To ask how to stop having conversations with people in my head?

[Cinnamonandcoal]

When I'm angry about something someone (usually at work) has said, or I've been treated unfairly in some way.

Obviously it's unacceptable and unwise to just lay it all out for them so I'll make whatever more diplomatic response is justified but then just go over and over all the comebacks and arguements I want to make in my head. I think that's normal?

But I can't stop - I can't focus on anything else because I'm just constantly having these one sided arguments and it's not helpful or productive. I'd like to stop giving these idiots so much of my headspace, basically.

Do other people also do this, and are there any tips on how to calm myself down and turn my mind to other things?

I do this and honestly I think it helps kind of ranting to yourself. If you feel like it's too much in your head could you not rant out loud to a friend, partner or therapist? Have an allotted time each week where you really get everything out and then you can hopefully let it go the rest of the week

I do this all the time, and not just when I am upset or annoyed at someone. My brain does not have any sort of off switch and if I'm not having imaginary conversations with others, including their responses, then I am literally having a full blown conversation in my head with myself.

It's got that bad that I have to sleep with an audiobook on otherwise I can't sleep at all with all the "chatter" going on. It is worse when trying to sleep though as I get the visual imaginary scenarios too.

Thinking about it maybe I'm just a crack pot, but have just learnt to accept that is how I am and not worry too much about it. We all have our little quirks and there are far worse quirks to have.

It's called your internal monologue.
Some people have conversations.
Some, like me, have songs.
I always always always have a song going round in my head, to the point of being very annoying at times.

I do it all the time. It’s annoying.

Could be a symptom of ADHD.

My brain is like this, and I strongly suspect I have it. My son was diagnosed as an adult, and I came out pretty high when he did his online tests on me.

I use a Bluetooth sleep mask to listen to podcasts at bedtime and find meditation very helpful. It’s bloody tiring though.

I do this all the time, hate it and it makes me unhappy because its like constantly reliving the event.

I try to be mindful of doing it then distract myself with something more useful.

I thought this was pretty normal Op, I do this as well!

I do it too and it means I'm seething for a long while but it helps me to gradually tone down my response until I can say out loud in a more measured way without breathing fire.

I do this too, even years down the line.
Cannot switch it off. Sometimes it's helpful sometimes it's not.
Don't have any advice on how to stop it yet.

I'd worry if my internal dialog

I do this too. I dwell and dwell on it, and rerun what I wish I'd said over and over again. Sometimes I'll startle myself by actually saying something out loud.

But I have diagnosed anxiety, social anxiety, and the more I learn about it I wonder if I have ADD. So I wouldn't use me as a yardstick!

Didn't finish my sentence there. I'd worry if my internal dialog voices stopped.

I physically write it all down in a special rant notebook.

Writing it down is an interesting idea.
Seems I'm not alone. I guess just accepting it will happen and trying to distract myself as much as possible is the only way.
I do wish I could stop it though - it's always the worst people I end up ranting against and I'd just rather not think about them more than I need to.

Usually ill debate the topic in my mind them once I've analysed it. Usually I'll focus on other topics.

I went to an acupuncturist for help with exactly this. It did help and I was flabbergasted when for the first time I thought about something from the past and instead of dwelling on it and re-living it imagining all the different scenarios what I should have said/done etc and how my life might have turned out etc etc ETC ..it was like my brain swiped it away and moved on to something else!

Unfortunately I can’t afford to keep up the treatment but I’m nowhere near as bad now as I was. I mean I still have the arguments/dialogue in my head but I’m not as tortured by them.

I do it all the time - not only when I'm having problems. It's a 24/7 thing with me, like I'm talking to anyone and everyone about numerous subjects. I've never known how to fix this and I'm in my 60's !

I do this if someone has hurt or upset me. I try now to notice it, really notice it and tell myself to stop, but not in an unkind way, just gently try to encourage myself quieten it down.

I do it all the time to the extent that I have thought Ive fallen out with someone but realised I had the argument with them only in my head.

I know others who do it too.

I do it all the time, be it inner arguments or conversations and often realise I'm talking out loud 🙈

I do this also, and would love to know how to stop. I read a little bit about ‘Mindfulness’ and a piece that really helped was around making yourself aware of unhelpful thoughts and encouraging yourself away from them. The analogy was to think of a ‘Bus’ you have jumped on, and telling yourself to get off. So, for example, if I become aware I’m reliving a difficult exchange I had with person xxx, I think ‘I’ve jumped on the xxx bus again, time to get off’. It has helped many times but I’d be very interested to hear of other techniques.

Me too! I often find myself pottering around my flat chattering away, but when I think about it it's often either rehearsing conversations I know I'm going to be having soon (and planning what I'm going to say and how) or going back over ones I've already had where I wish I'd done or said something differently.

I have no idea how common it is, but IMO it helps me organise myself and feel more prepared for things and so I think it's useful.

Mindfulness definitely helps. I need to practice it more! But the goal is to get to the stage where you can recognise that that's the thought you're having, acknowledge it, let it run and then think of something else.

I've had some success with giving myself a time limit eg 5 minutes where I explore it unchecked and then at the end of that I physically change where I'm at eg if I'm sitting down I stand up and look around etc, give myself something in the room to focus on and remind me that I'm not just in my head but here, now, in this room in my body. And then do an activity eg a work task, or if I'm at home a crossword - this is individual lol, I know not everyone likes crosswords.

It helps when I do this but I'm sure it would help more if I can apply it consistently.

Mark in peep show 😭I do it also

Although OP if you're regularly facing hostile interactions at work it may just be time for a new job!