very fitted dress. They still looked different.

If you are worried about your SIL just forewarn her that you’d counted on your mum giving you the heads up but it sounds like you’ve gone for very similar dresses.

Northerngirl21 · 08/10/2022 08:26

I’m really surprised at the comments here - I always notice and remember the dress a bride was wearing…seeing what they’ve chosen is one of the nicest parts of a wedding !

i would also be annoyed with my mum in that situation - she definitely could have given you a heads up. Can you have some alterations made to the dress to make it look different like the train or the top ? If not I agree with PP that said to give your SIL a heads up as if I was her I would probably find it a bit odd !

RedHelenB · 08/10/2022 08:33

Bridetobe9 · 07/10/2022 17:56

They both have the same shape, same top and same train. Both the same colour, both have a bit of lace and embroidery. So I would say 90% identical. I don’t really want to link as it’s quite identifying.

Just link a different two that are equally similar so posters can get an idea. Basically most dresses get very smart if you watch shows like say yes to the dress. And I've never really noticed intricate details on dresses, just the bride looks gorgeous. I

pictish · 08/10/2022 08:38

BatshitBanshee · 07/10/2022 18:18

I mean this in the kindest possible way: the only one who gives a fuck about a wedding dress is the person who's in it. Truly. No one notices details or trains or any of that and I doubt anyone could accurately describe anyone else's wedding dress apart from "it was white, long, went out here and had a bit of lace/sparkly but". More over: everyone looks different in similar styles.

Relax. Wear your dress. Don't be that SIL who starts a silent war over a dress that lasts 20 years.

I think this is true actually. As much as the dress is the be all and end all for the bride, no one really takes in a wedding dress in any detail. A bride is a vision…not a study.

pictish · 08/10/2022 08:41

I mean for a while there, seemed that every single wedding dress was a bare shoulder corset style. Pretty but they all look the same. Couldn’t pick any out of a line up as being the dress of anyone specific.

NoseyNellie · 08/10/2022 08:44

If you were that fussed why didn’t you ask to see SIL’s dress before you went shopping? I love my mum to bits but I wouldn’t expect her to remember a dress style after that length of time