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AIBU?

To be involved with my year 8 exam revision?

112 replies

Doingprettywellthanks · 07/10/2022 11:17

Just wondering how much others get involved in their year 7/8/9 child’s revision?

I was a complete swot at school / uni - and study skills is something that I really do appreciate makes a huge difference. Consequently - every evening I am structuring a plan with my DS, re what he will learn that evening and then testing him on it.

His classmate’s mother, who is also my friend! And I were chatting and I mentioned how I would be relieved to get my evenings back post exams and saw looked quizzically at me. Transpires she leaves her year 8 entirely to his own devices, which is obviously completely fair enough! But it did prick my interest. Am i the minority or majority?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

215 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
79%
You are NOT being unreasonable
21%
SerenaTee · 07/10/2022 11:20

A bit OTT, yes make sure they’re doing homework/revision etc but a BIG part of secondary school is learning to manage your own work and you’re not giving them the opportunity to do that.

SerenaTee · 07/10/2022 11:21

Sorry to answer your actual question, you’re the minority in terms of the secondary parents I know!

FlorettaB · 07/10/2022 11:21

Wow. Really?

Doingprettywellthanks · 07/10/2022 11:23

FlorettaB · 07/10/2022 11:21

Wow. Really?

Well it would be an odd and very dull thread to make up!

OP posts:
Notcontent · 07/10/2022 11:25

Some children are able to just get on with it alone and prefer to, but in my experience lots of parents do help with revision even at GCSE and sixth form level. Just keep offering help while also encouraging your DS to plan his revision etc independently.

notsallyrooney · 07/10/2022 11:27

I helped my Y9 kid come up with a revision plan ahead of his Y8 exams at school (we did this together) and then checked in with him that he was sticking to it - not that level of daily involvement but definitely, err, project managing it a bit?! He has asked if I can do this for future tests because the revision paid off. Am happy to help him plan when he's going to revise and figure out what it is he needs to make sure he covers, but he has to go off and do it himself.

He has friends who get on with it themselves, but I figure it's fine. I have the time and am happy that he involves me.

My Y7 kid would much more likely do this herself so I think it depends on the child.

KrisAkabusi · 07/10/2022 11:27

I think there's a happy medium between doing nothing and what you are doing. If you keep doing all the planning for your son he'll never learn to do it himself.

Doingprettywellthanks · 07/10/2022 11:34

All interesting - thanks

OP posts:
toastedcat · 07/10/2022 11:48

My mum showed absolutely zero interest in my homework or revision and as a result I sort of thought I could get away with not doing much. I think it's excellent that you're helping your child, and I also plan to do the same when my baby is old enough.

rageapplied · 07/10/2022 11:50

What if he doesn't learn like you do and your plan doesn't work for him?

Worthyornot · 07/10/2022 11:51

Im like you op. I prefer consistency and feel that having a plan really works. My 6yo is sitting the 7+ exams this year and every evening we have stick to our study plan. He is a child that enjoys and is able to cope with such a structure, so I guess it's also child dependent.

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/10/2022 11:52

Depends on the child, OP. One of ours was motivated and fine unsupervised. The other a terrible procrastinator who needed a bit of a prod.
do what suits your child.

Wailywailywaily · 07/10/2022 12:02

I sort of manage him from afar. He has his own revision plan that the school helped them to establish, but without me prompting him he would forget and procrastinate for the evening. He is a very motivated learner but also has strong ADHD tendencies so I try to stay hands off so that he can be independent while checking in with him along the way. If that makes sense?!

Doingprettywellthanks · 07/10/2022 12:07

rageapplied · 07/10/2022 11:50

What if he doesn't learn like you do and your plan doesn't work for him?

It seems to. He came in top 10% in all exams bar french last term and he seems pretty content with the status quo

OP posts:
Doingprettywellthanks · 07/10/2022 12:08

Wailywailywaily · 07/10/2022 12:02

I sort of manage him from afar. He has his own revision plan that the school helped them to establish, but without me prompting him he would forget and procrastinate for the evening. He is a very motivated learner but also has strong ADHD tendencies so I try to stay hands off so that he can be independent while checking in with him along the way. If that makes sense?!

