To expect the school to do more about racism?

[marmitetoastie]

We live in an exceptionally white small town. I'm half N. African (never even been there on holiday) anywhere else in the UK, I"d probably be considered white. But in my town, I'm an ethnic minority. My two sons look middle eastern but they are essentially white, with dark features. My daughter looks Spanish, mid brown hair, even she is constantly asked where she's from.

When my sons walk through the town they hear racist remarks at times. But at school my youngest (13) has been teased about his "race" a lot and I know it really upsets him. Recently, he started pestering me for expensive aftershave and deoderents, then he wanted a new school bag (to replace his new Nike bag). Eventually his older sister told me it's because his friends - and these kids are his friends, have been teasing him that he "smells of curry". I think for these boys it's a bit of banter, but for my son it was constant and they really did it so much that he believed them. (He lives on pizza btw). When he called them out for racism, they assured him it wasn't, but it was genuinely bc he really does smell of curry. He's actually popular and a bit of joker, so these kids really don't think they're doing anything that wrong. - which sort of makes it even worse.

He never talked to me about it, just to his older sister; so I agreed he could have a new school bag (£40) for some other vauge reason, to put this to rest in his head. I wrote to school about it (I'd already written about other racist problems he's had earlier that year; they phoned me that time and were great listeners - but didn't actually do anything). I reiterated in this email, that there is an endemic problem of racism in the town which is supported and condoned in some homes. And that I was concerned that when these kids get out into the wider world, they are going to get themselves in really big trouble if they arent taught how unacceptable this behaviour is. And more education needed to be put in place. Further, being singled out by reporting anything, is the last thing in the world my son wants, so could they deal with this more globally as he wont want to report it. I also mentioned that I had to email the school to write, because the Diversity and Inclusion Lead was ommited from the school's Leadership webpage (couldn't make it up, could you?).

The school wrote back explaining that they have a racism tab in the kids' email/web stuff, unless my son reports it, it doesn't exist. They went on to tell me how much they do about racism in the school and it's all covered and they have invested in a football prog and are celebrating Black Lives Matters Day and Rosa Parks Day.

So that's it, despite it being an obvious on-going problem, for my son and dangerous behaviour for the "white kids", it's all covered.

As an example of what goes on, older kid (17), actually said to my daughter when he had to come to our house to do a project together "Oh your family are towel-heads aren't they?" (we live in a £700,000 house, don't have any cultural dress other than middle-england). She advised him to keep the racism to himself around me - which wisely, he did. Eventually she reported him when he sent her a racist cartoon - he's at another school. The school he attends, had a mixed race head girl, who highlighted the problems she'd experienced and they put a whole education package togther. I suggested our school could look at what they did to redress the balance. But they are observing "Black Lives Matters day", so they've got it covered.

So, AIBU to think the school should have actioned a response to either of my two letters about the racist culture, which is still endemic in the school? Or am i being a pain in the arse? I don't know how to get them to do more, when they apathetically tell me they're doing loads. My son's form teacher was clearly upset at what was going on and I think. he also expected the school to respond with action, but then, he probably hasn't grown up in the town.

I appreciate money is tight for schools, but I see these kids losing jobs or being kicked out of Uni's if they aren't better educated.

Appreciate practical advice on if, or how, to take it further,

xxx

@TheStoop are you actually mad? face palms

He needs to report any specific incidents that occur during school time so they can be followed up with particular consequences for those specific students.

However you described a comment that was made by a boy from another school at your home. Incidents at other school sites should be reported to the other school. Incidents that occur in a home are the responsibility of parents to manage.

Aside from this I think it would help if you had specific suggestions of what else you would like them to do. They have particular days/programs they follow.

The main responsibility of the school is academic education. Children get their values from home. It's unrealistic to expect the school to be able to change that completely.

