To expect the school to do more about racism?

[marmitetoastie]

We live in an exceptionally white small town. I'm half N. African (never even been there on holiday) anywhere else in the UK, I"d probably be considered white. But in my town, I'm an ethnic minority. My two sons look middle eastern but they are essentially white, with dark features. My daughter looks Spanish, mid brown hair, even she is constantly asked where she's from.

When my sons walk through the town they hear racist remarks at times. But at school my youngest (13) has been teased about his "race" a lot and I know it really upsets him. Recently, he started pestering me for expensive aftershave and deoderents, then he wanted a new school bag (to replace his new Nike bag). Eventually his older sister told me it's because his friends - and these kids are his friends, have been teasing him that he "smells of curry". I think for these boys it's a bit of banter, but for my son it was constant and they really did it so much that he believed them. (He lives on pizza btw). When he called them out for racism, they assured him it wasn't, but it was genuinely bc he really does smell of curry. He's actually popular and a bit of joker, so these kids really don't think they're doing anything that wrong. - which sort of makes it even worse.

He never talked to me about it, just to his older sister; so I agreed he could have a new school bag (£40) for some other vauge reason, to put this to rest in his head. I wrote to school about it (I'd already written about other racist problems he's had earlier that year; they phoned me that time and were great listeners - but didn't actually do anything). I reiterated in this email, that there is an endemic problem of racism in the town which is supported and condoned in some homes. And that I was concerned that when these kids get out into the wider world, they are going to get themselves in really big trouble if they arent taught how unacceptable this behaviour is. And more education needed to be put in place. Further, being singled out by reporting anything, is the last thing in the world my son wants, so could they deal with this more globally as he wont want to report it. I also mentioned that I had to email the school to write, because the Diversity and Inclusion Lead was ommited from the school's Leadership webpage (couldn't make it up, could you?).

The school wrote back explaining that they have a racism tab in the kids' email/web stuff, unless my son reports it, it doesn't exist. They went on to tell me how much they do about racism in the school and it's all covered and they have invested in a football prog and are celebrating Black Lives Matters Day and Rosa Parks Day.

So that's it, despite it being an obvious on-going problem, for my son and dangerous behaviour for the "white kids", it's all covered.

As an example of what goes on, older kid (17), actually said to my daughter when he had to come to our house to do a project together "Oh your family are towel-heads aren't they?" (we live in a £700,000 house, don't have any cultural dress other than middle-england). She advised him to keep the racism to himself around me - which wisely, he did. Eventually she reported him when he sent her a racist cartoon - he's at another school. The school he attends, had a mixed race head girl, who highlighted the problems she'd experienced and they put a whole education package togther. I suggested our school could look at what they did to redress the balance. But they are observing "Black Lives Matters day", so they've got it covered.

So, AIBU to think the school should have actioned a response to either of my two letters about the racist culture, which is still endemic in the school? Or am i being a pain in the arse? I don't know how to get them to do more, when they apathetically tell me they're doing loads. My son's form teacher was clearly upset at what was going on and I think. he also expected the school to respond with action, but then, he probably hasn't grown up in the town.

I appreciate money is tight for schools, but I see these kids losing jobs or being kicked out of Uni's if they aren't better educated.

Appreciate practical advice on if, or how, to take it further,

xxx

It looks like school are doing quite a lot within school. Has you son reported any specific incidents, that the school haven’t acted on?

There is only so much a school can do, they can’t legislate for what goes on outside of school, and they can’t do anything about what the parents are telling their children.. or, what happens in the wider society. They can only try to educate (which it looks like they are doing), keep your son safe in school (by acting on reported incidents), and punish other unacceptable activity.

What are the practical steps that you want school to take ?

That sounds awful Op could you go to the governors?
Essentially your son is being bullied and racially attacked that's not on and school are doing nothing.

I am mixed race, DS like yours is a 1/4 and he had a few racist incidences at school, though DS had more piss taking for ‘being posh’ we also live in a relatively white area though this has changed a bit over the last few years. DH and I are Southerners and moved North DS though born here has a Southern accent. So no flat vowels, DS can sort of change his accent to suit these days. I mean DH and I are both RP and the local Mums at Primary school were lovely once they got to know me but did say we thought you were stuck up because you sound so posh.

My DS was adamant that I was not going up the school though I wanted to. What I did was make him proud of his roots and he is exceptionally so and also to pity the utter ignorant fools who are racist.

You have informed the school, I don’t see why they won’t officially log it.

My mate is white and has just fallen out with his racist MIL, it’s risking a divorce as he refuses to see her. He lives in an area of the country that I would never live in. I’m not going to name the county but I wonder if you live in it because though DS did get grief at school no one in the street ever said a thing and the last time that happened to me was not in this area but back where I grew up on the Isle of Wight. I say fuck that place I do not care how beautiful it is the racism was dire and I couldn’t wait to leave.

