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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What's the single best piece of advice you ever received?

189 replies

HermoineJeanGranger · 04/10/2022 05:21

Just that really!
Would love to know the best little pearls of wisdom you've been given : )

OP posts:
HermoineJeanGranger · 04/10/2022 10:15

Thankyou so much for sharing and responding to my post!! I'm enjoying reading them all, keep em coming!! : )

OP posts:
hulahooper2 · 04/10/2022 10:20

On my wedding day I was advised to always have my own secret money stash - came in handy when I divorced

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 04/10/2022 10:24

Always live on less than you earn - don’t get into ‘life style inflation’. Sounds easy, but if you added up earnings vs spent each month/year, most people with rent or mortgage, credit cards and their overdraft would actually live about 10% over their income, and then desperately try and make it up/pay it back by using their tax return or holiday loading or overtime or dramatically cutting down for a month or two. This is stressful. Just always live your life at 90% of your salary, or less. If you want a better life, you need a better paying job first.

Agree with the poster that said in a disagreement or difficult conversation, think, where do I want to get to in this conversation, and what do I need to say to get there. Don’t yell and ‘get things off your chest’. Don’t think ‘they had that coming’. Think intelligently. Achieve the outcome. You can always yell in the car to yourself on the way home. If you do blow up, not only have you not solved the problem, but it’s still there to be solved, and now you are coming from behind.

Aways have enough money in the bank to make choices an option. Eg - leaving a partner, booking an expensive flight to see someone before they die, saying yes to last minute holiday with best friends/sisters to your dream location, stretching a bit more to get your ideal house, giving some money to someone who desperately needs it. Whether you say yes or no to the important choice, it’s not yes or no because you can’t afford it.

Like others - most people don’t care about you (not in a bad way - a liberating way). So don’t make decisions with them in mind, as they aren’t considering you.

Also, don’t tell very many people how you are feeling emotionally. It’s like bleeding next to a shark.

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 04/10/2022 10:25

One more!

Take care of your health. A healthy, broke 20 year old has a thousand wishes. A sick, rich person has only one.

sorcerersapprentice · 04/10/2022 12:29

I have three (which isn't advice that I've been given), but ones I find playing out time and time again:

  1. Oh what a tangled web we weave, when others set out to deceive
(For me, this means the unintended consequences of actions resulting from others actions)
  1. The best laid plans o mice and men gang aft awry
  1. Give him enough rope and he'll hang himself
(In relation to a particularly troublesome, ego-driven colleague)

I often think of these!

maddy68 · 04/10/2022 12:58

inheritanceshiteagain · 04/10/2022 09:59

So when a smelly yob asks you for sex you say yes? What a bloody stupid saying

By the way could you jump off a cliff for me?

Well you aren't me and had the adventures I have had ;)

Ylvamoon · 04/10/2022 13:07

You only regret the things you didn't do!

I've done a few crazy things in my life... I think it's true at least I have a go at most things!

(My next crazy thing: fancy swimming across Lake Constance in 2-3 years time... only the 12k route Germany- Switzerland... Anyone?? 😉)

beastlyslumber · 04/10/2022 13:19

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when others set out to deceive

No offence, but this doesn't make sense.

The correct quote is: "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive". In other words, when we lie and deceive it creates untold complications.

I'm not sure why you would weave a tangled web when others are lying?

backinthebox · 04/10/2022 13:42

@maddy68 I think in the nicest possible way you are getting saying yes to everything, having adventures, and taking opportunities mixed up. I've also had many amazing adventures, I take every opportunity that comes my way. But saying yes to everything puts you at best at the risk of burnout, and at worst at risk of real danger. During my many adventures round the world (you are not the only person to have travelled round the world having amazing adventures!) I have had to save a number of young women from doing very, very silly things because they thought saying yes to everything was a good idea.

Carrying on having great adventures, but don't automatically assume that saying yes to everything is the same as taking opportunities.

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 04/10/2022 13:46

Never be financially dependant on a partner always earn to support yourself and don't make yourself vunerable

Always have 3 months of rent/mortgage and bills put away

Save a little bit in a secret account nobody knows about

Save for things don't run up huge credit card debts

Don't be afraid to say if you don't agree with someone

rose69 · 04/10/2022 13:46

Quit when you are ahead. So leave when your are enjoying yourself.

bonnielochs · 04/10/2022 13:47

You can't bring people up the way with you; they'll only ever drag you down to their level.