There are some things they can do, eg ensuring that they study texts written by people of colour, critical approaches to certain episodes of history etc. They may already be doing this. But I think if you think they are not doing enough you need to provide concrete requests of what else you would like them to do. They can definitely apply consequences for any specific racist comments to your son during school time so start there. Expecting them to eradicate ingrained racist attitudes in the whole town is a bit much.

It sounds like lip service with their BLM and Rosa Parks days to be honest. Absolutely not good enough.

Of course he doesn’t want to report it himself! People being bullied and racially abused never do! School are being completely obtuse!

“Banter” is bullying reframed and this kind of talk will get them into massive hot water in the wider world. You’re totally right that these kids need re educating.

You should be able to access their anti racism policy online. That would be my first port of call, and ensure that they are following it, and if not, raise it with SLT, then governors, and then the local authority.

And I’m sorry you’re going through this. I still can’t/don’t want to believe that it goes on even now. X

But that's the difference - that incident was reported. A teacher will then take statements, interview witnesses, investigate, and apply consequences to the offender. The incidents with OP's son are not being reported, so the school can't do any of these things.

I understand it may be difficult to report things, but that is what needs to happen here.

It really needs to be "Jimmy said x to John in maths on Monday" for the school to action ( like a crime report!) "The entire town is racist" may be true, but what specific actions is a school teacher meant to take at 9 am the next day to solve that?

For those that think that the school should be doing "more" - it might be helpful if you could give OP specific examples of best practice that you have observed. Or bullet points of particular ideas or strategies that the school could adopt. Then OP could take these suggestions to the school and ask if they are already doing these/if not would it be possible to implement them.

@Karamna

its really not that difficult.
I would be very surprised if the school did not have policy statements relating to bullying and racism.
They could make a good start by applying them.
My son’s school had a zero tolerance approach.
For example, my son waa subject to some racist ‘banter’ on a Thursday after school, technically off site but close enough for a teacher to hear.
On Friday at 9.30 the year teacher phoned me to say that the head had already spoken to my son, she would be speaking to witnesses and the boy concerned.
At 2 oclock they phoned back to say the boy has been excluded.

Clear decisive action. My son felt the school was protecting him. Clear message that ‘banter’ is racist and that racist bullies will be punished.

Yes, schools should already have in place policies on how they deal with incidents of racism as a pp has said. Unfortunately these incidents will occur, and the school should be taking it seriously.

I suppose from the schools POV you asked them to address it generally/globally and not do anything that would single your son out. They therefore think that the things they are doing (general education around racism via the blm day etc) are what you asked for.

I think you're right about the endemic racism in the town but again the school can only do so much - they can tell the kids things are wrong but can't exactly tell them "and all your parents are racists!"

I really sympathise with your son and the examples you've given sound like absolutely text book racism but unfortunately if he doesn't want to tell them about specific incidents or pupils then they are a bit limited in what they can do to address the issue "generally".

It's good that your sons form tutor is on board. Presumably he would be the one delivering any racism based pse lessons- could you make any suggestions directly to him?
Could you ask for a meeting with the diversity lead (if they will release their name!) and form tutor to discuss further?

I agree the school is just doing token BLM and Rosa Parks day. Racism is much more ingrained/ wider than that. Some proper lessons about what racism is would help. I’m in rural midlands with a primarily white population, sometimes even friends make racist comments toward me and they don’t see why it is racist and I had to explain to them.

Equally, I think it will be essential to teach your kids about where your ancestors are from (from your first sentence it sounds like you’re quite disconnected to your heritage? ‘Not even been there for holidays’). I guess it was easier for me because I am first generation migrant so I’m proud of my culture and my difference. And I’m trying very hard to teach my Asian/ British kids to appreciate their own culture and to be proud of it. I think having this pride and a sense of belonging to your ‘other’ culture makes it easier to cope with all the racist comments when you’re growing up.

