Husband never asks me anything about myself

[Treacle1989]

Met my husband two years ago. Married since May. Not had any experience of dating before him.
I love him so much. He’s kind, caring and a good provider financially. We have a lot in common and enjoy the same things. We talk about politics, the news, holidays, future plans and our work.
Last week his best friend who I’ve never met before as he lives in another country, came to visit.
While at dinner he asked me questions about me. My childhood experiences, how I found university, friendships I’ve had, good and bad life experiences, jobs I’ve had.
just seemed to have a genuine interest in my past and the things I’ve experienced and just showed interest in me.
It was actually lovely to have someone ask questions about me and wanting to get to know me.
It made me realise though that my husband has never really asked me anything about myself. I don’t expect an interview but the only thing he’s asked me is about my job, parents job, my degree grades, places I’ve lived but nothing deeper.
Hes never asked anything about my childhood or past life. I’ve experienced tragedy with two siblings dying and he’s never asked me how they died for example.
I was bullied at university and when I opened up about it he just said it was sad and changed the subject.
I feel quite lonely in the marriage.
AIBU? Expecting too much?
Its really hard to explain in a post. But his conversation is quite formal. Like you’d have with a coworker you didn’t know well.
there’s no emotional intimacy at all

Are you Orthodox Jewish? Or something similar? This whole post is a bit confusing without background.

You married a man that isn't interested in your life? I can't even imagine this. You are a stranger to him! Why are your standards so low? I'm genuinely interested. Why do you think this is normal?

ODFOD

No, it absolutely isn't, that's very quick. How old are you?

What is ASS

Agree.. wondering why you married him

Why do you think this?

OP my husband is not British and comes from a culture where it’s a bit taboo to ask people about past sadness or tragedies. We have been together 15 years and at first it did used to bother me as I took it as a sign of lack of interest. I now understand that it is a behaviour learned from his upbringing and I just share information anyway even if it doesn’t immediately lead to great deep conversations. Through things he says and does, sometimes a long time afterwards, I know he has been affected by things I have told him but he is not equipped with the communication skills to talk directly about them at the time.

@YourSpleenIsDamp

You fuck off.

It's a reasonable question - I have 2 males in my family on the spectrum

Am hiding this thread now - good luck OP

He’s also from a culture like this and my overall feeling is this is why he doesn’t ask.
I guess I just thought after marriage this wouldn’t be the case.
im glad to see you’ve managed to still have a happy marriage.

Eh? How on earth do you come to that! Jeez

It sounds like he’s treating you the way he’d like to be treated, he doesn’t like to talk in depth about his past and he isn’t asking you any in-depth questions about your past.

Does he ask questions and show an interest in your current life, for example work/family/friends?

"He will always help around the house."
That's actually a red flag rather than the praise you intended. You both work, so translate as "does some work around HIS OWN household (but probably far far less than his fair share)". Did you marry him or sign on as his house elf?

I don’t think it’s a big deal and son’t really see a problem.

That been said, my past is horrible and I don’t want to think about it much.
And I don’t like when people, strangers are even worse, interrogate me about my life.

Does he care about your present life, that’s the one that matters.
Past is gone.

We were married within two years of meeting, but actually I would acknowledge that this is a relatively quick timeline.

I am baffled as to how you ended up married to somebody who you describe as a work colleague.

OP I’m going to agree with the poster mentioning the possibility of ASD. Please do read up about it. Obviously, I don’t know your full situation but it has the feel of my relationship and dh has undiagnosed asd. I didn’t realise until we’d been together for about 7 years and had a child together. It was a huge shock when I put everything together but then everything made sense.

This is the problem with marrying so soon. You've married a stranger

Was this an arranged/semi-arranged marriage?

I do think it is unrealistic to think 1 person can provide everything that you need. People are not perfect , you need to decide if this person is the one you want to spend your life with despite his flaws. You must ve felt that way at one time. I think the comment about feeling lonely in the marriage is more relevant. Perhaps talk to your husband about this.

That’s very soon to marry someone! Surely that what put most people off!

Losing his mother as a child is probably the key to this, it might be worth having some counselling before you both consider becoming parents so you have support in dealing with childhood trauma you both experienced.

You've both suffered tragedy and obviously deal with it in different ways. It may seem natural to him to not probe about your siblings if he would feel uncomfortable talking about his mum.
I don't think the chocolate cake example is weird at all. I think going out of his way to something thoughtful for you is a good sign, he obviously cares about making you happy in the present.
As doingmybest says, one relationship in your life can't provide everything. You could try and build on more intimate conversations gradually, maybe by focusing on happy moments in the past as he seems to struggle about thinking over past trauma and deals with it by shutting it out.

I think this friend has made you realise that actually your husband is pretty shallow and typical of someone who didn't date lots of people before settling down how would you know if that was all you knew if you see what I mean. I guess now you have to work out are you happy to stay with him or not because he won't change

How on earth did you marry him? Why marry a man that has never shown interest in your life?