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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he is bad news

73 replies

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:16

My husband told me that one of his best mates was caught out doing something really bad (during covid) and his wife found out. It involved breaching her trust. He moved out for a while to his parents while his wife was contemplating divorce. My husband told me that his mate told him he couldn't see himself divorcing her as they have 3 kids, he'd have to pay for them, his mum wouldn't want him living at her house long term so he said he's stuck and he had to go back to her. He said he has to behave himself from now on and can't co** up anymore as he'd be screwed. He said she'd (his wife)would be fine if she left him as she has her parents who she's close with and who live in a nice big house, they help out a lot and they'd probably be able to help her with the mortgage. His job is ok but he said as a couple they have more earning potential so he felt stuck and rather than go it alone he saw no way out but to stay with her and be more "hands on" than he had been in the past.

anyway, my point is he really sounds like a twa* and loser and am I right in not wanting my husband to be mates with someone with this sort of mentality?

OP posts:
rivermanblows · 06/10/2022 21:46

mind your own business and stop trying to control who your partner associates with

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:46

l@LondonWolf 25

OP posts:
SlitherySlitherin · 06/10/2022 21:49

So I would assume your husbands friend had an affair. Not sure how remorseful he is, and has gone back to his wife out of convenience. Everyone is saying mind your own business, but I say you are the company you keep. It's known that the people you spend your time with influence you in both good and bad ways. Look at the saga with The Try Guys who have parted ways with their friend after he cheated. This kind of person isn't someone I'd want around my husband either. But ultimately that's for your husband to decide

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 21:52

@SlitherySlitherin it's wasnt that but it's exactly the point I'm making!

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SavingsThreads · 06/10/2022 22:06

I dunno, there are plenty of
Women on here who stay in marriages for the stability, finances, family dynamics etc

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 22:07

@SavingsThreads 😩

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Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 22:07

Living a life of pretend, might I add.

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rivermanblows · 06/10/2022 22:12

I’d never have guessed 25

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 22:18

Fair enough

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junebirthdaygirl · 06/10/2022 22:20

He may be genuinely afraid of losing his wife and kids, knows he has messed up but trying to be the hard man and not showing his vulnerable side. At least he has said he needs to cop on and engage more with his family so perhaps he has learnt a lesson. See how it goes.

Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 22:25

@junebirthdaygirl somehow I doubt it as he is very young himself (to be a dad of 3) and immature tbh but only hope so

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Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 22:40

Can I do a vote on this for Aibu?

OP posts:
Bensjewls · 06/10/2022 22:55

?

OP posts:
Bensjewls · 07/10/2022 18:43

Now my husband is angry I put this on mn

OP posts:
Keyansier · 07/10/2022 18:54

Gretchen, stop trying to make this thread happen. It's not going to happen.

Bensjewls · 07/10/2022 19:38

whos Gretchen?

OP posts:
JessesMum777888 · 07/10/2022 19:41

Your husbands friend sounds like an arse but it has nothing to do with you. I don’t understand this post ?

Bensjewls · 07/10/2022 19:51

I am asking whether I am right in thinking he's a twat and not to be trusted

OP posts:
Revolvingwhore · 07/10/2022 19:53

I'm more interested in your use of asterix for naughty words to be honest.

Bensjewls · 07/10/2022 19:54

@Revolvingwhore what do you mean?

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Toottooot · 07/10/2022 19:54

Need to ken fit he did.

Itstarts · 07/10/2022 20:03

Isn't your husband also a twat then for breaching his friend's trust by telling you?

Bensjewls · 07/10/2022 20:09

In comparison....no

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Bensjewls · 07/10/2022 20:24

@Itstarts in comparison to what husbands mate did no!

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Oliverfunyuns · 07/10/2022 20:42

He sounds like a jerk. I'd be disappointed if my husband stayed good friends with someone like that and would probably tell him so. He chooses his own friends, but you're allowed to voice an opinion, and birds of a feather flock together... I'd wonder what DH saw in someone like that to want him as a friend.

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