Sounds like the school won’t do anything until your son reports it, it might be worth discussing with him that these behaviours are not ok and that by reporting them, it will highlight that there’s a problem. It’s important to recognise that the kids just pick up these racist views/ casual racist comments from their parents and they’ll never change until someone points it out to them that it’s not ok.

I just wanted to say I am sorry this is going on and shocking that it’s still happening in 2022!

But in OP's son's case the incidents haven't been overheard by a teacher, or reported. So the school cannot carry out that action.

@Karamna

the point is that the school has a policy, it was implemented.

The mother has written twice to the school, the form teacher is aware.

that should be sufficient for the school

OP said her son didn't want to report it or have the offenders investigated. I agree with you totally that this is what should happen. But that is not what OP wants or has asked them to do.

YANBU. my kids (fairly multicultural) primary suspended a kid for racist mutterings at Y3. They quite rightly took absolutely no racist nonsense. It’s the way forward. Clamp down heavily on the slightest remark at a very young age and kids will get the message.

Wow so much white privilege on show here! It is not OK, it is never OK, and it needs to be dealt with every single time. It should never be laughed off, it is despicable that people think that still.

Please report every single instance to the school. Keep on and on at them. The school and students need to know this is never OK.

Awful you and your family have to deal with this in England .. it's not the 1970s .. it's a reflection for us all still how much work there is to do

This sounds like you are saying this behaviour is acceptable. It is not in the slightest, it is racism. The school should absolutely take some responsibility to educate the children about what is acceptable and what is not.

I agree it is not going above and beyond.

They need to address it as a wider school issue.

Would it be acceptable for school to no address/ take action against sexism? Because they do something in international women’s day?? Of course it’s not ok.

No you're not being a pain in the arse, and no you're not being unreasonable.

I suspect the people in charge (which clearly isn't the Diversity and Inclusion Lead) don't know how to deal with it. This kind of behaviour is endemic, as you say, and takes a LOT of work to tackle. The adults in charge are already behind the curve, having themselves been brought up to just "chuckle along" if not perpetrate it themselves, and almost certainly not benefiting from the training and education they need to deal with the questions you ask and offer the support and cooperation you need.

It's a long, hard slog dealing with this sort of shit all the goddam time. But you can't give up. Education starts at home (for everything, in my opinion), school is supplementing and in loco parentis when our children are there. You have to start with teaching your own children what to say and do, and they will go into the world and propagate that message. It will spread. At least there is a D&I Lead at your school; any come back on your children and they should report to that person. There is legislation place (for now). And you have to do it all the time time, and never let up.

It's a generations-long project and it's difficult and relentless and depressing - but change can and does happen and it's amazing when it does. They're all just kids, ultimately. Very very few of them are actually inherently racist when you speak to them one on one, even when you take into account home environments. In all probability they're just ignorant and the good thing about them is that you can enlighten them.

Sorry you have to deal with it. If it helps, know that the fight is being fought all around the world, all the time. You and your DC are not alone.

My friend has foster children who have been the victims of lots of racism at school.

School has policies and procedures in place for dealing with this but they don't follow their own policies, ie they are meant to report it to governors etc, but don't.

Basically school say the right things but brush it under the carpet as they don't want it to be seen there is any racism at the school.

This seems to be an issue that is going on out of school and inside of school. Unfortunately it's a cultural issue. Yes complain to school about how they should teach that racism is wrong, but they can't control what people do or say outside of school. Kids know that racism is wrong, but if they're friends and family are that way, they'll continue to think it's acceptable behaviour and language.

And for all of those that are minimising this, and telling OP that it's normal and needs to suck it up are just as much part of the problem.

YADNBU
these kids are being taught that racist micro aggressions are OK.
the school must do more to educate them.
I feel sad that you are being advised to shrug it off.

So depressing that celebrating BLM and Rosa Parks is seen as doing enough.

Or even seen as doing too much, for some people. Only by educating people on these issues can we have any hope for future generations not having to tolerate racism, in all its forms.