Mine too adhd tendencies.

so I spent a couple of hours with him before we started going through all his files and ordering them as it was… carnage!

OP posts:
Alaimo · 07/10/2022 12:12

Do what works for your DC, but I'd highly recommend reducing your involvement in the coming years. I'm a university lecturer, and it's the kids who have had this hand holding approach who often really struggle in first year when suddenly there is no one checking in with them on a daily basis.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 07/10/2022 12:14

I have a Y7 and a Y11. They both self manage. I’m there if they need support but they both prefer to do it their own way.

SomeUnspokenThing · 07/10/2022 12:17

The main thing is whether your son is happy with how things are. If he is, then there's no reason to greatly change things. Though I would pick up on a PP's comment about how he has to learn to study too. Knowing how to study and plan things for himself will be useful as he progresses through his education, be that school or HEI.

I'm fairly hands-off with my DD but realise I'm fortunate in that she's self-motivated and wants to do well so she plans her own study around which tests are coming up (we're in Scotland so she's in Y10 equivalent). I get summaries from the school wrt what homework is due and I check in with her to make sure it's done, and she comes to me when she's stuck on things. If she wasn't doing so well at school then I would have more input.

Sounds like your son is doing well, OP.

Plumbear2 · 07/10/2022 12:25

My now year 10 always revised independently but will sometimes ask me to ask him questions. This has helped to produce a study plan that HE is happy with and works for himself. I couldn't stand to be micromanaging him. It works because he got mostly 6s and 7s in the end of year report for year 9. You may need to back off and let him decide how and what he studies.

StillNotWarm · 07/10/2022 12:33

I help if asked (and have helped create a whole Geography book from the scraps that were legible) and check the homework app at least weekly to keep an eye out for revision homework, and double check revision has been done. But I wouldn't structure his revision.

junebirthdaygirl · 07/10/2022 12:37

My dd studied away by her self..totally motivated. One ds wouldn't let me next nor near his books. But second ds liked me to hear him out stuff. He found it easier to learn knowing l would check so learnt really well. I never minded and it was handy in the car as l could shoot questions at him and it helped him to keep it in his memory.
We gradually stopped as he got older and maturity helped him become quite good at studying. Whatvr works and especially when he is on for it.

GabriellaMontez · 07/10/2022 12:37

I did this with my youngest. She needed some guidance. Just didn’t appreciate how to structure and plan. It needed to be spelled out to her.

My eldest just did it herself.

They're all different.

Raidcandle · 07/10/2022 12:40

KrisAkabusi · 07/10/2022 11:27

I think there's a happy medium between doing nothing and what you are doing. If you keep doing all the planning for your son he'll never learn to do it himself.

I agree totally with this.

FWIW, I did absolutely no revision throughout high school and successful obtained all A grades. Not ever child needs to revise.

Probably being a bit thick here, but what exams are there before year 9?

ChicCroissant · 07/10/2022 12:42

Alaimo · 07/10/2022 12:12

Do what works for your DC, but I'd highly recommend reducing your involvement in the coming years. I'm a university lecturer, and it's the kids who have had this hand holding approach who often really struggle in first year when suddenly there is no one checking in with them on a daily basis.

This was my first thought tbh! If you are looking forward to getting your evenings back then you're not hands off OP!

My DD's school help them with the revision plan prior to exams, so they already have that - we provide encouragement to stick to it. She knows we expect her to revise and luckily for us, she is willing to do so. She doesn't revise as much as I used to, but a lot more than her dad!

Testina · 07/10/2022 12:46

My Y8 doesn’t have exams that you can revise for in the same way. They tend to be end of unit tests, and they don’t get given anything to take home - even their own school exercise books live in class. So I’m less involved than I naturally would be!

But I would say that every French vocab test list that comes home, she asks me to test her - whereas the other mums would look at me blankly and not even know there was a test. And no, their kids aren’t independently testing themselves!

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