Wildflower922 · 04/10/2022 13:47

Show me your friends I'll tell you who you are

xogossipgirlxo · 04/10/2022 13:58

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 04/10/2022 10:24

Always live on less than you earn - don’t get into ‘life style inflation’. Sounds easy, but if you added up earnings vs spent each month/year, most people with rent or mortgage, credit cards and their overdraft would actually live about 10% over their income, and then desperately try and make it up/pay it back by using their tax return or holiday loading or overtime or dramatically cutting down for a month or two. This is stressful. Just always live your life at 90% of your salary, or less. If you want a better life, you need a better paying job first.

Agree with the poster that said in a disagreement or difficult conversation, think, where do I want to get to in this conversation, and what do I need to say to get there. Don’t yell and ‘get things off your chest’. Don’t think ‘they had that coming’. Think intelligently. Achieve the outcome. You can always yell in the car to yourself on the way home. If you do blow up, not only have you not solved the problem, but it’s still there to be solved, and now you are coming from behind.

Aways have enough money in the bank to make choices an option. Eg - leaving a partner, booking an expensive flight to see someone before they die, saying yes to last minute holiday with best friends/sisters to your dream location, stretching a bit more to get your ideal house, giving some money to someone who desperately needs it. Whether you say yes or no to the important choice, it’s not yes or no because you can’t afford it.

Like others - most people don’t care about you (not in a bad way - a liberating way). So don’t make decisions with them in mind, as they aren’t considering you.

Also, don’t tell very many people how you are feeling emotionally. It’s like bleeding next to a shark.

I should print your post, frame and hang on the wall. Great advice.

MabelMoo23 · 04/10/2022 14:30

Couple that mean pretty much the same thing - but kept me going after having miscarriages before my DC

No matter how dark the night, the sun will always rise.

and

the night is darkest just before the dawn.

i also heard a really good one last week at a training programme for NLP

”Should is someone else’s standard or opinion” - basically don’t do something you don’t want or isn’t right for you, simply because you feel you “should” - it’s usually because it’s what someone else thinks

ChrissyShenkle · 04/10/2022 17:20

My Grans sage advice to my first boyfriend "keep your cock in its own henhouse "

Tilda77 · 04/10/2022 17:23

ChrissyShenkle · 04/10/2022 17:20

My Grans sage advice to my first boyfriend "keep your cock in its own henhouse "

😂😂

WinOutdoors · 04/10/2022 17:29

Can I have two?

Ignore them and they're go away. About bullies. Worked like magic within 24 hours.

Halfway in a marathon is 20miles

Rotherweird · 04/10/2022 17:36

“Never wrestle with a pig. You’ll get mucky and the pig might like it.”

”Every rejection is a gift.”

Miriam101 · 04/10/2022 17:49

When you feel you've really messed something up, think: will I still be worrying about this in six months' time? If the answer's yes, ok, it's probably worth your concern. If not, try to keep it in perspective, and let it go.

My mum, when I was heartbroken for the first time: you may not believe it now, but sooner or later, someone will come along, and you'll find yourself thinking, 'oh, you're rather attractive'. She was right, obvs!

HelloBambinos · 04/10/2022 17:50

It's never wrong to do the right thing.
&
This one I say to my children "I never worry that you won't be successful but I worry you won't fail from time to time as that's when you learn resilience and growth, getting up when you're down is what strengthens your character and aids us in learning" ..I also live by that one as I've been through some pretty hard times but I've learnt and grown as a person because of them and have become more resilient myself.

TheDivineOddity · 04/10/2022 17:52

Never trust an indicator.

illiterato · 04/10/2022 17:53

Don’t marry someone you wouldn’t have as a business partner- the desirable qualities are the same.

MolliciousIntent · 04/10/2022 17:54

"Do not let that man put his dick in you."

Very, very grateful to the person who told me that.

goodnighthunny · 04/10/2022 17:59

"Never put anything in writing" (re hurt feelings, anger, accusations, etc, etc, etc).

"If someone is driving too fast, get out of the car".

"Everything is always fixable if you tell the truth".

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