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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he is bad news

73 replies

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:16

My husband told me that one of his best mates was caught out doing something really bad (during covid) and his wife found out. It involved breaching her trust. He moved out for a while to his parents while his wife was contemplating divorce. My husband told me that his mate told him he couldn't see himself divorcing her as they have 3 kids, he'd have to pay for them, his mum wouldn't want him living at her house long term so he said he's stuck and he had to go back to her. He said he has to behave himself from now on and can't co** up anymore as he'd be screwed. He said she'd (his wife)would be fine if she left him as she has her parents who she's close with and who live in a nice big house, they help out a lot and they'd probably be able to help her with the mortgage. His job is ok but he said as a couple they have more earning potential so he felt stuck and rather than go it alone he saw no way out but to stay with her and be more "hands on" than he had been in the past.

anyway, my point is he really sounds like a twa* and loser and am I right in not wanting my husband to be mates with someone with this sort of mentality?

OP posts:
PeskyYeti · 06/10/2022 21:17

He does sound like an idiot but YABU to try and control who your husband is friends with.

Chdjdn · 06/10/2022 21:20

He doesn’t sound like the nicest of people and some of my DHs friends are not people I’m keen on due to their life choices but I’m confident my DH wouldn’t be influenced by his friends and who he is friends with is not something that is my choice.
Also what he has told your husband may not be the full extent of how he feels and the choices he has made

Keyansier · 06/10/2022 21:22

He sounds like a twat, your husband sounds like a gossip and you sound controlling. All move in together and you'd have yourselves a sitcom.

YellowTreeHouse · 06/10/2022 21:22

This isn’t anything to do with you. You shouldn’t try to control your husband’s friendships.

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:22

🤪😭

OP posts:
Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:24

@YellowTreeHouse
I guess i dont think someone like this would be a Good friend if hes able to do something like what he się to his wife and family.

OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 06/10/2022 21:25

You can say twat.

YellowTreeHouse · 06/10/2022 21:26

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:24

@YellowTreeHouse
I guess i dont think someone like this would be a Good friend if hes able to do something like what he się to his wife and family.

That’s not your call to make, though. He isn’t your friend.

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:26

AriettyHomily · 06/10/2022 21:25

You can say twat.

👍

OP posts:
Keyansier · 06/10/2022 21:26

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:24

@YellowTreeHouse
I guess i dont think someone like this would be a Good friend if hes able to do something like what he się to his wife and family.

Are you wanting to be friends with him yourself? If not, what's it got to do with you?

GobbolinoTheWitchesCat · 06/10/2022 21:26

You can't tell your husband who he can and can't be friends with, don't be ridiculous.

LondonWolf · 06/10/2022 21:32

He sounds like he's being honest and confiding his unhappiness to his friend who happens to be your husband. It doesn't really have anything to do with you at all.

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:33

@LondonWolf but he sounds awful!

OP posts:
LondonWolf · 06/10/2022 21:34

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:33

@LondonWolf but he sounds awful!

No, he sounds human.

Unicorn717 · 06/10/2022 21:35

You don't have to be friends with your husbands friends if you don't like them. You both have a choice.

LondonWolf · 06/10/2022 21:35

What are you worried about? That he will get your husband thinking too deeply about his own marital situation?

Plenty of women stay in relationships in order to provide a more financial base for themselves and their children and because they don't really have anywhere else to go. Are they all awful too?

LondonWolf · 06/10/2022 21:36

That should be more solid financial base.

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:36

He sounds awful because rather than doing the honourable thing and leaving he betrayed her trust and hurt her I presume.

OP posts:
LondonWolf · 06/10/2022 21:38

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:36

He sounds awful because rather than doing the honourable thing and leaving he betrayed her trust and hurt her I presume.

What's it got to do with you though? She clearly wants to make it work also. I've seen some utterly dreadful marriages solidify and come out the other side.

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:40

It's got nothing to do with me, just shocked to hear it! People should have more self respect and if they can should get out of these situations rather than be unhappy. This life ain't a rehearsal.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 06/10/2022 21:41

This has nothing to do with you though. Focus on your own friends.

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:41

Otherwise he's just pretending and not living happily or true to himself (or they both are)

OP posts:
Unicorn717 · 06/10/2022 21:42

I don't get why you're so involved in this?

Keyansier · 06/10/2022 21:42

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:40

It's got nothing to do with me, just shocked to hear it! People should have more self respect and if they can should get out of these situations rather than be unhappy. This life ain't a rehearsal.

People should have more self respect and if they can should get out of these situations

Like being with a partner who tries to control their friendship groups?

LondonWolf · 06/10/2022 21:44

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:40

It's got nothing to do with me, just shocked to hear it! People should have more self respect and if they can should get out of these situations rather than be unhappy. This life ain't a rehearsal.

Are you quite young?