I had the micky taken for being ginger
Kids will take the micky
Best thing to do is laugh along with it

I have to agree, kids will always find someone who is "different" for some reason or another and target them, it's just part of growing up.

It sounds like the school are going above and beyond as it is with their BLM day and doing stuff about Rosa Parks.

I disagree, and would not describe it as going above and beyond with the school discussing Blm and learning about Rosa Parks. Racism would not be such an issue if people were more educated about it.

@Dotjones

No its not enough, children need to be taught about micro aggression.

racism isnt ‘just part of growing up’

yes the school should be doing more

@TheStoop

no, children nor adults should not just laugh along with racism. Thats part of the reason why racism persists.

Really ?
You realise racism is a hate crime ?

And i don't think school are doing enough, discussing Rosa Parks and having a Black lives matters day means nothing I'f they are ignoring racist incidences it's just paying lip service

No, I don't think the school are doing enough. But also I think that every single episode needs to be reported so that they can build a picture of what is actually going on
Micro aggressions, "throw away comments" all add up and need to be stopped

Black Lives Matter has been a wonderful opportunity to spout slogans coming from a us racism context that is completely different to the uk context

so people can happily spout off slogans but don’t have to actually do anything to examine and address their own racism or the racism in uk culture

of course the school should be doing something to address the ACTUAL racism happening in the school instead of parroting US slogans.

The school are absolutely not doing enough. How would learning about black history month and Rosa parks stop them calling your son a towel head and saying he smells like curry? It's completely unacceptable

No they are clearly not doing enough, calling him those names is unacceptable and will not be overlooked in the workplace

In my experience of schools they are very tight in addressing racism, homophobia meanwhile is totally a free for all and slt don't give a hoot about reported cases.

Yes promoting anti racism should be a major push in a school, not just tokenistic occasional days.

You can't 100% stop all incidents (children are heavily influenced by what they hear at home) but the school should be making it clear to their pupils that racist comments are completely unacceptable (including as a "joke" - most are probably made as a "joke".)

I think you need to be more direct. Email to chair of governors or appointment with a senior member of staff.

Yes it may happen outside school, but being at the school is how these kids know each other, and schools are responsible for tackling racist and other abuse.

Some years back, one of my DC was verbally threatened by a family member of one of her peers - in front of me! I immediately called school and spoke to the deputy head who said she couldn't deal with it as it happened outside school. So I called the police and they advised that the school should deal with it, with their support if needed. When the head was informed, he banned the family members (others were also unpleasant) from the premises. And dd was left alone (although the peer in question did try to bully her over social media when they later went to separate secondary schools.)

YANBU OP

A few assemblies and a bit of tutor time on Rosa Parks and BLM is not 'tackling racism' it's paying lip service.

If your son is still getting these racist remarks then these assemblies haven't helped have they?

But in Op,s case the racism isn't being addressed ,I mean i agree Homophobia is abhorrent and shouldn't be ignored either ,but in this case her son is bring racially abused and the school appear to be doing nothing.

Children should just "laugh along" while receiving racist remarks??? Are you actually serious??

Idiots like the posters who say you just need to laugh at this give me the rage. I sincerely hope you don't have children and that mine never come into contact with yours . The school are just paying lip service op. Apply the pressure, work on your kids confidence if all else fails I would look at moving.

Yanbu, the school isn't doing enough but you are also fighting a small town mentality here where these kids are being raised that way. I'm an expat in London and we chose the area for diversity being a major factor. I can't imagine any of the things your DC have experienced happening at my dc school. In fact, our religious festivals are celebrated more at our school than in my own home countries schools! I think you are just stuck with it unfortunately.

I hear you. I'm Welsh, but have threatened a few colleagues over the years with HR because of their constant "witty banter" about Wales and the Welsh - usually derogatory. (I'm in England).
They don't see it as racism because my skin is white, but it absolutely is (I'm thinking about the boys who say the curry jokes aren't racist).
I just get fed up with it too.

Children should not be allowed to get away with racism. Very often they do it out of ignorance but there is a point to be made. I never feel that ‘black lives matter’ days help as they often tend to highlight the problem in the wrong way by making out BAME people are victims, which they are not. Racism exists in all cultures and between all cultures and we have to learn to accept each other. I thank God I have many friends from a wide cultural background. As Dr Luther King said we accept people as people and not because of what they look like

When I was at school there was an oft repeated phrase which was “sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me”.

One I picked up in adulthood is “sometimes you only have to listen to people to see just how ignorant they are”.

They might help if they’re borne in mind.

I’m shocked at the schools response.

My son is in school in Scotland and was subjected to a racist remark which was reported by a witness to his class teacher. She took it to the Head Teacher who filled out the local authority’s “racist incident” paperwork. She also arranged a meeting with the pupils parents and called me to apologise, explained it was being taken very seriously and that the pupil would be educated about why her remarks were completely unacceptable.